Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - March 27, 1992
The scene at the Philadelphia Spectrum was a surreal one; Massachusetts politicians gathered by the dozen to make amends for their years of non-support for public higher education by scamming freebie seats for the 1992 NCAA Sweet Sixteen matchup between UMass and Kentucky.
At the time I was in a position to scam my own freebie seats - fourth row, behind the bench. Those of you who were Cage Dwellers in the early 1990's may recall "The Coneheads" who sat behind the bench at home games; well I was half of the original duo (that had nothing to do with the seats, but it's relevant). Needless to say, the Coneheads were worn for UMass' first NCAA Tournament appearance in 30 years.
At halftime, my Coneheaded cohort and I made our way to a luxury box rented by a UMass supporter (obviously NOT a state legislator) who was hosting a little open house complete with "liquid refreshments". I was quite surprised to see the Senator at the shindig, so close to a place where alcohol was being served (guffaw), but there he was in all his glory. Then-interim UMass President E.K. Fretwell proceeded to introduce me - wearing my Conehead - to Senator Kennedy, with whom I exchanged brief pleasantries. As I too was taking part in the "liquid refreshments", I cannot quote verbatim, but it went something like this.
Me: (lying) It's a pleasure to meet you, Senatah.
Ted: Yes, thank you... quite a shot at half time, wasn't it?
At first I assumed he was talking about Jim McCoy's 55-foot buzzer beater, but looking back he may have been referring to Glenlivet or Wild Turkey.
Me: So is this your first UMass game?
Ted: Ah, no... I, ah, I, ah, yes. Yes it is.
Me: Well, you should try to get to a game on campus. It's quite an experience - the fans are crazy.
By now, I'm fishing for a comment about the rubber thing on my head - he said nothing.
Ted: I'd like to do that. (moving on to others) Nice to meet you.
Me: You too. Go UMass!
Ted: (confused) Excuse me?
Me: Go UMass.
Ted nodded and smirked as if he understood, but clearly he didn't.
Throughout the albeit breif conversation, Ted kept eye contact with me, and seemed surprisingly lucid. He did not, however, in any way acknowledge that the person he was speaking with had a giant rubber cone attached to his head. He did not look at the cone, he did not mention the cone... nothing.
The three most popular theories as to why this was are:
We will probably never know what he was thinking. If the Senator can't remember stepping on Mary Jo's face while saving his own drunken ass at Chappaquiddick, he sure as hell won't recall meeting an inconsequential sod like me - conehead or not.
UPDATE - March 20, 1998. The Senator responds!
One Wicked Pissah reader obtained this soundbyte from a press conference where Senator Kennedy was asked to comment on the "Conehead Incident". Clearly inebriated, the Senator exaggerated a bit. CLICK HERE TO LISTEN.
If you have a theory of your own, let me know.
Use your browser's BACK button, or use the menu below.