A Little Self Knowledge is a Dangerous Thing

You asked for it, you got it. We always talk about how much we want to get to know our neighbors, how we want to gain insight into our fellow human beings. Well, here is a summary of what you, the Squeezester community, told the doctor about your pysches in that most scientific questionnaire.

The doctor has to admit that she was stunned, nay, amazed at the state of the collective Squeezester psyche. She is sorry to say that all of the respondents should run, not walk, to their nearest mental health facility and settle in for a nice loooooong stretch. So, without any further ado, here is what you had to say about those nice chaps from Deptford.

Well, to start out, initially the identification of the people in the following photo did not cause the doctor great concern. Over two thirds of the respondents correctly identified the people in the photo as "Chris Difford and Glenn Tilbrook, and other members of the band Squeeze":

However, when asked what the people in this photo meant to them, some disturbing information surfaced. Here is what some of you said:

1. "Their words are the source of wisdom. They are deep and all knowing and since they have been through all, they can show me, mere mortal girl, my frailties." Oh dear. While the preceding is true, the doctor senses there may be some other problem just under the surface.
   
   
2. "This is the creepiest lineup of Squeeze, so perhaps they mean more to me in this form than they would in their current incarnation. For example, drummer Wilson Laves, pictured above, is a a friendly chap who disappeared shortly after the only time I ever met him. Coincidence? No. I am responsible. How, I know not. But I am the centre of the Squeeze universe."
   
   
3. "The sun, the moon, the stars in the sky. All that is good and right."
   
   
4. "They are so beautiful to me. all i need is the air that i breathe, and to love them. baby im-a want them, baby im-a need them. i can't live if living is without them. they please please me, i've got sunshine on a cloudy day, when it's cold outside i got the month of may (well, i have that anyway). with smiles so bright, they could have been a candle. i just called to say i love them, and everything i do, i do it for them. mrs tilbrook, you've got a lovely son. i wanna be chris's girl, ash ash bo bash, banana fanna fo fash, me my mo mash, ash, don't walk away, hilaire, if you wanna be happy for the rest of your life, got to be christopher holland's wife. they take me to some fantastic place, thru piccadilly, to a woman's world at melody motel, then i'm there at the top, in heaven. then i've returned. "
   
   
5. "Although I think they may have secretly tape-recorded some of my past arguments with my husband and turned them into songs, I don't believe that I really really know them, and I've decided it's just as well. Sometimes it's best to keep one's illusions intact. (PS--I used to have a pair of socks just like Glenn's wearing in that picture. You may draw your own conclusions.)" I think we already have, dear.
   
   
6. " Squeeze are the group that I sing-a-long to best. They are the music in me. They make my 1 hour commute to work (+ 1 hour back home) easier to take. Squeeze give me a reason to stalk." Oh, and you were doing so well there for a while, sport.
   
   
7. "They tell me how to conduct myself in social situations. I learned all I need to know about the following from them:
   
   * prostitutes
   * serial murder
   * serial prostitutes
   * being drunk
   * drunk prostitutes
   * Santa Claus"
   
   Again, this started out as a fairly healthy response. But, as we can see, the lessons learned may not really have been the ones originally intended.
   
   
8. "A drunk, an ex-drunk, a chubby ex(?) drunk, The Lord Our God, and the expendable one." Wow. Special counselling has been set up for this poor Squeezester, which will commence as soon as the doctor stops laughing.
   
   The next three defy any kind of analysis.
   
   
9. "The lyrics by Chris, sometimes they aren't "Manly" enough for me. I am a man. I have all the pressure. To quote the Beatles "My love don't give me presents." I know a guy who doesn't rinse the dishes before he puts them in the dishwasher. I look out the window at the marvelous street across from me and think "How did that guy do his own landscaping?" I know a woman who takes her shoes off without untying them first. Then she married a man who snores. During sex. Men can have no fun after the age of 25. Then it is time to bring in the crop. No wait, that's an S&M couple I know. We men of 40 or over must put our nasal passages to that stone-thingy. All that's left for us is work, death, taxes, and work. Oh and did I mention work? If man were to have any other reward than the joy of being a man, and leave everyone happy, it would be like holding a piece of string cheese in one hand and a staple remover in the other. I know a guy who married a girl who was in "A Star is Porn" and then she got him hooked on low-fat lunchmeats. I'm not running for the hills, I guess 'cause I already live in the hills, but the world as we know it could change. I really think so. Men are not perfect, but I am close. I know a girl who always loses her socks, she married a guy who sleeps in a leaky waterbed. Now he has her hooked on swimwear for bedtime. Sad. Don't even ask me what I think about the British, though I could tell you based on what I've seen on "Are You Being Served?" "Are You Being Served", "To Serve Man" (it's a cookbook!), what is the difference? I'd love to keep going, but I'm sure someone would misunderstand and change the thread to "What kind of lunchmeat, which is not the point. I'm sorry, this was a Squeeze question. "Are they mean to me" I think it was. Well I'll get to that next time. "
   
   
10. "They are a bunch of washed up has beens since they released PLAY. They are trying to get money from a bunch of freaks who are still stuck in 80's and are to stupid to release this era and move on. They have a cult following of fans that will do and say anything to anyone at anytime to let the rest of the cult following know how much they think they know about this band from HELL. If they were to check themselves into a mental facility they would never be let out - the fans that is. What they really mean to me is they write and perform songs I like to listen to. I really don't care about what the lyrics mean and NEVER try to analyze them like the EXTREMISTS. Hey if its good beat and I can dance to it I give it 10."
    
    
11. "I know a man who washed his coloreds with his whites. He married a woman who made coffee too strong. Sad. If I had kids that's all I would care about, not like that Difford guy. What's the difference between Christmas and divorce? Who cares! Follow me on this. Christmas is kids and divorce is kids. I know a woman who didn't put enough spices in her food that married a guy who alphabetized his VHS tapes, and she got him hooked on B-movies. Pathetic. I would never sell my Squeeze stuff. I hate Squeeze, but I always sing Melody Motel when I'm putting the kids to bed. What does that say about me? A man must be the breadwinner, not to knock women or minorities. Women should be in the home raising kids and replacing light bulbs. I know a man who hit himself swinging a golf club that married a woman of the streets that got him hooked on phone "dial around numbers". Poor guy all he could say was 10-10 over and over. Sad. My brother would sometimes spill beer on his shirt, and wear it until we left the bar. Life is tough. My sister would get a crumb on her lip and couldn't get it removed without me flicking it. Sad. Bet, thanks for grading my kindergarden paper. Maybe we could get together and you could give me a clue as to what the HELL I'm talking about. Did i say I had a cousin who cheated at Solitare, who married a woman who 10 years ago posed for Penthouse, and now she has him hooked on Cheese Nips? Pathetic. I must leave before Marcy gets to me, since thinking of a response to her could take away from working for my kids."
    

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