HUNTING THE WILD Hominoid Silvestrus Bachelorus which is a frank and candid woman's guide to the hunting, shooting, capture and final CAGING of a WILD beast known as the HOMINOID SILVESTRUS BACHELORUS. This may be offensive to the faint hearted but it is intended for the rutting age female hunter who is hungry for the HUNTING SEASON, and only for true meat eaters at that.
Vegans will not enjoy reading this, Parts are a bit bloody but hey, with a landscape in attrition like ours is in the Millennium -- owned, run by the NWO, CIA, IRS, IMF and FEDERAL RESERVE -- in such a parsimonious feeding ground as this modern world, we hunters have to be good with a gun, conversant with our prey, its range, its feeding grounds and educated in the difficulties of nailing a specimen cuz a gal's gotta eat, replicate and she frankly must capture a live bull specimen to do all that. And she must do it between the ages of 18 and 25! Not a long HUNTING SEASON!
WHAT ARE WE HUNTING? The precise variety that most female hunters want to capture would be the HOMINOID SILVESTRUS BACHELORUS. Sadly you cannot tell the full grown, adult male HOMINOID SILVESTRUS BACHELORUS. from the HOMINOID SILVESTRUS CHEATING ONUS so there are many tests which seasoned hunters use to distinguish the bonier useless forms of meat from the totally delicious, life sustaining BUCKS in the hopes we don't waste time and artillery on inedible meat. (Or as Oscar Wilde said about fox hunting, the unspeakable in search of the inedible.)
A good hunter wants to avoid the sorrow of shooting down a prime age buck male who is supporting other life forms. That would be tragic. A good hunter respects the ecology, leaving smaller specimens to grow up and breed, and older ones to die in peace and married ones, completely ALONE no matter how much fun they are to chase around the motel room.
DESCRIPTION OF PREY: You will find that bushy specimens of HSB turn up with stripes, long hair, short hair, even totally bald. While this hairlessness puts one off, even alarms some hunters, one should not discriminate against the different varieties of fur. Bald ones often have a more delicious flavor and many more beans in the tree if you know what I mean. Hairy ones have more beans in the breeding department.
Seek strong haunches if you want breeding and the thrill of the eternal hunt, seek strong arms if you want a handyman around the property. Seek conversance with guns if you want protection but if you just want MEAT....All provide a feast of fine eating over the lifetime of the hunter. There is only one sub species to avoid. MOHAWK HAIRCUT. USELESS. Body piercings, finger nail polish, jackboots with nazi insignias. Do not even make good escorts.
The MALE HSB, DESCRIPTION OF: can have variant names. Bill, Bob and Jack are frequently found in the ones found in Eastern or western cities while BILLY BOY, JOEBOY, CODY and ETHAN are often found in SOUTHERN rural areas. The former group is often more wide ranging in its feeding habits at French cafes, Thai, Chinese where as the Southern specimens tend to hang out at places known as DINERS.
is the HOMINOID SILVESTRUS FOUND?
Depends on the time of year. HSB is very seasonal in his haunts. That is where the expertise of the hunter can be honed, and our HUNTING INFO website LUCK IN LOVE ( CLICK HERE! ) aims to do just that. Teach you the advanced hunting skills that put you way in front of the other hunters so you bag many contenders each season, have your pick of the litter, can then butcher the prime, meaty specimens up, freeze them in small packages, can or preserve some, put up a few pies, freeze the choice cuts, put a fine rack on the wall and pick your teeth happily at night thereafter. And maybe even gift the extras to starving friends.
ROAMING RANGE - No limits. every city of the world. Every beach resort, every park, stadium, theatre. Some hunters like to go to the bar, disco, country-music joint, casino or gaming spot, kareoke club or nightclub (The variety found in such places are polygamous and not considered valuable eating meat. OFTEN the meat is saturated with alcohol, again, inedible.
LURES, METHODS OF CAPTURING: As these beasts are everywhere, all the time, may we suggest a seasonal approach that hones in on the specific sub-variety you want. Rich, strong, sexy and UNMARRIED.
WHAT WORKS as a LURE: PHYSICAL STRENGTH and ABILITY to stay on your feet is important. What makes them draw near is that you look like good BREEDING STOCK. You must be tall, thin, graceful, charming. No paunch. Makes you look like you had a few litters already.
SOFT SPOKEN: Noises scare off the HSB MALES. Speak softly but knowledgeably. They like their mates brainy, well read, able to discuss important news issues but always showing a viewpoint that is feminine, gentle, charismatic. Word your opinions gracefully. If you say 'shoot all the crummy Muslims' you sound like you'd make a terrible mother to his sons, you won't win friends. Say it gently "let's deal thru diplomatic channels on the problem of the Muslims -- that shows you're soft spoken.
B:) REALITY CHECK. YOU ARE THE BAIT! Realize that and never forget it. Bucks do not approach does if you do not show high, very round breasts with light colored fabric of a stretchy nature. The MAMMARY gland is for male specimens, a primary sexual signal which will indicate you can nurture multiple offspring. They instantly go randy if yours are high and round. They also require that you smell good, something that approximates clean skin, not tangy men's aromas. They are attracted oddly enough by haunches and gams. So show calves and legs. Wear swinging bias cut short skirts rather than trousers. Wear low heels, never high heel shoes. HIGH HEELS are slutty. The male HSB only breeds with virgin females. wants good reproductive equipment in factory condition so don't come off slutty, it's of no use.
A Very important secondary feature: The shape of fully rounded hip, combined with a thin waist is a known trigger. That waist to hip ratio is known to attract rutting males in larger numbers if the ratio is wider.
Last, a great smile, get that taken care of by a pro hunting accessory shop, THE DENTIST. A white smile. Quit coffee and tea for the duration of Hunting season. Then very orangey rose lips which mimic your basic, in season female estrus signals.
OUR HUNTING METHODS, LOCALES DEPENDING ON SEASON:
AUTUMN: The FOOTBALL games at local stadiums will have abundant BACHELORUS as it takes a lot of cash to go there and married men frequently are tap city. HOWEVER, to fit in at the Stadium, heavy Camoflage is required for the huntress. She must wear togs that are not bulky but instead, extremely form fitting and it's COLD out there. So Pick a team color, a sweater that fits like a dream, get a team banner to wave, a pennant the men call it, Wear leggings of the appropriate color as it's gonna be chilly and the hours it takes to nab one are long! Bring thermoses of coffee laced with fragrant vanilla, nutmeg so that men around you are hypnotized, salivate and are muchly impressed. An added feature, lace the brew with lots of fragrant brandy and brandy extract. Males will flock to you for a cup and they WILL BE SAMPLING it so bring small paper cups, or porcelain; Elegance is an asset when attempting to capture a sophisticated and wary BULL. Next, Ear muffs are not only help in an icy stadium, they're damn cunning and cute. WHO COULD RESIST YOU IN MUFFS? HUH? HUH?
NOTE: Hunters will have to PREPARE WELL for the HEAD TRIP INVOLVED WITH FOOTBALL. Have a male friend show you a televised football game and explain what these bull males are doing crashing into one another so that you don't zone off during a real game where all that happens is that bulls pass balls and clunk one another ad nauseum.If you are not excited and a Hominoid Silvestrus observes your disinterest, he will not nibble at the trap.
SUMMER TIME: Sports FISHING (we call it FREEZER FILLING) off1/2 day sports boats that depart 6 a.m. Married men are always distinguished from single by being with their offspring so no chance that you could mistake one for the GENUS SILVESTRUS BACHELORUS. Most likely the married bulls will not approach you with their kiddies along.
Public PARKS in suburban areas where they can be viewed playing baseball. STADIUMS have baseball too and this game is really interesting. No coaching required for the viewer! They do not use penants as often in summer. Your clothing can be light and formfitting. Breakfast joints 7 days a week 52 weeks a year provide more single men than any other venue. Single guys have to go out for food when they wake up. THE GREASY SPOON is much better than even Brunch joints on weekends which are all couples and single girls.
SPRINGTIME - No sports in Spring. Hardier golf fiends hit the golf course, but who wants a golf addict? MALES who care about their MUSCLES frequently rub horns at the local Gold’s Gym. Avoid true muscle lifters. ANY genuine perfection to muscles that approaches those seen in prize winning specimens mean IQ is lacking because blood can’t be two places at once!
DEAD OF WINTER-Now we’re in luck! Bucks are found at A.) Society balls, family Christmas parties, Country Clubs. You have to be well acquainted with, and very friendly with upscale married women in their 40's and 50's and even OLDER to get anywhere close to getting into these very high tone game preserves. That requires elegance, no overt T&A while befriending cautious female specimens and no showing up at their house later with T&A either. Once you've befriended a female who will guide you into the flock's stomping ground, you cannot be caught with an itchy trigger finger, or caught poaching or seeming to want to knock just any and all specimens over.
If you are consistently genteel, behave like Mother Teresa at all times, the older female will present you to the right bucks and bulls. They do it as they love and admire you, feel you are presentable and you haven't made them sorry they know you. So make friends with uptone women. These FLOCK STOMPING grounds and insider haunts offer some of the best picking available. And read MISS MANNERS and AMY VANDERBILT books to know how to comport yourself. Hide these books from visitors’ sight. It’s kind of parvenu to be caught with one.
A.)CORPORATIVE OFFICES. CEOS are found in Boardrooms. How do you get in? With the ‘deals’ that CEOS have put to them. Find a local daycare, arrange for them to get their CHARITABLE STATUS, so that local latchkey children of working mothers can get free daycare, then raise money for those scholarships at local Fortune 500 corporations.Charitable Status requires a phone call to the SECRETARY OF STATE in state capital. They’ll tell you the riff. Send paperwork yourself. Any accountant can do the ‘IRS CHARITABLE STATUS’ at that point. For free. Not just cuz you’re cute. He gets the Daycare’s account thereafter.
B.) WINTER RESORTS. Each big cold Northern Hemisphere city has a resort near it. For L.A. it's Acapulco and Puerto Vallarta. For NYC it's MIAMI and the Caribbean. For Paris, it's Majorca and Minorca. For London it's Caribbean or Southern Spain.
C.)The super RICH ARE AT THEIR 60-100 foot long YACHTS on WEEKENDS – the local yachting club is surrounded by piers where ordinary folk moor their 35 foot yachts. You locate the piers closest to where the l00footers emerge from the private yacht club moorings before going out to the sound. Stand there with cutoffs, a bait bucket and a fishing pole and wave, and say’ bring back a big one.’ They will take you fishing with them. You’ll have bagged ten bucks and a few bass by day’s end. You will have ‘BROUGHT BACK A BIG ONE!’
D.) SEEKING COUNTRY SPECIMENS?? The country side is teeming with two kinds of beast: good old boys who were born there, bachelors, and married men who have become gentlemen farmers and fled there to escape the city.
To find the single ones, just like in the city, the breakfast spot is WHERE! Try the local breakfast dive or Waffletoria. JOE's CUPPA COFFEE. ZINC SPOON, etc. 7-9 a.m every bachelor male in town with extra money is there pushing hashed browns or waffles around a plate. No married men are likely to ever be alone at any breakfast diner in the world, so this is the way to DETERMINE eligibility and also to view the fauna of the region and practice local capture standards.
ANOTHER WAY TO DETERMINE if your PREY IS SINGLE. ANALYZE, what is he driving? A CAR? in the RURAL COUNTRYSIDE? Must be a city boy, so he's married honey! A TRUCK is much better. Shows he does something out there in the wild besides watch CNN.
IQ of SPECIMEN related to VARIETY OF TRUCK: A Hominus in a FORD shows he's stupid as these vehicles die at 100k every part on them. A GMC or CHEVVIE toting buck is your best bet. Frequently go 250k miles on one motor. I wouldn't sneer at aTOYOTA, NISSAN but I WOULD sneer at a HUMMER as this frequently is the sign of an ALPHA MALE. Arrogant, vain. A total alpha is never trained easily unless he gets brain disease. Some women feed them porkchops and a kind of fatty senility is developed which slows them down. Anna Nicole killed hers in one year flat. Find out what she was feeding him. Then her lawyer took less than a year to feed her something that killed her. So what goes around comes around. Once you inherit the billion, stay outta marriages!
IQ of SPECIMEN related to imported TRUCKS: TOYOTA, NISSAN are usually under-powered at 4 cylinders but not at 6 cylinders so do ask. The size of the package is everything, ladies! Six cylinders is not really adequate for a rural buck but in a city buck it shows respect for ecology and fuel prices. The newer models are quite strong on 6 cylinders. EIGHT cylinders is what you get with good ole boys. You're safe with Eight. You can pull a load but these days, Six cylinders can pull all the load a man really is going to have.
CAN A BEAST BE CAGED? Many hunters report that even when captured, the adult HOMINUS buck is wary, testy, hostile and belligerent. So here, a frank discussion. WHY WOULD WE WANT ONE? HOW does the full grown BULL or BUCK really do in CAPTIVITY? Funny you should ask. THEY DO BETTER than fine. A survey done back in the 70's reported that OF THE FOUR groups of humans, the happiest were MARRIED MEN, the SECOND happiest group was SINGLE WOMEN, THIRD happiest group was SINGLE MEN, and the least happy group of all was married women. So put those statistics in your pipe and smoke it! Oh you ask, then why do I want to be married? Because you can save the world with his money. Those married women are happy. NO SHOPPING. Just doing an OPRAH of some kind. All charitable, saintly ladies are happy and do well in marriage.
All men do well in captivity except one group: the CHEATERS. These are the Serial killers of the romantic world. A rich cheater is the worst, he’ll replace you so fast it’ll make your lawyer’s head spin.
Even though Muslim men are very, very pure and moral, avoid this subspecies. They are known to bite the hand that feeds them. Slap it, whack it, punch, whip it, steal the children, flee the borders back to Iran and on rare occasions even stone it to death. If you find one, do the world a favor. SHOOT it and get the hell outta Dodge.
Hunters share their knowledge to get better at HUNTING! Send your suggestions, comments to firstname.lastname@example.org and I'd be grateful to you. I am sorely interested in seeing that all breeding age females capture a good specimen to replicate with. If you want to harangue me on my faulty understanding of the decency code or are Muslim, give it a rest. WHITE BUCKS have to replicate in greater number. OUR STATISTIC is such that we're about to go EXTINCT! Understand the realities and forgive me.
Signed, authoress, Anita Sands who raised four children alone in Hell-A the worst hunting ground on the face of the planet! And I’m not just saying that to keep you out of my game preserve. THIS IS A PRESERVE cuz I haven’t met a man in five decades here and I’m getting pretty well preserved! But no game here. SHOW FOLK only date sixteen year olds. At twenty five, you’re a hag.
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