“There is no backward way for such as I!
Howbeit--for I am shaken with old dreams,
And as an idle wave tossed to and fro
I will go hence: I will go back to where
The quiet moonlight spills from the black brow
Of the great hill that towers above the lands”

 

“Traveling kinda light aren’tcha pal.”

“It was necessary.  The trip required it.”

“Uh huh. So what do ya call yerself?”

“Desolate Joker.”

“Joker huh?  Well I ain’t ever heard of ya, but I guess it’ll pass the registration boards.  You best think up a better one though, just in case.”

“Registration boards?”

“Yeah.  You see, back before the invasion, people like you were free to call themselves anything they wanted.  Hell, back then, there weren’t many of you people anyways.”

“So what changed?”

“The whole dang world changed.  What were you stuck in a hole or sumpin?”

“….”

“Anyways, like I was sayin.  Following the war, the city was flooded with people wanting to help.  Sensing things could get out of hand quickly without supervision, Statesman started laying down all the ground rules you guys have to play by.”

“So this … Statesman just started making the law as he went?”

“Well hell no.  He’s pretty darn influential, but he’s not about to use his position to force controls on people.  He’s got what’s best for the city at heart, I can darn sure guarantee that.”

“I’m sure he does.  Now, what were you saying about names?”

“Oh yeah, so Statesman says ‘Any man or woman that feels pulled into the service of this city, must first present themselves at the offices most closely representing their abilities’.  In other words, you have to register your abilities.  So if you’re a wizard, you go to the MAGI office or if you’re totally natural, you report to the offices of ELITE.”

“I see, and these are run by the government?”

“Absolutely.  That way they are able to monitor your progress, track your abilities, and keep you from stepping outside the bounds of your authority.  You know, with great power…”

“Yeah yeah, comes great responsibility.  I’ve seen the movies.”

“Movies?  You’re one strange fella, you know that.”

“Listen, the whole deal with names is that no two heroes can have the same name.  This wasn’t really Statesman’s idea, but he was kinda forced into it following Spectral Spider’s lawsuit.  As soon as money gets involved, honesty and integrity tend to take a back seat.”

“Thanks for the tip.  How much is the fare?”

“Hey, this one’s on me.  You never know, I may write a book someday saying how I brought THE Desolate Joker into the city of heroes.”

 

The cabbie was right, I was traveling light, but when the world is being torn to pieces around you, you don't exactly have time to pack.  Besides, I had long since learned how to start from nothing, and this place seemed a hell of lot more hospitable than some of the other worlds I'd been on.

 

Stepping out of the cab was like walking into a science fiction convention on steroids.  Everywhere I turned there were people in costumes.  Costumes, I might add, that were straight out of a comic book.  Wondering absentmindedly what would befall this place if there was ever a shortage of spandex, I made my way up a nearby flight of concrete steps.

 

Upon reaching the top, I noticed a young lady perched atop a raised dais, set in the shadow of an imposing statue of what was no doubt an homage to some hero named Atlas.  It was almost too cliché, from the massive globe set squarely on his shoulders to the emotionless stare on his face, as if to say 'is that all?"  Guessing that my destination lie ahead, I strode confidently toward the young woman and her dais, intent on discovering more about this world I'd been dropped in.

 

“Ah, Desolate Joker.  I’ve been expecting you.  Coyote told me about finding the drug formula, and how you helped clear some of the contaminated off the streets.”

“Word travels fast around here.”

“Faster than you can imagine.  Now down to business.  Before you can go prowling the streets wreaking justice on the evil plaguing our fair city, you’ll need to report to the MAGI office.  They’ll be able to find some work suitable to someone of your security level.

“Security level?  Is that some sort of top-secret clearance?”

“Yes and no.  It is a rough measure of your power and crime fighting experience.  Certain areas of the city are off limits unless you have been promoted to a sufficient security level.”

“I see, and how do you know what security level I am at.  Are there guards checking IDs or something?”

“Of course there are.  Don’t tell me Coyote didn’t give you an ID.”

“Nope.”

“I’m gonna have a long talk with him one of these days.  Alright here’s what you do.  Run into City Hall back behind me, and tell the rep inside that you need an ID.  She’ll ask you a bunch of questions; name, date of birth, you know that kind of thing.  Don’t worry, you’ll be out mopping the streets in no time.”

“Ok, but I have some questions about the city.  Coyote told me to come to you.”

“Did he now?  Well obviously he thinks I’ve got all the time in the world, which I don’t.  Listen, just go talk to the city rep, she can answer any questions you might have.  Oh, and be sure to tell her that you’ve been promoted to security level 2.  You know, for the whole drug thing.”

 

So this place wasn’t just plagued with costumed super heroes, but was also crawling with criminals.  It seems I had found myself in a world where supers were not only accepted, but so much so that they were looked to for guidance and protection.  The history of this place must be fascinating, but that couldn’t be my first goal.

Turning toward City Hall, I began to make my way through the growing throng of spandex and body armor.  Well, at least I wouldn’t have to worry about blending in.

 

Joker, I have something.

“I’m listening.”

It seems that I have gained access to a few of my locked systems.

“That’s good.  Any idea how?”

I don’t want to speculate.

“Speculate damn it.  I need to know what we’re up against.”

Well it seems that the system locks cleared when that young lady promoted you.

“What?  Are you saying she’s causing the malfunctions?”

As I said before, it is not a malfunction.  My systems are being actively blocked from my access.  Our original hypothesis was that the high mana level was the root cause appears to be at least partially incorrect.  Without further data, I can’t be sure, but it seems that the locks are somehow linked with your security clearance.

“Wonderful.  I’d like to test this theory, but it seems the only way to do so is to join the crowd.”

I don’t understand.

“I have to become a ‘hero’.  According to Liberty back there, it’s the only way to get promoted.  That means dealing with the city rep, and that means going to City Hall.”

 

City halls are always the same; bureaucratic nobodies dancing back and forth with no real purpose.  It’s a self-perpetuating nightmare of forms, filing cabinets and empty tailored suits.  I’d seen this place before, so I played the game.  5 hours later I had all the information I could handle, except what I wanted most.

 

Following a surprisingly pleasant chat with a young lady called Azuria, I was asked to see about clearing out some of her unsolved cases.  Seeing this as an opportunity to increase my standing in their little system, I greedily accepted the tasks she had to offer.

 

“How are those blocks coming along?  Any luck?”

Nothing yet.  I haven’t been able to find any work-arounds.

“Is it just me, or is this place crawling with criminals?”

I have noticed no less than 17 incidents that violate the penal codes of this city as described by the city representative.  Why have you not attempted to stop them?

“Simple.  Until more of your systems are freed up, I am hardly any more heroic than that little old lady over there.  That’s why I need those systems back online.”

What about the warehouse Azuria asked you to investigate?  Are we to ignore what amounts to a direct order?

“Of course not.  We are simply taking our time.  There’s no use getting killed before we’ve seen what this world has to offer.”

She isn’t here, you know.  But he is.

“Isn’t he always?”

 

However Azuria had come by her information, it was right on the money.  The place was overrun by what were obviously gang members.  The only trick now was finding out what they were up to.

 

Like most guards, the two I left in a heap by the door had been chatting instead of watching for possible intruders.  As I opened the large overhead door that lead into the warehouse, I fully expected things to go as smoothly as ever.  Life has funny way of repeating itself, unfortunately this joker wasn’t laughing.

 

“How are we doing Sergeant?”

“The operation is squarely on schedule sir.  In fact, we are looking at moving the time table forward 2 days.”

“No need Sergeant, but I appreciate your thoroughness.”

“Thank you sir”

 

I’d know that voice anywhere, but the sound of a door closing silenced their conversation before I could zero in on their position.

 

“Where’d they go?”

It sounds as if they’ve taken their conversation into one of the interior offices.

“Yes, but which one?

Joker, I must caution you.  We are not in any shape to go confronting old enemies.  If he is anything like what we have seen in the past…

“Just shut up and help me find him.”

 

Making my way through the shadowy warehouse without making any noise was easier said than done.

 

CLANG

 

“What the hell?”

“Looks like we got ourselves a hero, boys.  Let’s show him how we deal with uninvited guests.”

 

I never even saw the pipe, but that was the least of my worries at this point.

 

“Listen gentlemen, I don’t want to have to hurt you.  I’m only interested in the man that just went into that office back there.”

“Oh yeah?  Well I’m sorry but he’s in a meeting right now.  Perhaps I could take a message for you?”

 

Joker, his speech patterns seem skewed.  I’d wager he’s flying on something, and I’m betting it’s not the same stuff we encountered earlier.  Perhaps now’s the time to fulfill Azuria’s request.

“Fine, if I must.”

“Azuria sent me to deliver something to you charming gentlemen.  Did I mention the demon masks really work quite nicely with those outfits?”

“Azuria?!  That bit..”

“Now now.  There’s no need for foul language.”

“He’s after the Jewel, get him!”

 

Jewel?

“Time to put those newly cleared systems to the test.”

 

Whatever they were on, it seemingly made them immune to pain and faster than humanly possible.  Without warning two of the three were holding assault rifles, and the third was barreling down on me with a sledge hammer.  If they’d taken their time to aim things might have gone differently, but at least some things never change.  I’ve never once met a ganger that could hit the broad side of a barn from the inside, and these guys were lucky not to be shooting each other.  That being said, however, there was the small problem of the 16 pound sledge.

 

He may have been dumb looking, but at least he was smart enough to get out of the way my sword.  Missing his chest by inches, my swing caught nothing but air, and now it was his turn.  I don’t know if it was the drugs or the adrenaline or both, but that sledge was moving extremely fast.  No doubt it would’ve split my skull beyond the ability of the nanites to repair, but thankfully I’ve had no small amount of experience dealing with senseless killing machines.

 

The key is doing what they least expect, and when it comes to senseless killing machines, the thing they least expect is for you to move.  Ducking under John Henry’s swing, I drove my shoulder into his ribs.  Catching him off balance, I leveraged him backwards towards his buddies.  By now they had gotten control of the recoil and were starting to actually get close to hitting me.

 

I’ll never know if they were trying to hit me and missed, or if they just enjoyed the sounds of the guns going off, because moments later John Henry was nothing more than dead weight as I drove him forward into his buddies.  I let the momentum carry us into his friends, but after ten yards my back was killing me.  I figured it would be best if his buddies carried him for a while, and so I let them have him.

 

This had to be unexpected, but I’m just going by the looks on their faces.  Not waiting to see how they managed, I rushed forward to see what kind of information I could wrestle out of them.

 

“Now, where’s the jewel?”

“Screw you man.”

“You can either tell me, or you can take your chances that the little chip in your head or wherever they stuck it doesn’t malfunction.”

“I ain’t afraid of you.  You heroes are nothing but puppets man.”

“Where’s the damn jewel?!”

“You mean this jewel?  Hehehe”

 

That laugh.  That damn laugh.  Hearing it makes my skin crawl, even to this day. Just thinking about it makes me nauseous.

 

“Sergeant would you please?”

“Of course sir.”

 

BANG …BANG

 

And just like that the dance was over.  He never did care about his men.

 

“Now as for the hero, bring me his ashes.”

“Hehe, with pleasure sir.”

 

Mana levels are peaking Joker.  Something’s funny about this guy.

“I didn’t need to hear that.  The world was already tops in the mana department, and now I’m to believe it’s getting stronger?”

Not so much stronger, Joker, as more focused.  My guess is…

 

The curse had barely escaped my lips when the room was suddenly alive with fire.  The walls, the shelves, even the floor were instantly ablaze.  Without the suit’s ventilator I’d have been out in seconds, as thick black smoke quickly filled the warehouse, blurring my vision.  Combine that with the sudden increase in the ambient temperature, and I suddenly became aware why this ganged called themselves Hellions.

 

“Welcome to my world hero.  Like what I’ve done with the place? Hahahahaha!”

 

His words were being muffled by the smoke, and I couldn’t make out where he was.  In times like these I usually prefer discretion, but something told me I wasn’t gonna just waltz out of there whistling Dixie.  Without noticing it, I found myself on my knees; seeking some clear air to better scout my surroundings.  It’s a shame I was too busy studying the floor instead of my opponent.

 

“Well well, what have we here?  Come begging for salvation, have you?  Well you’ve come to the wrong place hero.  Hehehe, quite the opposite, in fact.”

 

At least I wasn’t stupid enough to re-sheath my weapon.  Acting purely on instinct, I drove the spiked pommel of my sword into the top of his boot.  It’s a lucky thing too.  I don’t doubt the massive gout of flame suddenly erupting from his palms was meant for me.  Have I ever told you I hate spell casters?

 

Scrambling behind the only nearby crate that wasn’t engulfed in flames was the only thing that saved me from his retaliation.  As the crate burst in on itself from the ensuing explosion I caught site of what was undoubtedly a shrine of some sort.  I hadn’t noticed it at first because of all the excitement, but it’s wasn’t exactly unfamiliar.  I guess even this world had devil worshippers, or something close to it.

 

Playing a hunch, I dove behind the small altar holding the shrine.  Just as I’d hoped, whatever powers he had stopped at the shrine.  In the instant of peace I sprinted toward the office I’d originally come down here for, but he was having none of it.  I’m not sure if the smoke altered my perception or if it was in fact there, but I could’ve sworn I saw a face laughing silently in the smoke swirling about me; a very familiar face.

 

In my moment of hesitation he was on me.  As his full weight pushed me to the ground, I lost the grip on my sword, and it skittered half a dozen yards across the floor.  The heat was becoming unbearable, and I have half a mind to think zippo here was the source.  The suit’s made out of some pretty stern stuff, but that doesn’t mean I can walk through a blast furnace unharmed.  That goes double for someone with blowtorches for hands who’s hell bent on turning you into a Halloween decoration.

 

Brawling isn’t my specialty, but sometimes you have to go with what you’ve got.  With my arms pinned at my sides I guess he thought I was as good as dead.  Unfortunately for him, me splitting his nose with my forehead seemed to drive any thoughts he was having straight out of mind.  Most people would think one was enough, but I’m a giving kind of guy, so I let him have a couple more. 

 

“You sonuva bith!”

 

The head butts must’ve rattled his brain a bit, because suddenly he wasn’t quite able to stand up.  That wasn’t stopping him from throwing fireballs though.  I guess I have the blood to thank for spoiling his vision, but there was no getting near this sucker without losing an eyebrow, or worse.

 

In his confusion I was able to make a grab for my sword.  Unfortunately, the way this guy was laying waste to everything nearby it wasn’t going to do me any good, or was it?

 

Spying one of those massive shelves loaded with crates suddenly gave me an idea.  Now I just had to get mad enough to actually make it work.  Some times brute force is all that’s required, and I had plenty of bad memories to work with.  In this case, they weren’t needed.  Knowing who I let walk away was fuel enough.

 

With one smooth motion I sliced cleaning through the front two supports of the nearest shelf.  As I walked away, zippo’s screams were suddenly drowned out by the crashing of boxes and crates, and the high pitched wailing of steel pushed beyond its limits.  No doubt the hospital would soon be receiving a new patient.