Lickety Split (Comedy/Action) Written by: Ed Colman
Logline: Lesbian Biker Chicks and a bumbling detective team up to foil an international
conspiracy.
Synopsis:
Someone is killing off Japanese bankers.
After a string of high tech, remote control murders, CIA agent Thomas Collins recruits ex-CIA agent Lyla Bangles to infiltrate
the Japanese Yakuza, suspected masterminds of the assassinations. Lyla, fired from the CIA after seducing the director's
daughter, is a beautiful, highly trained fighter with a penchant for tough girls and Harley Davidsons.
Mr. Ichiban, the head of the Japanese bankers
Association is coming to America. A furious gun battle erupts at the airport between the Ichiban’s bodyguards and the
Yakuza gunmen. Ichiban escapes the carnage and ends up in the baggage claim where our most unlikely hero, Paul (Bogie) Bogasaki,
reluctantly rescues him. Bogie, a half Japanese, half African-American Sam Spade wannabe, specializes in locating lost
pets but has dreams of bigger cases. He’s a little clumsy but loveable and very earnest. Hopelessly inept, somehow he
always manages to land on his feet.
Lyla calls Bogie to help her on the case.
She met him a few years ago when he tracked down Lyla’s mother’s lost Rottweiler, and knowing of his desire to
become a world-class detective, throws him some non pet-related work from time to time. Paul stakes out a Yakuza hideaway
while Lyla, posing as a high-class hooker, infiltrates the Mob. Together they uncover a massive counterfeiting plot involving
billions of Yen, Euros and Dollars. The Mob is laundering the phony money into real money with the aid of their counterfeit
bankers who have replaced the murdered bankers. Bogie somehow steals the counterfeit printing plates and, having seen this
in an old movie, hides them in a locker at the bus station
While on the trail, Bogie’s identity
is discovered by the Mob and he is kidnapped and tortured to reveal the location of the plates. Lyla and her gang of biker
chicks storm the Yakuza’s headquarters. During the battle, they wrest control of the Yakuza’s remote control ‘Death
Chopper’, and with its help defeat the mob. Lyla rescues Bogie just as the leader of the mob is about to perform some
very unorthodox surgery on him.
On her way to collect her reward from Collins,
Lyla is in turn kidnapped and taken to a mysterious desert hideaway. Bogie and Ichiban follow the clues out to the desert
where they break into the underground stronghold. With the aid of Ichiban’s surprising ninja abilities, the two rescuers
battle through the guards and bump into Lyla who has managed to escape on her own. They are all recaptured and brought to
the real head of the plot, Collins the CIA agent who hired Lyla in the first place. He is at the center of a scheme to destroy
the world’s economies with the counterfeit money. They are flooding the world with phony money to undermine confidence
in the international banking system and plan to institute a One World Bank with Collins at the head. Once they return the
counterfeit plates, Collins arrogantly lets them go, thinking he has nothing to fear from them. But Ichiban finds an inventive
way to destroy the hideout along with Collins, making the world safe for bankers, biker chicks and fumbling detectives.
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The Timeskinner Written by: Paul A. Martin
Logline: Those who choose to ignore the past are the smart ones.
Synopsis: On his sixteenth birthday, Billy sees Old Man Skinner, a local recluse, toss carpet
tacks onto the road. A motorcycle, being chased by a Corvette, comes around the bend. Its tires blow and the driver is thrown
clear. The Corvette hits the tacks and skids to a halt as well. Billy is surprised that the drivers are almost identical.
They send him away, but when he looks back, he sees one of the men vanish. Startled, he rushes home to tell his best friend,
Brax.
Later, at his birthday party, when Billy receives a check for ten thousand dollars, he sees his chance to get rich quick
and win Wanda, the girl of his dreams. However, at thirty-six, he's married to Amy and barely scraping by working for Wandas
husband, Alex, the head of Hastings Research and Development.
When Brax invents a time travel device he calls the Timeskin, Billy can't resist the opportunity to change the past and
have another go at his dream. He suddenly finds himself rich, married to Wanda and the CEO of Hastings. In fact, Alex now
works for him. Billy couldnt be happier.
Until he learns the rest of the story.
Wanda has only married him for his money and, in changing the past, Brax has been committed to a mental institution and
Amy has died before they ever had the chance to meet.
Realizing he has to restore the past, Billy again timeskins and winds up pursuing a Billy from an earlier timeline in
the chase he witnessed on his sixteenth birthday. He finally convinces the other Billy to give up the plan to alter the past
and to return to the present. When the other Billy vanishes, he is amused to see his sixteen year old self leap onto his bike
and pedal away furiously.
The other Billy returns to a dismal future, but finds that Brax and Amy are fine. Old Man Skinner suddenly shows up at
Billy's door and Billy is startled to find that the 76 year old Skinner is actually the Billy who had chased him earlier.
His Timeskin malfunctioned and sent him twenty years farther into the past. He has waited until this day to bring Billy a
special birthday present stock in Hastings R&D.
When Amy learns that Billy/Skinner has been alone for so many years, she Timeskins into the past and when
Billy and Skinner meet this time, Skinner is accompanied by his seventy-six year old wife, Amy.
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MY CLONE Written by Hans Kracauer
Logline: While trying to clone a duck, a geneticist accidentally clones himself. The clone turns
out to be brilliantly persuasive. He talks the geneticist into switching places --- strictly as a scientific experiment. The
clone now takes over the geneticists marriage and career -- while the geneticist runs off partying around the world. But what
does the geneticist discover upon returning? The clone's been shamelessly cheating on his wife, spectacularly outperforming
him as a scientist and stubbornly refusing to halt the experiment.
Synopsis:
How would you like to secretly run off and party from one end of the world to the other while your clone does all the
hard work of actually being you?
You'd jump at a deal like that?
Well, so does the hero of MY CLONE.
(No, its nothing at all like the pathetically unfunny, terminally timid, hopelessly sanctimonious MULTIPLICITY.)
In a nutshell, MY CLONE is a comedy about a biogeneticist who while trying to clone a duck accidentally clones himself.
The biogeneticist does what any red-blooded scientist would do. He sneaks off on an extended global holiday while he lets
his clone simply take over both his marriage and his career.
Of course, that's just for openers.
A year later our hero returns and wants his identity back. Well, good luck! The clone is now a year smarter and has created
a quantum leap of his own. To add insult to injury, the clone has also made a staggering mess of our hero's personal life.
Needless to say, the clone absolutely refuses to switch places.
How does our hero outwit his smarter biogenetic duplicate? How does he disentangle himself from the women his clone has
recklessly become entangled with? And how does he keep his wife from discovering that for over a year shes been sleeping with
one of his experiments?
I guess you'll just have to read the script.
A quick word about myself, Hans Kracauer. I'm a member of the WGA. Before serving hard time in Hollywood (primarily writing
sitcoms) I was in advertising. Specifically, as a copywriter. I've written major ad campaigns at some of the best advertising
agencies in New York. ... and have won countless awards for my TV commercials. And no, I haven't thrown away my day job just
yet. In fact, I'm currently a partner and the creative director of an ultra-smart ad agency in New York called The Idea Factory.
You only want to know what I've done in the feature arena? Okay. Two other screenplays of mine have been optioned. Both comedies.
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TOTALLY WACKED (TV) Written by Dave Costa
Logline: Frasier meets the Pretender.
Synopsis:
Meet Dr. Rebecca Branford. Her nonsensical off the wall advice is what works, and she doesn't have any pratical experience
or a college degree. Partnered by her boyfriend, this is just one of their many scams.
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ALMOST MARRIED GUYS Written by Dave Costa
Logline: The Wedding Crashers minus the wedding.
Synopsis:
There are 47 million unmarried women today in America. Why? Guys like me.
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GIGABYTE GANSTERS Written by Dave Costa
Logline: One click of the mouse and their in your house.
Synopsis:
Gramps a small time crime boss is pissed off. His operations are all losing money to internet. So he puts together a
crew of computer hackers and he's never been on a computer! His bunch of misfits take the internet by the storm, knocking
out his competition, stealing personal identities and getting involved in an off the wall caper. Everything is going just
great except one thing, once you click the trigger in cyber space you don't know what you may hit!
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LUCKED OUT Written By Andrew Baker
Logline: An unlucky gambler wins largest lottery and has two weeks to make it back
to his home state to claim it.
Synopsis:
BJ plays the same numbers every day and is in debt to a gangsta name T-Money. He leaves town only to find out almost
a year to the day that he has the winning ticket to the richest lottery in history. Now he has to make it back to claim his
winnings but many obstacles are in his way.
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BINGO Written by Ian Kennedy
Logline: A college student opens a pandoras box of secrets when he comes out of the closet to
his family during a bingo game at the local VFW.
Synopsis:
June is sitting at her table in her kitchen waiting for her husband, Hank, to get ready to go play Bingo at the VFW.
Hank reminds her that he is calling numbers and is trying to hurry. Hank finally finds his things where June told him they
were and off they go.
Evan, Jo Beth, Fran, and Samantha arrive at the VFW. Evan takes food orders and delivers them to Jamie at the kitchen.
Jo Beth tries to smoke but can't because of the new law. Fran, who quit smoking, assures her she can smoke between rounds.
Jo Beth and Fran set up their bingo rituals with Mister Kitty Kat(Jo Beths stuffed cat) and Pooky(Frans frizzy hair troll).
Evan returns with food after Jamie comps the order and professes his infatuation for Samantha. Jo Beth notices scratches on
Samanthas arm. Samantha says they're pen marks.
The group talks about Samanthas ex-boyfriend, Kirby, and his tattoos. A bingo player yells Bingo! Jo Beth yells, Dammit!
Fran tells Evan that her son, James, is home from school and invites him to James's college play. Fran is pleased. Samantha
starts a fight over Evans food. June yells Bingo. Jo Beth yells, Dammit. June strolls by and collects her winnings. Fran reassures
Jo Beth that June can't cheat at bingo.
Jo Beth and Fran gossip about people at the bingo hall while Evan tries, to no avail, to get Jo Beths attention. Fran
tells Jo Beth about an affair between Annie and Frank that has Jo Beth unusually upset. Jo Beth's reaction intrigues Fran.
Evan gets Jo Beth's attention for his announcement. After a false start, Evan announces he is gay. Someone yells, Bingo. Jo
Beth yells, Dammit. No surprise to the group. Evan's sexuality was the reason Jo Beth went into therapy. Fran tries to set
up Evan and James on a date to Jo Beth's dismay. June yells Bingo. Jo Beth yells Dammit!
The group sets up for round two of bingo. Fran calls James to let him know of his date with Evan. Everyone performs their
good luck rituals. Not thrilled, Jo Beth tries to discuss Evan dating James. June yells, Bingo! June yells, Dammit!
Fran puts Jo Beth in her place. Evan asks to discuss his orientation with his father. Fran reveals that Jo Beth's discussed
Evan with her therapist. After sending Samantha off to the food stand, Jo Beth, with Frans unwelcome help, tells Evan that
his father is gay, too.
Samantha now experiences James and his infatuation for her. She picks up the food and leaves. Returning prematurely,
Jo Beth sends Samantha back for more chips. Evan wants to discuss his orientation with Dad but Jo Beth urges him to wait for
Dad to come out on his own. June yells Bingo. Jo Beth yells, Dammit!
Again, Samantha deals with James primal heat. After acquiring chips, Samantha comes back to the table only to be almost
ran over by June going to collect her winnings. On her way back, June stops at the table to wish everyone good luck and to
apologize to Samantha for not stopping and talking to her and Kirby at the tattoo parlor earlier.
After everyone kisses Mister Kitty Kat, Jo Beth chastises Samantha about Kirby and tattoos. Samantha announces that she
and Kirby are moving in together at college with the help of a scholarship. Samantha and Jo Beth fight. June yells, Bingo!
Jo Beth yells, Dammit! Jo Beth does her breathing exercise. It doesnt help.
Jo Beth blames herself for the state of her family. Fran consoles her, letting her know things arent that bad and shes
a great mother and friend. At that point, June stops by the table, wishes everyone good luck and inquires of the state of
Jo Beth's cable television because she saw Frank's truck in her driveway.
Fran accuses Jo Beth of stealing her cable man. Jo Beth denies it. Fran takes Mister Kitty Kat hostage and threatens
to mark him up with her bingo marker. Jo Beth reaches for Pooky and knocks over Frans purse revealing her cigarettes. The
fight continues, revealing that Jo Beths husband is on a cruise with his boyfriend.
Many ladies at the bingo hall reveal they've been sleeping with the cable man and a fight ensues complete with bingo
markers. Hank announces the game will stop unless the fighting stops and the rest of ladies pull the fighting women apart.
The anger subsides and the ladies hug and cry. At the end of the episode, Jo Beth is told she has a bingo! Finally, Jo Beth
yells Bingo! and collects her winnings. Evan and Samantha bond over Mom and Dad's inevitable divorce. Jo Beth reconciles and
negotiates with Samantha on college arrangements. Evan tells Jo Beth hell wait for Dad to come out in his own time. June yells,
Bingo! Jo Beth yells, Dammit!
End of Script
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