========================================== Episode #110: Sailor Moon Makes the Scene Reel 1 ========================================== "So, Sammy, what do you say?" "Put me down for Sailor Polaris." Lieutenant Commander Vanessa Leeds made a note on her handlink. "Okay, that's five hundred yen for you. Kim?" Kim shook her head. "This is ridiculous." It may well have been. They stood next to the exit door for the main airlock of the ship. It was a fancy title, but it was merely the biggest door to the main docking bay. They were anxiously biding their time until Sailor Venus's shuttle arrived. "Oh come on," coaxed Sammy, "nothing's more normal than placing bets on who the first officer's going to be. Even," and here she looked pointedly at Vanessa, "if you insist that it's someone impossible." "I've told you before," began Vanessa, "that headquarters would have to be insane not to give Sailor America the post as XO. They had a great synergy working together back at the School, they like each other; who could ask for a better relationship?" "Your head is in the clouds, Vanessa!" "And yours is a few hundred kilometers above them!" "Ladies!" exclaimed Kim in her break-up-the-Sammy-and-Vanessa-fight tone. "Calm down! I couldn't care if Luna were to be XO, as long as she did a good job. And anyway, the cap'n's coming!" They managed to resume a fairly respectable pose as Sailor Orion drew near. After an awkward moment, they even managed to salute. "As you were, and haven't I told you about those silly, arcane military procedures?" "Sorry, Sailor Orion, but Fleet Regulation III-3b clearly states-" "With all due respect, Sammy, it's bad enough having the squawk box yakking fleet regs at me without having you quote them too." "'Squawk box?'" asked Antares sharply. "I pray you, be kind to your neighborhood AI. Oh, and Vanessa? Put me down for Sailor Saturn. I'm feeling lucky." "You shouldn't be." "Easy, Captain, easy." Yet another feud between computer and captain was headed off by the airlock door light cycling from red to green. A second later, the door opened, and Sailor Venus, Chief Personnel Director for the Royal Star Navy, appeared. The two senshi greeted each other with the hug that all senshi theoretically accorded each other. Things had changed since the War, though. "Sailor Orion! You're looking well." "As are you, Sailor Venus." Her eyes narrowed; time had been wasting. "I trust that my executive officer was brought with you?" "Yes." "And that I will be pleased with the selection?" "Yep." The look of distrust disappeared. "Very well. Show her in, please." She smiled. Come to think of it, there were very few times that she didn't smile. "May I present to you Sailor Moon?" "Sailor Moon? But I thought that-" Before she could finish, Sailor Moon strode out of the shuttle. Sailor Orion stopped in the middle of her sentence, mouth hanging open. "Sailor Moon, requesting permission to come aboard." Sailor Orion continued to goggle. "Princess . . . ?" Sailor Venus laughed. "Don't tell me you expected the Queen!" The pink-haired senshi's red eyes stared into Sailor Orion's blue ones. "Guess I'm not so chibi anymore, huh? *** "ABSOLUTELY NOT!" "Captain, if you'd please calm down-" "Perhaps a drink of milk-" "If you'd like to have a seat-" Sailor Orion brushed off all the attempts by her three highest ranking non-senshi staff and continued to pace furiously about the bridge. "There is no way I'm taking royalty on this ship! NO FU-" "Sailor Orion," said Antares in his most placating voice. He hated having to use it now; it was usually so much fun antagonizing the young woman on her first command, but at this point she should really cool down. "Sailor Orion, you may note that standing order #423-j prohibits obscene language on the bridge in planetary orbit." There was no such rule, but at this rate she was either gong to burn someone's ears off or say something she'd regret. Probably both. "Who the hell does she think she is?" Sailor Orion demanded. Sammy cringed. She'd thought it was a rhetorical question, but the look Sailor Orion was giving her said rather clearly that an answer would be given, and soon. "Um, who do-" "Serenity, of course!" "Ah." The blonde waited until Orion's back was turned, since the redhead hadn't waited for an answer, then punched a number into her headset's control panel. "Vanessa-chan?" "What?" came the whisper. "Is she going to come down from this?" "Dunno." "ARE YOU TALKING BEHIND MY BACK?!?" "No, sir! Wouldn't dream of it!" "Damned straight!" Sailor Orion stalked off into her office, which was a little cubbyhole off the bridge. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief, especially Sammy. The headsets had been intended to prevent a dozen people shouting at each other at once in an emergency. They also made great conduits for gossip. "Antares," asked Vanessa, "is she always going to be like this?" "I don't know. The reports from the School say that she's very slow to anger. But when she does . . . oh, Sailors Venus and Moon are coming." "Okay, thanks Antares." Sailor Orion was a problem which would have to be dealt with later. Right on cue, she wheeled around to face the door when it opened to reveal Sailors Venus and Moon. "Senshi on the bridge!" "As you were," said Sailor Moon. "Might I inquire as to where Sailor Orion is?" As one, the bridge crew pointed to Orion's office. "Thank you." All the formality drained out of her voice, and she went to slump in the captain's chair. Ignoring the gestures of warning the crew was giving her, she idly tapped a few buttons. Sailor Venus walked over to stand over Sammy's console as she worked. "Has Sailor Orion calmed down?" A crash came from the office. "I don't think so. Um, Sailor Moon?" "Yes?" "Err, that happens to be the captain's chair, and-" "Ms. Porter," she replied, spinning the chair to face her, "is this not Her Majesty's Ship?" "Y-yes." "And am I not Her Majesty?" "Um, you are the princess, and-" "Ergo, this is my ship, is it not?" Sammy was feeling quite uncomfortable at this point. Someone had been appallingly stupid and she hoped it wasn't herself. "Um, I suppose-" "Good enough. Computer?" There was a pause. "Computer?" "Sailor Moon?" began Sailor Venus in a voice she apparently used fairly often, judging by the weariness in it, "I believe his name is Antares. And an AI of his level generally prefers to be called by his name, not just the 'computer' epithet." She raised an eyebrow. "Really?" "Yes." "Oh. Well, Antares, I'd like to know how many people on this ship do not have Japanese citizenship." "You know, *Moon*," he replied, using the most familiar and undignified name one could use with a senshi and not get hurt, "I generally appreciate being asked *politely* for information, especially when it's just to further your own inherited xenophobic tendencies." Sailor Moon rose out of the seat, pink ponytails flying. "HOW DARE YOU! Why I ask for information is your own damned business! Where do you get off figuring things like that out anyway?" Antares put on his HAL voice and relied quite calmly. "By using several different FTL processors, enhanced fuzzy logic emulators, and a nice healthy dollop of guesswork." "You bastard," she whispered so no-one could hear as she sat back down. "And extremely sensitive sonic pickups," he added helpfully. Their relationship was prevented from getting worse by Sailor Orion's bursting through her door. She took one look at Sailor Moon sitting in her chair, and turned to Venus with a triumphant look. Venus, for her part, looked like she'd rather be somewhere else. *Anywhere* else. "Ha! See what I mean! Can't leave the bridge for a minute, and our elitist Princess goes grabbing *my* seat!" "Don't you think you're being a bit childish, Orion? Oh, or did I forget you're still a child!" "Eighteen years old, and I'd counsel you to remember it, your *tightness*!" "What did you just say?" "Well, *you've* got such a *great* relationship with my ship, why don't you ask Antares?" "Fine, I will! Antares!" "Yes?" mumbled the computer. He had, with the rest of the bridge crew, been watching the shouting match between the two Senshi with interest, but also with a curious detachment. It was analogous to watching professional wrestling. Fun to watch, but you didn't like to admit to the fact, and heaven forbid you be involved in it. Antares had just been hauled into the ring. "Antares, what sort of disrespectful, obnoxious remark did Sailor Orion say a moment ago?" "Um, it would seem that there has been a failure in one of my memory banks. It may take some time-" "Don't mess with me, Antares! WHAT DID SHE SAY?" "Senshi," interjected Venus, trying to keep things under control, "I believe we may have gotten things off on the wrong foot." Orion and Moon turned to her at once. "YOU BET WE HAVE!" they cried in unison. "Good!" Sailor Venus beamed one of her trademark smiles. "At least we're in agreement on that count. Now, if we can get down to matters-" "Oh, no. I'm letting you know this right now." Sailor Orion began to pace indignantly. "Sailor Moon will *not* be under my command. Got that?" Sailor Venus cut off Sailor Moon, who had been about to shout a retort. "Senshi, perhaps it would be better for us to discuss this in private? I mean, having the entire bridge crew as an audience might be great for them, but I'd prefer something different." "I see your point," said Orion slowly. "Fine, I'm game, if *Moon* here doesn't try to flaunt her rank!" "Sailor Moon?" "I-" "Great! Let's go." The three sailor-suited warriors entered Orion's office. When the door closed, the air pressure in the room rose slightly as everyone let out a sigh of relief at once. "Is it just me, or are all our superiors nuts?" asked Sammy. *** After the door closed, Venus's nice gal demeanor was completely replaced by her cold warrior demeanor. "Right, I want to know what the hell you two thought you were doing out there? Hm? Just decided to check your maturity down at the airlock?" "Well, Sailor Moon-" "It was completely Orion's-" "SHUT UP! Right, Orion, you have fifteen seconds. Convince me why deliberately disobeying orders and refusing to have Moon as your first officer is a good idea." "One word, Sailor Venus. Liability. If something happens to the ship, and Sailor Moon is injured, what do I do? Go back to Earth and say, 'sorry Serenity, but these things will happen?' Christ on a crutch, you want me to issue orders to the next Queen of Crystal Tokyo? Do you-" "Time's up. Sailor Moon, any particular reason why you're acting like a pompous ass to a fellow Senshi?" "Sailor Venus, I really think that *I* should be in command of Pleiades. I've got far more experience-" "Bull!" "Bite me, Orion!" "Fine, if you two won't behave, then I'll have to get mommy on the phone! Antares, please patch us in with Neo-Queen Serenity, real-time, audio and visual." "But-" "I don't care what she's doing or who she's talking to. I want her on the screen, and I want her *now*! Authorization MA-5-V." "Very well. This'll take a moment, though. The Palace computers don't like me too much." "What?" "It's a long story. One moment please." A minute passed, during which Antares played a few snippets from Mahler's fourth symphony to fill the deafening silence. Finally, the screen flickered to life, showing a rather ruffled looking Serenity. She had water dripping from her hair, and the one-piece bathing suit was a definite departure from her normal attire. The three Senshi simply stared. "Do not even ask. Now, what seems to be the trouble?" Even Moon managed to look abashed at that. Venus decided to start things off. "Well, Your Majesty-" "Venus, I have told you about that!" "Sorry. Anyway, Serenity, no sooner do I introduce Sailor Moon to Sailor Orion than the two go at each other's necks." "A fight?" "Not yet. First, Sailor Orion asked me to show her the *real* XO. Then your daughter demanded that I get this 'misshapen proletarian offal' out of her presence and show the *real* Captain. After that, things went downhill." "I see," said Serenity, who didn't, "and that was the point at which they fought?" "No, my Queen. At that point, Sailor Orion went up to the bridge without a second look at Sailor Moon. What she did up there, I don't know. I do know that Sailor Moon didn't seem very apologetic after Orion left." "What did you want me to do?" asked Sailor Moon scathingly. There came a knock on the door. "You could have said something to the effect that you were sorry for insulting your superior officer." "And if I wasn't?" "You would have been," concluded a white cat who happened to be walking in the door, his previous knock having been ignored. "Artemis?" The look of surprise was clear on Venus's face. "What are you doing here?" "Well, I *am* Serenity's minister of protocol-" "-Among other things!" "Yes, well," he here paused a moment for his blush to go away, "anyway, Her Majesty wanted me to check a few things out around here, make sure everything's ready for the send-off tomorrow, and--oh, hi Queen!" On the screen, Serenity nodded her head. "How do you do?" "Just peachy. And you?" "Excellent, at least until this affair came up." "Oh yeah, I heard about that." He turned to Orion and Moon. "Now, Captains-" Sailor Moon balled up a fist, then let it go. Sailor Venus looked pointedly at Artemis. The cat noticed neither of these things. "-Captains, I think that both of you have behaved irresponsibly today. Am I correct?" "Well," said Venus, "you could count having an argument in front of the entire bridge crew as irresponsible. As you could count an amazing lack of tact!" Artemis looked at the two faces glaring at him. "What did I do wrong?" "*Captain*?" "Oh. Damn." "No need to apologize, Artemis," said Sailor Orion. "You just needed to put Sailor Moon here in her place!" "You're not helping your case here, Sailor Orion," said Artemis sharply. "I'm quite sure that Her Majesty has appropriate reasons for giving Sailor Moon this posting. Right?" "Correct, and do not 'Her Majesty' me! Sailor Orion, there are two main reasons why Sailor Moon will be your first officer." On the screen, she accepted a towel from someone whose arm was the only thing they saw. She nodded to the mystery person and continued, wrapping the towel about her. "The first reason is that I feel my daughter has to grow up." "Your Majesty?" "She has been on Earth far too long." Serenity began to pace. Apparently, the camera on the other end wasn't equipped to follow her movements; she moved in and out of the picture. "She's spent a long time on one planet. Even I had left Earth at age . . . well, it does not matter. I was born on the Moon. But even then . . . she will someday rule the Crystal Millennium, and I do not want her to be hidebound like myself, unwilling to stir from Earth except for special occasions. And although she will hate me for this, I will say it anyway. I think that Sailor Moon is a bit rusty." "Mom!" "I mean it! When possible, I sent her back to myself in the twentieth, but the margin that now exists there is far too short. There is too much possibility of her being embroiled in my affairs at the last moments of that century." Sailor Orion nodded, yet still fuming; 1997 to 2001 encompassed four years, the only four years in which Princess Usagi could be sent to the past safely. "Therefore," continued Serenity, "I must keep her here. And what better way to gain some training than to be a starship officer? She has the rank, after all." "*Had.*" "And the second reason?" asked Sailor Orion, ignoring Sailor Moon's last comment. "That cannot be revealed right now. You will learn of it at the briefing tomorrow." "Briefing?" "Pre-cruise meeting, to be held immediately after the arrival of the flag officers tomorrow morning." The queen raised an eyebrow. "You *did* receive the orders, didn't you?" Sailor Orion played a counting game in her head, trying to decide which of her three bridge wizards would hang for this. Then again, how effective would keel-hauling be in space? "No, I'm afraid I did not, Your Majesty. But appropriate accommodations will be provided, that I assure you." "Very well. Room for seventeen, completely soundproof and bugfree. Is that understood?" Soundproof? Free of electronic monitoring devices? In less than twenty-four hours? Had her sovereign lost her mind? "Consider it done, Your Majesty." "Excellent. I look forward to meeting you again tomorrow. Endymion, what are you doing with that hose?" Three humans and a cat watched the screen intently. They couldn't hear the reply. "Now you put that-ahhhh!" Serenity was bowled over by a jet of water, disappearing from the picture. "I'll get you for that!" she shouted, spluttering. "And you too, Ami-chan!" They could make out the sounds of laughter over the channel. Serenity reappeared and snapped her head over to the screen on her side. She appeared to notice them for the first time. "D'oh!" she cried, slapping a button. The screen went black. Artemis summarized things up the best. "Well, that was informative." *** That evening, Sailor Orion was doing some of her hardest thinking since coming aboard. She paced from one side of her cabin to the other side, mumbling about how quickly she could accomplish this, and peering angrily at the walls. Finally, she picked out a spot that was bare except for a couple of pipes and a box labeled "AUX PWR SPLY 94S. DNS." She hadn't the damnedest idea what that meant, but she thought that the large group photograph of her family covered it rather nicely. Finished, she flopped down on the two-seat couch in what passed living quarters, thinking fondly about how nice it would have been to share it with Eileen. A knock came at the door, interrupting her reverie. "Come in," she called. The door squeaked open, which was another thing to talk to engineering about, and Sailor Moon walked in. "Ah, hello," Sailor Orion said warmly. "And how are you?" "Permission to speak freely, sir?" Sailor Orion sighed. "Granted for the duration of the voyage." Sailor Moon was shocked. "Sir?" Sailor Orion put her boots up on the coffee table that doubled as a desk that tripled as a bookshelf. "I see no point in silly naval protocol, and the word from your mom's mouth is to play nice with you. And I really can't hope to win against a goddess." "Your file didn't say anything about you belonging to the Church of Serenity." "It doesn't say anything about me belonging to the Stars First organization either, but I still agree with their ideas. Whether I like it or not, Serenity fits most definitions of the word goddess, correct?" "I suppose so. I hadn't given it much thought." "Try. That's a historian's job." "Is it?" "No. But it sounds nice, doesn't it?" "I suppose." Sailor Orion sat up and patted the eat next to her. "Come on. Have a seat and tell me why you've come here." Sailor Moon sat. "Well, sir-" "Orion. Just Orion will do." "But sir has one syllable, and Orion has three--" "Stick to Orion, okay kid? Now what the trouble?" "Well, Orion, I just wanted to get straight what the relationship here is." "Captain and First Officer. Unless you'd like to go for some other post. I think Science has some positions open." "No way!" In that instant, she sounded remarkably like the little girl who had changed everything in the twentieth. "I mean . . . do you still hate me, or what? Because if you do, then I'll just leave right now." "Against your mother's wishes?" "Yes." Sailor Orion exhaled a loud breath. "Well, you've got more guts than I do. When Serenity tells me to keep you as XO, I listen. I won't hate you." Sailor Moon broke out into a broad smile. "Great!" "But," said Sailor Orion warningly, "I'm not going to love you, either. I think there's enough room on this ship for the two of us to get along with having to be lovey dovey." "Agreed. And just for the record, I'm not a lesbian." Orion blushed at this. "Not that I have anything against them, or anything, you understand. Some of my best friends are lesbians!" Orion blushed even more, and then couldn't help it. She broke up and laughed. "Uranus . . . and Neptune . . . best friends with anyone else . . . the seasoned warriors?" She dissolved into more giggles and fell out of her chair. Heaven only knows how long she would have gone on like that if she hadn't hit her head on a stack of books on the way down. "Ouch!" "Serves you right, insulting Uranus and Neptune like that!" "I wasn't insulting them, you pink-haired twit!" "Oh yeah, you freak!" "Watch how you speak to a superior officer!" "Permission to speak freely?!" Inasmuch as it is possible for a computer to sigh inwardly, Antares sighed. He had counted no less than 543,298 instances of his thinking that it was going to be a long cruise. Make that 543,299.