RAW Magazine: August 19, 1990
By Malcolm Dome
Could it really be him!?!
"HEY, ELVIS you're dead!"
Sunday morning on the streets of New London, Connecticut and there are brain cells traversing the dead-end wash.
"Hey look. Elvis is walking down the road!"
...There are people gaping from cars, staring out from the darkest recesses of local bars...
"Is that really him? Nah, can't be. He's dead!"
Tortelvis is out on the prowl, munching hamburgers, sizing up the locale for its potential as a location for a Hawaiian bar 'n' grill and generally laying healing, greasy hands on the masses.
"Wherever we go, we seem to cause something of a riot," explains an amused Jah Paul Jo, as the Dreadie cavalcade makes its sedate, majestic way towards the nearest plate of fries and a pot of streaming coffee. This, my friends, is Dread Zeppelin on the road. Not so much a band as a circus.
Tortelvis (vocals and fries -- to go), Jah Paul Jo (guitar, keyboards and goatee), Ed Zeppelin (congas, vocals and dreadlocks), Carl Jah (guitar and strangely perpendicular sideburns), Fresh Cheese (drums and mozzarella) and Putt-mon (bass and syphilitic cowboy boots). The collective Dreads have taken the halcyon riff, lyrics and attitude of Zeppelin, spanked it firmly on the buttocks, lathered it into a Reggae shape and added their own peculiar brand of humour and musicianship. The result is an album titled 'Un-Led-Ed', a forthcoming tour of the UK, praise from the likes of Robert Plant and Zeppelin manager Peter Grant, mass media acclaim...and the chance for Tortelvis to check out every McDonald's between the U.S. coastlines.
But, let me assure you, this ain't no fly-by-night-sleep-all-day bunch of comedians with less idea about Rock 'n' Roll than the National Rifle Association has on peace, love & understanding. This is a band with a purpose, direction, agility and vision. And 'Un-Led-Ed' isn't just a one-off, it's the beginning of something rather spectacular. Coming soon...
A Rap version of 'D'Yer Mak'er', a Surfin' rendition of 'Kashmir', a double album titled 'Albert' (a conceptual affair featuring some original Dread material), plus an even bigger and more adventurous stage show is all on the cards.
And that's not all. Watch out for Metallijah, Guns n' Rastas, The Georjah Satellites, Jah-das Priest and Spliff Little Fingers. Just remember this: "Ladies and gentlemen, Tortelvis has left the building...Honest!"
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