The Glorious National Order

Click here to check out the new MESSAGE BOARD!!


Yatta Yatta

Women Yatta Yatta

When a woman is stressed out, she talks - on and on, yatta, yatta, yatta. When a woman is not stressed out, she also talks on and on. Generally speaking, a woman is generally speaking. Many men are under the misconception that a woman always has to have the last word. This is not true because a woman never gets to the last word.

Many people ask what do women talk about? But it is more accurate to ask what women do not talk about, and that answer is very clear: "tungsten arc welding." Women never talk about tungsten arc welding, though they talk about everything else. If they do talk about tungsten arc welding, however, it is how they feel about tungsten arc welding, and who are cute tungsten arc welders, but never about tungsten arc welding itself.

What a lot of women's talk focuses on, however, is gossip, and many a woman has picked up more dirt with her telephone than with her vacuum cleaner. This is not to imply that a woman will repeat gossip - at least not the way she heard it. Nor is it to imply that a woman can't keep a secret, because she will often say, "I'm telling you this in confidence because it was told to me in confidence." What we are saying is that if a woman hears something that leaves her speechless - you can be sure she'll talk about it.

What Men Are Saying While A Woman Is Talking... 

You can always count on a man to hold his own in a conversation. These are only a few of the things a man will say if, in fact, he's capable of saying anything at all.

1. Un Huh.

2. I see

3. Interesting

4. Hmmmm..

5. Really?

6. No kidding?

7. Go on.

8. Imagine that.

During this period, a man should keep nodding like those toy dogs with the bobbing heads you see in the backs of cars.

What Men Are Thinking While A Woman Is Talking...

Contrary to women's beliefs, however, men's minds are engaged when a woman is talking. This is usually what he is thinking.

1. The last time I saw a mouth like hers,there was a fishhook in it.

2. God, can this woman talk up a storm. She must be doing 150 words a minute. With gusts up to 190.

3. This woman can chew a man's ear off faster than Mike Tyson in a rematch.

4. This bimbo's conversation is riveting. I wonder if her bra clasps in the front or the back?

5. If this bitch keeps up with this yatta yatta, I'm going to handcuff her, frisk her, and tell her she has a right to remain silent. And then I'm going to frisk her again.

How To Flatter The Pants Off A Woman...

Although men are "flatulence-propelled", women are "flattery-operated". Women love to be flattered. But the man must know the correct way to flatter in order to achieve his goal, which is complete and total submission. Achieving this illustrious, low-life goal takes a bit of time, and a man must start off slow, building the flattery to a fine-tuned crescendo.

To do this a man must understand a woman's needs, which are simple and constant. Women need to:

Right-click here to download pictures. To help protect your privacy, Outlook prevented automatic download of this picture from the Internet.  Feel young

Right-click here to download pictures. To help protect your privacy, Outlook prevented automatic download of this picture from the Internet.  Feel skinny

Right-click here to download pictures. To help protect your privacy, Outlook prevented automatic download of this picture from the Internet.  Feel sexy

A man must make reference to these needs under all circumstances, at every possible opportunity. For example, he might say:

(Her need to feel young)

"When the beam of the officer's flashlight hit your panic-stricken face after he stopped you for speeding, I couldn't help but think how you looked sixteen years old again - just like the first time you were arrested for shoplifting."

(Her need to feel skinny)

"Gee, I'm real sorry your grandfather died, but as you were leaning over the coffin to kiss him good-bye, I noticed how slim your ass looked."

(Her need to feel sexy)

"You know, when those baggy sweat pants cling to your buttocks as you lumber to the fridge for yet another Dove Bar, I just go wild! I don't know whether to grab you by your expandable-elastic waistband, or wrestle you to the ground in a pagan fertility ritual.

Notice how a man can use these seemingly inappropriate situations as an opportunity for flattery. Before you know it, by using these simple methods, you'll have a woman so flattered, she'll be flat on her back!

How To Stop A Woman From Talking...

Obviously, the only way to stop a woman from talking is to put something in her mouth.


Check out a some prior Messages From the Editor!

The Perfect Female

From down under....

Are you a pussy?

A Message From the Editor

Seminar Availability!

No woman is too hot to bed!

The W.A.M. Agenda

Rules of the Game

Seems To Me

The Official M.A.W.A.M. Translation of Women's English For Men

Snail Mail to:
P.O. Box 4051
West Hills, CA 91308
Electronic Mail
Send mail to with questions or comments about this web site.
Copyright 1998 M.A.W.A.M.
Last modified: August 14, 2003