Liberals, Conservatives & Southerners:

      How do you tell the difference between Liberals, Conservatives and Southerners? Pose the following question:

      You're walking down a deserted street with your wife and two small children. Suddenly, a dangerous looking man with a huge knife comes around the corner, locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges.

      You are carrying a Glock .40, and you are an expert shot. You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

Liberal Answer: Well, that's not enough information to answer the question!  Does the man look poor or oppressed? Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack?

      Could we run away? What does my wife think? What about the kids? Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand? What does the law say about this situation? Does the Glock have an appropriate safety built into it?

      Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children? Is it possible he'd be happy with killing just me?

      Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me? If I were to grab his knees and hold on, could my family get away while he was stabbing me? Should I call 9-1-1?

      Why is this street so deserted? We need to raise taxes, have a paint and weed day, and make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such behavior.

      This is all so confusing! I need to debate this with some friends for a few days and try to come to a consensus.

Conservative Answer: BANG!

Southerner's Answer: BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! Rackety-click...(sounds of reloading).

     Wife: "Hun, he looks like he's still moving, whadda y'all kids think?"

     Son: "Mama's right Daddy, I saw it, too."

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! click.

     Daughter: "Nice group Daddy! Were those the Winchester Silver tips?"

ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS:

    Go ahead, I dare you to do this:
    Enter Mexico illegally.  Never mind immigration quotas, visas,
international law, or any of that nonsense.
    Once there, demand that the local government provide free medical care for you and your entire family.  Demand bilingual nurses and doctors.
    Demand free bilingual local government forms, bulletins, etc.
    Procreate abundantly.  Deflect any criticism of this allegedly
irresponsible reproductive behavior with, "It is a cultural United States thing. You would not understand, pal."
    Keep your American identity strong.  Fly Old Glory from your rooftop, or proudly display it in your front window or on your car bumper.
    Speak only English at home and in public and insist that your children do likewise.
    Demand classes on American culture the Mexican school system.
    Demand a local Mexican driver license.  This will afford other legal rights and will go far to legitimize your unauthorized, illegal, presence in Mexico.
    Insist that local Mexican law enforcement teach English to all its officers.
    Good luck! You'll be demanding for the rest of time. Because it will never happen.  In Mexico or any other country in the world... Except right here.   Land of the Naive.
    God Bless America---She needs it.