Not a story per se, this is a never-ending sequence of throwaway superhero character introductions.  A staple of the comic book superhero team is the “Tryout” scene, where a new character shows what he or she has got, hoping to win a place on the team.  The prototype for this concept (and still the measure by which all others are judged) is the tryouts for the Legion of Super-Heroes, which presented such wonders as Porcupine Pete, Infectious Lass, and Plaid Lad (but also well-regarded members like Wildfire, Karate Kid, and, um, Bouncing Boy — okay, no one’s perfect).  The superhero team doing the reviewing is known as Hel’s Belles: holographic heroine Helena Troy, feline warrior Silver, cowgirl inventor Tinker, and escape artist Liberty.      Helena looked up and arched an eyebrow.  “Hasty Pudding?”      “All the good super-speed names were already taken.”      A woman in a flowing, gauzy, toga-like dress sat down and introduced herself as “Nouveau.”  Once she posed herself, an illusionary light show began: an arc of zodiac symbols appeared behind her, soon replaced by the graceful curves of blooming flowers, and then a stained-glass sunset.  Incredibly beautiful, but ultimately empty.      Helena made a notation: “Mucha ado about nothing.”      A petite black woman with tattoos and at least three piercings not on her ears strode into the room and instantly took control.  To say she was “fierce” would be an understatement.      “I see you checked the boxes for both Transformer and Transporter,” said Helena.  “I presume your powers do indeed cover both families?”      “I ain’t confused, sister, if that’s what you’re askin’,” she replied.  “I turn into a car.”      She let loose with three big arm-sweeping SNAPS, and her body started to morph.  A few seconds later, a small European car tooted its horn.      Liberty whispered to Helena.  “And you though ‘Yugo Girl’ was a typo.”      Helena arched an eyebrow at the stony-faced (and stony-bodied — you know how these “Things” go) hero in the leather chaps, harness, and boots.      “Rocky Top.  So this--,” she gestured to the smaller version of Rocky Top, standing patiently to the side with his hands clasped at the small of his back: similar chaps and boots, plus a chain-link collar and oversized keys on his right hip, the opposite side from the big guy.      “My sidekick,” said the hero.  “Rock Bottom.”      Helena looked at the leather-clad, stony-faced (and bodied) superhero applicant and his sidekick, and then glanced at their bio sheets.      “‘Rocky Top’ and ‘Rock Bottom’?” she asked.  “What‘s with these names?”      Liberty whispered in her ear: “It’s a gay Thing.”   Click here to return to the main Signature Quotes page Click here to return to the main Missing Lynx page
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