It was another tough year in terms of the NCAA's, but I am not one to bitch and moan... at least not on the website. Tyrone Weeks leaves UMass with the all-time record for most appearances as an honoree on Senior Night (2). Everyone else is back, and the next generation looks poised to keep UMass among the elite programs in the nation.

As for this site, don't expect much beyond a few original graphics and links to better sites. For HARDCORE fans, check out the UMass Message Board.

UMass Basketball enjoys extensive national television coverage. There are, however times when those of us who live elsewhere in this great nation of ours cannot see the games. This is one of the great sites on the Web for a UMass fan:.

All you need is the RealAudio plug in, which you can get FREE from the AudioNet site listed above. There are two versions available - you only need the freebie to hear the games. Sure, the sound quality conjures up images of frightened European villagers huddling around a WWII radio, listening to the Voice of America for reports of German troop movements... but that's ok.

You can listen to the game live or any time (before the next game starts). The best part is that you don't need to stay on that page - once the audio for the game starts playing you can surf other pages, or shut down your web browser altogether. This is great if you live on the west coast (as I do) and have one of those pesky 'job' things, and all the games start at 4:00 p.m.!

 MikeUMA's Site:  Don't let the fact that Mike's site is on America Online fool you; it is VERY well done and has tons of great info. Mike's UMass Message Board is a great resource for real die-hards, though morons from URI, UConn, and such rabble have been known to flood it with their crap. (I sign my messages "Conehead Emeritus").

"NOTHING BUT NET": A professional site allegedly dedicated to the "UMass/UConn Rivalry"; until June '96 this site had been known as "CALHOUN YOU SKIRT-WEARING MARY".

THE HAMPSHIRE GAZETTE'S UMass Hoop Page: "GazetteNet" is so well-done, it almost creates the impression that actual "news" occurs somewhere in the Northampton area. (Sorry NoHo, but a Lesbian Crafts Fair is not "news" - especially in NoHo!)  Their hoop site has excellent coverage.

THE OFFICIAL UMASS HOMEPAGE: If you are an alum, there's no need to explain that most things are done better by the private sector. That's why UMass' own hoop page isn't even close to the best one - but its still good.

For those who give a crap, I've recently added an account of  "The Day I Met Ted Kennedy" at the 1992 NCAA Sweet Sixteen. It's actually a funny (but true) story, especially if you hate Big Ted.

So you're thinking about going to UMass...

Some people wonder wether UMass is a party school or an outstanding research institution. Well, in my five years at the University of Massachusetts, I only got drunk twice. I even remember the exact dates,* but everyone had different experiences. UMass offers a first-rate education at a university on the leading edge scientific research, set against a backdrop of rampant alcohol consuption and promiscuous sex. What more could you ask for in a learning environment?

The term "University of Massachusetts" is a somewhat misleading one. On the surface, it may appear to be one of that fine group of Land Grant institutions supported by it's state legislature with ample funding and spirited chants of "Go State U." (such as the Universities of Michigan, Wisconsin, or California). GUFFAW! If UMass were subject to the truth-in-advertising laws, it would be compelled to change its name to the 'University of It's Students Monthly Payments For Life'. That's because UMass makes up for its mind-numbing lack of state support by charging the highest tuition and fees of any state university in America - by a lot!

But the truth of the matter is that UMass is still a great place to matriculate... or whatever the hell you want to do there. So even though it's expensive, I have concocted a three step plan to get the most out of both your tax and tuition dollars!

• No matter how much you have to borrow, suck it up. If you play your cards right, you can pay it all back later. If you have other means of financing available, use them. If not, do what the Federal Government does when it can't afford things - borrow the money!
• Get your degree, and get the hell out of Massachusetts! For cryin' out loud, there are states in this country with little to no sales or income taxes whose average daily temperature rarely dips below 60! If you can tolerate life in an area with dramatically lower adult literacy rates and a societal acceptance of country music and NASCAR, there are plenty of places to live that are far more palatable than the Bay State. Your enormous student loans aren't even tax-detuctable (though I think the 1997 Balanced Budget Act may have changed that) - why sit down and flush your future earnings down the same toilet that screwed you out of a state education in the first place!
• Once in your new surroundings, publicize your degree! You see, beyond the Berkshires there are strange and mystical lands where sheepskins from an excellent public university are considered a good thing - not misinterpreted as an indicator that you couldn't get into an overpriced school in the Boston area. This way, you'll either get a good job and start paying off your massive loans, or you'll be able to lay low in a trailer park while you default. A win-win situation!

Following these three simple steps will allow you to get a quality education from the University, and still manage to give the Commonwealth the middle finger on your way out, and enjoy a low-tax, frostbite-free existance in some other part of the country.

*First time was from September 5, 1988 through May 19, 1990. Second time was June 22, 1990 through May 23, 1993.

IT'S ALL FALLING INTO PLACE...

In January of '97, I posted the following Nostradamus-like vision of the future. I may be a bit off on the timeline, but the wheels are in motion.

"PREDICTION: Following the 1997-98 season, Dean Smith will retire from North Carolina as the winningest coach in NCAA history. Filling his shoes.... Roy Williams of Kansas. And who goes to Kansas in this scenario? You guessed it... John V. Calipari. The Tar Heels can only try to fill The Biggest Coaching Vacancy Since Wooden with an established coach who has ties to the program - i.e. Williams. Coach Cal will become frustrated coaching hapless millionaires (despite his newfound kinship with them) and will return to the college game in his once-familiar stomping grounds at Kansas. REMEMBER - you heard it here first."

One alum, known as "Tom O." on the UMass Message Board, adds to this the belief that Rick Pitino will one day return to coach his alma mater. Only time will tell...