Copyright 1998, Lauren and Mark Arnest
| What's happened so far: Gina and Harold have set the scene. Rostronitzin has arrived, revealed himself as a jerk, and accidentally allowed Maynard to escape while making a clumsy pass at Gina. While Harold and Gina are out looking for the cat, Mimi and Malcolm arrive unannounced. Since they've come to see their son, Morton (aka Pookie), who lives there, and Harold and Gina have said they live there, Rostronitzin naturally assumes that Harold is Pookie - so in the following scene, he thinks Mimi and Malcolm are talking about a violist, while they're actually talking about a stockbroker. |
MALCOLM: [interrupting] So Ben, whadda you do?
ROSTRONITZIN: [tries to look modest] Same as Pookie. But on bigger scale.
MALCOLM: Really? Pookie's one of the biggest players on the Street.
ROSTRONITZIN: [looks amazed] He play on street?
MIMI: Of course. That's where the money is. How do you think he affords all this? [gestures around room, but doesn't look] But he works hard. Poor dear.
MALCOLM: Yeah, he's always out orchestrating things.
ROSTRONITZIN: Orchestrate?
MALCOLM: What, you think he just fiddles around? Why, he arranged something for Bill Gates just last month.
ROSTRONITZIN: Arrange?
MIMI: Yes, Pookie pulled all the strings for that.
MALCOLM: And he's so sharp, he can peg a movement before it happens! Then, right before it goes flat, he makes the pitch, and the piece is sold.
ROSTRONITZIN: Move peg? Make pitch?
MIMI: He's in tune with everything that goes on.
MALCOLM: He just senses the dynamics, see? It takes a lot of pluck, but he tells me, "don't fret, I'll have a seat when the music stops."
ROSTRONITZIN: He play standing up?
MIMI: I tell him, "Pookie, someday you'll have to pay the piper." But he never does.
ROSTRONITZIN: He not pay?
MALCOLM: Doesn't have to. He gets there a little ahead of the rest. And drops out just before it starts down.
ROSTRONITZIN: He play only when notes are high?
MALCOLM: When they're getting high, anyway. But not just notes - bonds, CDs, any kind of instrument.
ROSTRONITZIN: Pookie has CDs?
MIMI: Oh, lots.
ROSTRONITZIN: But question is, how they sound?
MALCOLM: Sound as a dollar! Say, you don't seem to know much about what goes on in the pit.
ROSTRONITZIN: [proudly] I not play in pit. Or on street. I play on world stage.
MIMI: Oh, an international practice. Pookie does some international, too. Mostly in France.
MALCOLM: When did he say anything about France?
MIMI: You know - he's always complaining about the Parisites he has to work with. Someday, I'd like to go to Paris...
MALCOLM: Well, I know he has contacts in Russia.
MIMI: Where do you practice, Ben?
ROSTRONITZIN: [proudly] I not need to practice much.
MALCOLM: So you've already made a name for yourself?
ROSTRONITZIN: I will not spoil surprise! But here is hint! Tell me - How many pianist {Pronounced: "PEEnist"] do you know?
MIMI: [shocked] Ben! That's awfully personal!
MALCOLM: No, dear, he means "pee-AH-nists." You know, piano players.
MIMI: But, what does that have to do with...
ROSTRONITZIN: Just name one.
MALCOLM: Liberace, of course. What an entertainer he was! The only one who can hold a candle to him ... get it? ... a candle? ... is Michael Feinstein.
MIMI: Of course, it's not quite the same. He sings, too.
ROSTRONITZIN: [looks crestfallen] No, is not same ... [hopefully] But maybe you hear crowds chanting on street? "Rosty, Rosty!"?
[MIMI and MALCOLM look puzzled]
MIMI: Frosty? Not this time of year.
MALCOLM: No, not "Frosty." "Rosty." You know, that politician who got in trouble for using government funds for his own stuff.
MIMI: Oh. I didn't know he played piano.
ROSTRONITZIN: [sighs] Is not important.