The Weight Machine

A rabbi (or priest, minister, janitor, congressman, or
whatever) was going to Chicago. He went to the airport 
and sat down waiting for his flight. He looked over 
in the corner and saw one of those weight machines 
that tells your fortune. So, he thought to himself, 
"I'll give it a try just to see what it tells me." 

He went over to the machine and put his nickel in,
and out came a card that said, "You're a rabbi, you
weigh 156 lbs, and you are going to Chicago, Illinois."
He sat back down and thought about it. He told himself
it probably tells everyone the same thing, but decided
to try it again. 

He went back to the machine and put his nickel in. 
Out came a card that read, "You're a rabbi, you weigh 
156 lbs., you're going to Chicago, Illinois, and you 
are going to play a fiddle." The rabbi said to himself,
"I know that's wrong, I have never played a musical
instrument a day in my life." 

He sat back down. From nowhere a Cowboy came over 
and set his fiddle case down next to his. The rabbi 
picked up the fiddle and just started playing 
beautiful music. Startled, He looked back at the 
machine and said, "This is incredible. I've got to 
try it again." 

Back to the machine. He put his nickel in and 
another card came out. It said, "You're a rabbi, you 
weigh 156 lbs, you're going to Chicago, Illinois,
and you're going to break wind. Now, the rabbi knows
the machine is wrong; "I've never broke wind in 
public a day in my life!" Well, He tripped, fell
off the scales and broke wind. Stunned, He sat 
back down and looked at the machine. He said to
himself, "This is truly unbelievable! I've got to
try it again." 

He went back to the machine, put his nickel in and 
collected the card. It said, "You're a rabbi, you 
weigh 156 lbs., and you have fiddled and farted
around and missed your flight to Chicago!

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Political correctness disclaimer:
So why did I use 'rabbi'?  Fewer letters than
priest or minister!  Substitute Aggie, nerd,
Scottsman, computer programmer, wrestler, or
whatever you choose.  The amazing thing is,
the machine will know!