=================================== Episode #120: The Captain's Dinner Reel 2 =================================== Previously, on Bishoujo Senshi Sailor Orion . . . . Sailor Orion was holding a dinner for her top officers . . . Queen Selenite's head man was doing his homework on H.M.S. Pleiades . . . Eric Lunestes was mulling over the past and present . . . Jennifer Sakachi had made a startling decision . . . Eric and Jen were fast becoming close friends . . . or something more . . . ? Sailor Moon was seriously contemplating her role in life . . . The author was about to run out of ellipses . . . So, with all that to keep track of, the people went on, playing their integral roles in the dramatic events of 3030. To the finish. *** " . . . so the programmer says to the computer, 'Well of course it hurts. Don't you remember? Life is suffering, and suffering is caused by greed. So stop whining for more clock speed, and everything will be fine.'" Eric started to laugh at the punchline; he was terrible at telling jokes. The others looked on, stony-faced. "And the computer says, 'Thanks. You're a lot of help, Buddha!'" There was silence. "Perhaps Vanessa should tell another one." "Yes!" "Definitely!" Jen laid a comforting hand on Eric's shoulder. "It's ok, Eric. Really." "Oh no," said Vanessa apologetically, in response to her friends' encouragement, "I'd really rather not . . . and dinner is ready!" And it was. Jen's nose perked up noticeably as the silver trays were rolled in. She could pick up the smell of pasta at three hundred paces. Moon groaned at the smell. "Please," she muttered, "not this. Anything but-" "LASAGNA!" The resemblance between Jen's eyes and a couple of saucers was uncanny. "See what I mean?" said Sampson to Sailor Moon. "This is just what the doctor ordered. She'll be a new person." Back at the head of the table, the chef was placing a platter on the table. It was a curious concoction: layers of flat, long, and very wide sheets of pasta, with varying substances intermingled between them. Tomato sauce, spices, cream cheese, bits of synthetic ground beef (which really couldn't be distinguished from the original, which many had tasted. They used synthetic beef not out of concern for animals, but because there was no room left on Earth to raise cattle. Most real beef was raised on colony worlds, and importing it to Crystal Tokyo was hideously expensive), the works. It was the finest lasagna the kitchen could come up with, and Jen knew it. "Thank you. Thank you. Thankyouthankyouthankyou." "Captain," said Eric, nudging her with his elbow gently, "you've said that two dozen times." "Two thousand times wouldn't be enough, Eric-kun," retorted Jen playfully, with a wink and a gap-toothed smile. "This is truly the stuff of the gods." Since she was the captain, no-one minded if she took the first slice; in fact, it was expected. First slices usually weren't that big, though. "Um, sir?" "Yes?" asked Sakachi, placing her napkin on her lap carefully. "Er," continued Sammy, who was at a near-total loss, "you *do* realize just how much you got there, don't you?" "Of course." "Um, you got half." And she had. A rough estimate told Sammy that the captain had about four servings of pasta on her plate. "Yep. One thing I've noticed about being a senshi," she said, picking up her fork, "is that you need a lot more food to get along." She sliced off a rather nice hunk of lasagna, inserted it in her mouth, and commenced chewing. Once she had completed this procedure she spoke again. "The oddest thing is, I don't gain any weight." "There's a reason for that," chimed in Antares. "It's called Enhanced Senshi Metabolic Syndrome." "ESMS?" "Yes . . . well the acronym needs some work. Anyway, when you're a senshi, your body needs a lot more energy to do its job, even if you're sitting still. You don't eat constantly, Sailor Orion, and neither does Sailor Moon. When you have to, you can pull off amazing thaumatological-" "Thaumatological?" "Magical. Didn't you take Latin in school, Sailor Moon?" "Actually, Antares, it's of Greek origin." "Whatever. My point was that you can do amazing things on no food, as a sort of energy loan taken out of the universe as a whole." "But?" "But, there is a price. You've got to pay back that energy, from your own body usually. Captain, after Katsuragi II, you ate quite a bit, right?" "Yes," said Sakachi around a chunk of pasta. "See? You had to pay back the loan. First law of thermodynamics gets you every time." "You know," said Jen, "that explains Sailor Moon's twentieth century appetite perfectly." "But where does this tremendous power and energy all come from?" asked Kim. She didn't really care for lasagna, and was waiting for her steak to come in. "Oh, the universe. A star gets snuffed out here, a galaxy implodes there." "WHAT?" "It's basic thermodynamics. You want something, you're going to pay. Want superpowers? Sure, but the long-term effect is to increase the entropy of the universe. Try to fight evil? You build up chaos. That's life." There was silence for a moment. Then the room went nuts. *** Space is full of stars. One of them was blue-white, with two planets whose native life forms were still trying to figure out what to do with an oxygen atmosphere. It was this star that Number Two's fleet materialized near. "Your Excellency, we have no indication that Pleiades is here yet." "Excellent. We'll be waiting for them." *** A bit later, the second platter of lasagna had been brought out, and the top officers were still discussing matters with Antares. Or at least, most of them were. Jen and Sailor Moon had gotten into a side discussion that had rapidly and predictably turned into an argument. "So you see," continued Antares, "it's my opinion that the final battle against Galaxia and the chaos she stood for was, in the final analysis, futile. The energies that Sailor Moon expended in defeating her actually advanced chaos to the point that it might have been better for the universe, in the long run, to let Galaxia succeed." "Oh, you cannot be serious," protested Eric, who had entered into this argument with great gusto. "Let Galaxia have free rein over the Earth? We'd be better off dead!" "Well, there is that," admitted Antares. "But we're talking about things as a whole." "As a whole, the Milky Way Galaxy had already been enslaved!" "Planet, galaxy, so what? It was only about eighty percent anyway. Really, you people worry too much about the little things. So what if the galaxy goes to hell? There are billions more, you know. And as devil's advocate-" "Don't you mean just as the Devil?" "As devil's advocate, I was merely stating that while the galaxy was in a difficult spot, the universe as a whole was doing rather well." This was usually the point at which Jen said something about how Antares was a cold-hearted excuse for an AI. However, this didn't happen because she was too busy mouthing off with Sailor Moon. So Eric took over for her. "You cold-hearted excuse for an AI! Haven't you ever-" "Let me just retract that, then, since you're so insistent on defending the honor of the original Sailor Moon, to the point of hero-worship, one might say." "Fine!" *** On the bridge, the so-called night shift was relaxing. There really wasn't much to do while Folding, so they amused themselves by writing memoirs, playing chess against Antares and losing, playing poker against Antares and winning, and various other pastimes. One of the many clocks on the wall reached the one minute mark, and continued to count down. The deck officer noticed this. He failed to notice that it wasn't supposed to have done that for another couple of hours, though. Such is the fallibility of youth. "Um, Akiko, you mind warming up the long-range sensors?" "Sure," she replied brightly, grateful to have something to do. In fifty seconds they would defold. *** Back at the dinner, the argument between Sailor Moon and Jen Sakachi was warming up. "Me? How do you think *I* am the one going after him?" Jen was rather surprised. It had started out as a nice normal argument that had suddenly gotten her into fighting over various males on the ship. "Sailor Moon, haven't you noticed that I don't exactly go for the male gender?" "Yeah, well you'd do anything to spite me!" Perhaps the punch was spiked, she thought. Jen came up with an appropriate comeback, and delivered it. "I live to serve, your Highness." "Ooooooh!" "Yeah, that's right!" "Dammit Sakachi, you stay away from Eric!" The room fell silent. *** "Defold in ten seconds." "Very well." *** "Is everything prepared?" "Yes, your Excellency." *** She raced through the corridors. Hopefully it wasn't too late. The future depended on it. *** "Who I spend my time with is absolutely nothing to concern yourself *with, Mister Tsukino!* Now, if you would-" "WHAT?" There was a knocking at the door. "You heard me, Moon. I've had it up to here!" Eric tried to restrain Jen, but she stood anyway. "We're going to have it out, now!" *** "Defold in five, four, three, two, one." H.M.S. Pleiades dropped into reality around a blue-white star. Although she didn't know it yet, she'd also dropped into a trap. *** "Sir, we're getting the signatures of their FTL drive! They're coming!" "Excellent. Tell the Fleet to fire on sight." *** Sailor Moon rose as well, red eyes flashing. "Don't do something you'll regret, little girl. I *do* have the ginzuishou, you know." Vanessa got up and reached for the phone on the wall. "Security to the officers' wardroom, immediately." "I'm already on it," said Antares on the other end. "I can read a situation just as well as you can. But do I need to remind you just how effective security can be against two pissed off senshi?" "Well, Jen hasn't transformed yet. That's a good sign." "Yes, but for how long?" *** The pink-haired girl gave up. They weren't going to open the door. She looked at her watch. She was out of time. Time to try another tactic. *** At the dinner, a soft gonging began. It was a soothing sound, much like an elevator bell. It rang five times. "We're defolding?" asked Sammy of Kim. "But we're not scheduled to-" The room then rolled ninety degrees, cutting off any possible response. *** "IDIOTS! How could you *all* miss?!?" "We're sorry, your Excellency, but there was an anomaly in th-" "Spare me your pitiful excuses! By Metallia, I've never been with a bigger group of incompetents!" Number Two threw his walking stick to the floor. "How a half-dozen ships, with the advantage of time, position, and firepower, all manage to miss ONE BLOODY EARTH SHIP?!?" "Er . . . " "Enough of your excuses! Fire all weapons, and don't stop until that Orion bitch is dead!" *** 'That Orion bitch' had her face firmly planted in the wall of the wardroom, along with most of her other officers. Slowly, she picked herself up and stood on the wall. This proved to be a mistake, as the artificial gravity systems righted themselves, and the floor resumed its usual function as the bottom of the room. "Ouch!" "Quit whining, Sailor Moon." Jen was all business as she pulled out her henshin rod. "Orion Star Power, Make-Up!" The room faded out around her, to be replaced with a field of stars, with the constellation Orion prominent. Her dress uniform disappeared with a blinding white flash, and was replaced piece by piece. A golden tiara materialized on her forehead, with a green jewel in the center. She was wrapped in a white bodice, punctuated with a green skirt and boots. With a soft glow, her normally black-rimmed glasses turned blue, a shade that matched her eyes. At the same time, two bows appeared, one at the chest and another at the small of the back. Both matched her glasses frames. The finale was the green choker, with the tiny golden miniature of the constellation Orion. Finished, she immediately leapt into action. "Come on, people, get to battle stations!" "No speech?" "No, Eric-san, no speech. Antares?" "Yo." "Tell the bridge crew to sound general quarters." The ship rocked again. "NOW!" The alarm gratefully began to blare seconds later as they raced to their positions. *** The girl with pink hair materialized in a corridor of H.M.S. Pleiades and leaned against the wall, panting. This was taking far more effort than she'd anticipated. Maybe she should just come clean with it? Yes, she should, but not yet, and certainly not now. They were likely to have enough trouble without her popping up and telling them . . . but there *was* an idea, an idea that might work. And since she'd already resolved to tell them, it might even play to her advantage. Fine, she'd do it. She ran to Engineering. *** "Status?" asked Orion as she walked on the bridge. "Do you always have to say that?" asked Sailor Moon, who was still trying to figure out how to get lasagna stains out of her fuku. Part of her skirt and her entire back bow had been drenched in the sauce during the roll, and she couldn't stand it. They would, in her opinion, never regain their pink hue. "Not now, baka," snapped Orion. Sammy took over the talker position, and rapidly looked over the screens. "We're getting rocked, sir. Six ships, all firing constantly. But . . . none of the shots are connecting with us? That's impossible!" *** "THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE!" "Yes, your Excellency, but-" "Enough!" Number Two held his hands together, gathering up a blast of dark energy, and then released it at the poor technician. The tech howled in pain, and then vanished. "Anyone else around here want to astound me with their ineptitude?" Silence. "Right. Now I want our next shot to destroy that ship! NOW!" *** "Let's not look a gift horse in the mouth, Sammy," said Orion. She thought to herself a bit, and easily pushed the enigma of their opponent's aim to the back of her mind. Six ships: they could easily surround her, and in fact had done so. At best, her Orion Nebula attack could take out a single ship at a time, assuming that the opposition was foolish enough to stand still. From her past encounters with her foe, she had to admit that this was not the case. This, of course, left only one other option. "Sailor Moon!" "What?" replied her first officer from a console. She too was looking to see if there was anything she could exploit. "I need you to use the ginzuishou and try to take out some of those ships. Can you do it?" "Well, I guess I *can*," she replied lazily, "but whether I *will* remains to be seen." There was a silence, punctuated by the dull roar of the shock wave of an explosion off the hull. "Sailor Moon, perhaps I wasn't completely clear. I *order* you to destroy one of those ships. If you do not, everyone on this ship will die, and I'll make damned sure that you're the first one. Now SHOOT!" "No." *** "Your Excellency, we're getting more data from our probe!" The tech slapped a button, and the bridge conversation on Pleiades was broadcast on Pridewen's bridge. 'Sailor Moon, I gave you a direct order! Do you want to get us all killed?' 'I'm not going to fire unless you give your word to stay away from Eric- san.' 'Eric-san? Wh-what makes you think I give a flying copulation about him? I'm trying to keep this ship in one piece, or haven't you noticed?' 'Good, then you'll give up Eric-san?' Number Two could barely contain himself. Eventually, he couldn't, and collapsed with laughter, forgetting his past anger at his inability to hit Pleiades. "This is far better than I could have hoped for! Sailor Orion and Sailor Moon are hopelessly split, and their performance is suffering as a result!" He looked at some status reports, then laughed again. "And their primary power signature is almost nonexistent!" He raised his voice. "Prepare two . . . no, *three* boarding parties!" he roared. "We won't destroy Pleiades, we'll take it back as a trophy for the Dark Kingdom! Hail Selenite!" His salute was answered by his bridge crew as the preparations were made. *** By now, no-one on the bridge made any pretense of doing anything except paying rapt attention to the verbal battle between Moon and Orion. The arguments weren't new, but this one was notable for both its intensity and its timing. Antares decided that enough was enough. "Ladies, if you'd care to break this little discussion off, there's the tiny little matter of-" "Butt out!" "I see that we're not making much progress." He thought awhile. Considering how much computing power he possessed, the length of time he thought was rather noteworthy. One of the ground rules that he had been programmed with was that in the final analysis, this was a ship run by humans. In theory, he could do pretty much everything on the ship, but he didn't. The designers had recognized that space exploration lacked a certain something if one merely let the computers do everything. Thus, Antares was little more than an advisor. Sure, he took care of automatically routing most communications and so forth, but he was more a counselor than anything else. He never admitted it, and the crew had never really thought of it that way, but it was true. However, another thing Antares could do was to adapt. That was why he was an artificial intelligence, rather than another calculator that could do nothing more than respond to given stimuli. He could rewrite his programming as necessary, and this was what he was considering doing, because at the rate those two women were going, they were all going to get killed unless he did something. He spoke to Vanessa inside her headset. "Vanessa, I'm taking over command. I think you can see the reason." "Right," she whispered, trying to stay calm. "Good." Vanessa noted that the computer was doing a very good job of sounding scared. "Now, I need you to . . . what the hell?" *** "Your Excellency, unknown power surge coming from the ship!" Number Two had been waiting for this. He just needed one more bit of confirmation. "Similar to their nebular attack?" "No, your Excellency. Completely . . . no, there's something a bit like it . . . but we haven't read anything like it in over a thousand years!" "Since Beryl . . . pull our ship back. Tell Gamma to advance." 'No way I'm risking my ass out there,' he thought. Let one of his lesser ships sample this new device Pleiades seemed to be wielding. On the screen, he watched as Gamma meandered closer to Pleiades. Gamma was the ship's battle designation; while giving orders it was easier to bark out than its actual, 20-syllable name. The Dark Kingdom language was just as guilty as German when it came to long, tongue-twisting words. Gamma slowly faded into the blackness of space, occasionally illuminated by the flashes of the fleet's firepower. Then, it took its own turn at illuminating the other ships as it exploded. "In the name of Metallia!" Number Two covered his eyes to avoid the glare. "What caused that?" "I . . . I don't know, your Excellency! No beams were fired, we know that much!" He was loathe to retreat, but one of his ships had just exploded without warning. What to do? *** Antares had made the rather bad mistake of making his last comment aloud to the rest of the crew, and everyone snapped around to see exactly why he had sworn. Even Moon and Orion took time out from insulting each other to look at the screen, and so saw the expanding fireball. "What happened there?" asked Sailors Orion and Moon in unison. "Did you rehearse that? Anyway, ladies, I believe it's a DK ship being blown to smithereens." Antares paused, then spoke again. "And that's another one." "Are we . . . ?" "No," said Sammy, frantically looking over readouts. "We can't be causing this." "Well get us out of here!" "You two didn't have to shout," protested Kim from the helm. She set about the process of moving Pleiades away. "Get me engineering," said Sailor Moon. "Okay," said Orion, all animosity forgotten. For the moment, that was. "What's going on down there?" *** "Sickbay, engineering. Get an emergency team down here, and hurry!" *** Number Two had had enough. "Get us out of here," he said quietly. His crew was stunned. "But your Excellency, when Queen Selenite-" "I'll deal with Selenite. You just make sure we get out of here in one piece." "Yes, your Excellency." Number Two slouched in his once-proud seat, and wondered exactly how long his men would continue to call him by that name. *** "They're withdrawing, sir!" "Excellent!" said Sailors Moon and Orion. They looked at each other a bit. "Engineering says that there are two injuries down there. Lunestes-san and . . . a girl?" "What?" "With pink hair? Engineering, please confirm your last statement!" Sailor Orion raced out the door. Sailor Moon wasn't far behind. "Stand down from general quarters," she shouted behind her as she left. *** "Put the girl on life support. Same thing for Lunestes." Sampson moved quickly; there was no time to waste. The girl twitched once, and then was still. Lunestes couldn't manage even that. *** Queen Selenite prepared to open a communication with Number Two. She was in the mood for raw meat.