Every once in a while, a random passerby on the information superhighway drops me some feedback. Submitted for your approval is a sampling of this correspondence. I have edited them slightly to keep the authors terse and anonymous. The most recent postings are at the top.
I particularly enjoy receiving e-mail from people in distant lands. Albertina L. is a former Bostonian now living in a place commonly referred to as the "Everett of the Pacific Rim" - the Phillipines. Read carefully, and visualize along with me:
You are a genius! When I stumbled upon "The Mighty Pissah!" yeserday, I did an awful lot of crying, mostly because I was laughing so hard that I got all teary, then because I realized how homesick I am.
I grew up in the Boston area, but moved away when I was ten. I live in the Philippines now, and have been here for eleven years, missing Boston the whole time. Even your reasons not to miss Boston made me homesick.
The last time I was in Boston, it was the middle of autumn, and people thought I was crazy because I would constantly be sitting on the lawn in shorts and a t-shirt enjoying the bitter wind.
I'm picturing a 21-year old Filipina, returning to Boston and finding a pair of shorts and a t-shirt which she had left behind when she moved 11 years ago. They don't really fit anymore, but that's okay -they bring back memories. Reunited with the taut clothing of her childhood, she sits on the lawn, enjoying the bitter wind...
I think I'll just have a cigarette and think about this one for a while.
Amanda L. from California listened to the sound files, and thought she detected a foreign accent. Living in Los Angeles, I encounter people from all over the world: usually it's the foreigners who ask me what country I'm from, not immediately recognizing the Boston accent as the most American of them all. Amanda writes:
Sounds great! My favorite is the first one, Who farted in here. Additionally, I thought I detected just a hint of an Austrailian accent at the end of the Fliiper segment.
The closest I've been to Australia is San Diego, though I have been known to crack open the occasional can of Foster's if Guinness isn't available.
Perhaps the best explaination for this would be the riveting performance by Australia's Paul Hogan (of "Crocodile Dundee" fame) in the epic motion picture, "Flipper", winner of the 1996 Cannes Gold Lion.
Speaking of San Diego, Frank W. from that esteemed town posted the following question:
Here's to Boston. If I said I once lived in the Boston of the West, would you know what city I was referring to? Seeya, Frank W. of San Diego. And it's not San Diego.
Well, given the Bostonian perspective of "the West", I'm tempted to say Pittsburgh. I wrote Frank back in an effort to find out what town he was talking about, but he never replied. Perhaps he was "rubbed out" by officials in that city before he could make the comparison.
The missives chosen for this section of the website represent only a small portion of those e-mails from people claiming to be recovering alcoholics. I don't think it would be irresponsible to assume that most of those who don't make such a claim are still practicing alkies. Noting his affinity for "big hair" (almost as much a Boston icon as the baked bean or the lobster), Tom S. writes:
Guy, I go to faqin' Umass-Boston and I gotta tell ya, yah page is faqin' awesome! It truly is a wicked pissah, but no more wicked pissahs bendahs for me, I'm in A.A. Howevah, I still watch the faq-in' Pats and any girl with big haiah still gets me hahd.
This letter reminded me of why it is that I always laugh at websites that include a section entitled "FAQ" (for 'frequently asked questhons'). "Fah-Q", while it may look like the name of an Iraqi village along the Kuwaiti border, is one of the great Bostonian phrases.
A college student in Amherst, Massachusetts dropped me this little line, which immediately told me which of the three schools in that town she attended:
Cool page. I'm actually out at college in Amherst now, but I don't go to UMass. Most people at my school are from other parts of the country so I'm stahved for the accent.
I didn't even need to see the "@hampshire.edu" to know she was from Hamster College. If she went to Amherst College, she'd have said "I go to Amherst, not that filthy, stinking public school that keeps the local taverns in business. Did I mention that I go to Amherst. Amherstally yours, Amherst Student". I'd give her an 'F' in school pride, but Hampshire College doesn't believe in "grades".
The first day in my dorm I was bombarded... "Dahlin, ahnt ya hungry? Im stahvin. Ive been stahvin since Satadey!", then "heah, have some fries. Dont worry, theha good for ya, the badaydas ahnt fried" That scared me. Then, I would walk down the hall in my dorm and people, both male and female, would stand and stare. "Shes wearin bell bottoms and platforms" one would say. The reply: " =Its OK, shes from New Yawk" Since when have NJ and NY become one singular entity? (Editors note: 1961)
Where did I go when they asked me if I could go to the packie? I went to UPS. Seriously! I thought the most logical place to be a package store was UPS. Am I a complete moron? I just had no idea.
A Barrel is a trash can????
In what context is wicked supposed to be used in? "Hes wicked cute", "Thats wicked annoying" "Didnt that wicked hurt?"
I laughed so hard I almost choked when I was drinking out of the bubblah......(whats up with that too?) Your site is awesome.
One of the great pleasures of being a Bostonian in Exile is watching the reactions of other people when you use words like "packie" and "bubbler". Be thankful you were out in Framingham... there are places in area code 617 where suspicion of being a New Yorker would have earned you much worse than funny stares. {Back to top}
R.J of Katy, Texas was so moved by the Wicked Pissah soundfiles, he attached a "gift" of sorts with his brief e-mail:
Excellent! I really enjoyed them. Add this to your Boston pages!
Attached file
While deeply moved by this outpouring of goodwill, I'd sooner have unprotected sex with a heroin-shooting prostitute in Haiti before I'd run an .exe file attached to an e-mail from someone I don't know. {Back to top}
J.M. writes from the Lone Star state:
I really have to thank you for this page. It is great... I just moved from Woburn to Houston, this past August. Your page really made me home sick.
Are you sure it's the page that made you sick? Being from Woobin you might want to make sure its not too late to hop onto that W.R. Grace toxic waste lawsuit. {Back to top}
P.T. writes from Tobacco Alley:
Great site! I'm an '89 UMASS alum, Guinness fanatic, currently living in Charlotte NC. I am a former vegetarian, but now I just tell people I'm Queen of England. How do you like 'dem apples?
Well, PT... I hope you don't really say such things to the good folk of North Carolina; you may want to rent "Deliverance" and rethink that policy. {Back to top}
J.V. writes from the Mother Land with a question about the local lingo. He asks:
What exactly is an "ahsshole"?
I was walking across Congress street on High street this morning when I stopped for a traffic light change (which led to oncoming traffic at precisely the same nanosecond as is standard around here). The guy next to me didn't stop walking but instead walked right out in front of the oncoming cars. A truck slowed until he walked past and then the driver leaned out his window and yelled "ahss-hole!".
Is this simply a case of a Bostonian sticking an "r" in where it doesn't belong (and then pronouncing it in proper Bostonian fashion) or is there actually some difference between an ahsshole and the more common (even in Boston) epithet, "asshole"?
I've noticed in the past 30 years that I seem to hear the words "ass", "ahss", and "arse" used by the same people at different times, i.e. "Shove it up yer ahss", "He fell on his arse", "You're acting like an ass", etc. Are there any usage rules that you know of?
The first rule that comes to mind is that you nevah stop for a traffic light... what ah you, retahdid?
But seriously... I think that the 'Three Musketeeahs' of posterior names (ass, ahss, and arse) represent subtle nuances and variations in their meaning. I typically use 'ahss' to indicate emphasis - "You ah such an ahsshole" or "Didja see the ahss on her?". I also consider 'ahss' to be a Bostonification of the Olde English 'arse'; like any true Bostonian, the "r" is only pronounced when trying to sound like a dork, or mimicing an out-of-towner.
I welcome any feedback from readers about this phenomenon; send me some e-mail with your opinion. {Back to top}
K.D. is originally from New Hampshire. Tired of the constant pressure to "Live Free or Die" (the state's motto which adorns its license plates), he made like Lewis and Clark and beat feet for the Northwest. He writes:
I'm not quite showah if I count since I'm frum Nuh Hampshuh, but I really preciate the humuh in yoah Web site endevvuh. I bin livin in Washintun State fuh ovah tin yeeuhs, and I still cahn't unnastan why people heah cahn't figyah out what I'm sayin. And I'm nowheyuh neah fotty yeeuhs old. I'm still young at haht.
Well, K.D., people in New Hampshire usually only "count" during their much-ballyhooed early Presidential primaries (everyone needs a gimmick, and Minnesota already has the World's Biggest Ball of Twine). The Granite State is a tiny, insignificant place that essentially exists for three reasons:
This economic activity provides enough cash flow that New Hampshire doesn't even need a state income tax, thus creating a fourth reason for being:
4. So people who work in MA can live tax free.
Therefore, given its status as the only suburb with a Governor, I think the proud sons of New Hampshire can indeed count themselves among the Wicked Pissah of the world. However, NH elected its first female Democratic Governor in 1996. We'll have to see what happens to the tax laws once its time to pay the Visa bill, so to speak.{Back to top}
J.M. is a fellow Nuevo Angeleno (someone who moved to L.A.) who has the ultimate Bostonian job title: "Marketing Director at Farmers Market" - that could replace "Pahk the Cah in Hahvid Yahd" if this website takes off! She writes:
I am an ex-Bostonian and really enjoyed your site!! The spellings are very appropriate, funny and really do give a good indication of how to pronounce those words like a true Bostonian!
I wonder how many people who were born in Boston and never left, have any idea of how entertaining the accent and vocabulary really are.
I'll be checking in once in a while to see what's new. Oh - in Los Angeles, the thing that everyone wants to know about when they find out I'm from Boston (other than if I know or met the Kennedy's) is what the "Cheers" bar is really like.
The Cheeahs Bah is actually kinda retahdid. It's wicked small, doesn't look anything like the one on TV, and is basically a tiny bar with a big ovah-priced gift shop for suckahs.
As for the Kennedys, people never ask if I've met them - they usually say "Why do people vote for them", to which I answer that I am a refugee and cannot be held responsible for the electoral misdeeds of the Homeland. I actually have met the murdering drunk, and it's a funny story. Click here for "The Day I Met Ted Kennedy" if you give a crap. {Back to top}
Young T.D. writes from the Armpit of Civilization (New York City):
Hi, I'm going to UMass Amherst this fall and I thought your page was "wicked" funny (I'm from NYC so I'll still practicing the word). Damn right the tuition is a ripoff :-)....Umm...I'll get laid day one just to honor you.
Oh, you'll have to do it QUITE a bit more than once to honor me,
my friend, but I appreciate the sentiment. My wife (a native Californian
and UCLA graduate) and I have a deal - any future male children can
go to UMass, but our female offspring will be told "Daddy works with
his hands, he didn't go to college." {Back to top}
One Websurfer from Fort Collins, Colorado wrote:
You described me perfectly in the introduction to your page, for I am:
Hey, I really appreciate your time and effort to put together this page, complete with my Boston accent!
I appreciate your work. Please let me know when you add some academic crap to the UMass page!
Well, I wouldn't hold your breath about the academic stuff, but it's great to hear from the Rocky Mountain State. I've actually been to Ft. Collins recently and... let's just say it makes his struggle against the temptations of alcohol even more impressive. {Back to top}
I saw your web site...pretty funny.
I'm living in San Diego....it's VERY different from MA, but you can't beat the weather.
Anyway, just wanted to say thanks for the invaluable service you are providing to us Guinness-drinking, UMASS-alum, Californians. I don't know how many of us there are, but we're around.
Actually, there are TONS of UMass alums from Southern California, and others (like me) who had the good sense to come live in a place with year-round temperatures in the mid-70's. If you are interested in getting together with fellow alums in your area, check out my Wicked Pissah UMass Page, or drop me a line via e-mail. {Back to top}
Here is a personal favorite, which says so much at so many levels. The entire text of the message, including the heading, was...
BC RULEZ!
Sensing that this may be a rare opportunity to correspond with a BC student
who could read (if not spell), I replied:
Very articulate. Terse, yet it communicates volumes about you and your institution. I can only assume that "OCF" is some sort of controlled substance. While I don't have time to indulge you in an exchange of messages explaining the flaws in your brilliant hypothesis, I am enclosing the results of our most recent meeting on the hardwood.
Thank you, and I hope to see you at the next Mensa meeting.
BOSTON COLLEGE (78)
Abrams 16, Granger 15, Curley 4, Penn 18, Woodward 5, Thomas 4, Bedard 2, Jourdon 12, Fox 2 Percentages: FG-.415, FT-.571. 3-Point Goals: 8-24, .333 (Granger 2-6, Penn 4-8, Woodward 1-5, Thomas 0-1, Bedard 0-1, Jourdon 1-2, Christianson 0-1). Team rebounds: 10. Blocked shots: None. Turnovers: 13 (Abrams 7, Penn 5, Bedard). Steals: 6 (Woodward 2, Bosworth, Curley, Jourdon, Penn).
MASSACHUSETTS (90)
Weeks 15 Clarke 23 Ketner 10 Padilla 24 Travieso 8 Smith 1 Basit 9 Percentages: FG-.509, FT-.786. 3-Point Goals: 10-17, .588 (Clarke 2-3, Padilla 6-8, Travieso 2-6). Team rebounds: 5. Blocked shots: 9 (Ketner 4, Weeks 2, Travieso, Basit, Norville). Turnovers: 10 (Weeks 4, Padilla 2, Clarke, Ketner, Norville, Travieso). Steals: 6 (Basit 3, Padilla 3).