Copyrighted.
©
I’m on a mission. A mission to spread the good word about giving head and just how good head can be. And,
I’m talking giving and getting. All you boys and girls that refuse to get on your knees and lick, suck and swallow –
I’m gonna tell you different. And for those that don’t want to get it – well, I’m out to change your
minds too.
An
Intimate Experience
Giving head is so pleasureful and intense; there are few things that can compare with the intimacy of this sexual
act. Placing your mouth into the heart of sensitivity and sexuality to cause arousal; to manipulate the movements of your
tongue, your lips, your face, your hands – all at once; to concentrate so many nimble movements, solely to give your
partner pleasure. Think of all the variations of sensations that can be applied with various parts of your body. These sensations
can’t be recreated in an act of intercourse with your sexual organs connected (unless you have additional partners),
except with giving head. For someone to say they want to go down on me is such a compliment. This is telling me that they
want to be that close to me, to actually consume a small part of me, to be enshrouded in my ecstasy. Giving head is a personal
decision and a beautiful expression of intimacy.
Getting’
Down
Now you’re thinking about the possibility of submitting to head. You may want to learn about what you’re
doing first. I have found over 50 pages of instructions and information through the web pages associated with the Society
for Human Sexuality (www.sexuality.org). My other favorites include the video, Nina Hartley’s Guide to Oral Sex, and
the book, The New Good Vibrations Guide to Sex (www.goodvibes.com). If you have a partner that is unwilling, you must communicate
your desires. Don’t begin talking about it during sexual activities. All new sexual acts should be discussed with your
partner in a neutral setting.
If your partner is adamant about refusing to go down on you, the last thing you want to do is shove their head
in your crotch. Some suggestions instead are to buy a book, place it on the coffee table and start looking at it together,
or you could rent the video and agree to watch it together, or even go to a link listed above and peruse the information together.
Masturbating in front of each other can open a door to oral sex. Masturbation is such a personal sexual experience
that when shared, opens many doors to new sexual endeavors. Progressing to mutual masturbation will help introduce your partner
to an intimate display of your sexuality. It is important to see how one another enjoys receiving sexual pleasure. The variations
of touch: rhythms, places and amount of pressure are essential to learning about your partner and what sensations you can
give to one another.
Blow
by Blow
Now you are your partner are ready to begin giving and getting head.
Begin with touching, massaging and caressing. You can do this with your tongue, lips, hands, hair, feet - any
part of your body that will turn your partner on. Be patient, take your time, don’t do this in the dark, in fact, turn
all the lights on, explore your partner, and TALK to them, ask them how it feels. When your partner is beginning to feel aroused,
begin doing more things. Use your mouth more, use more pressure with your hands, make all of your movements more intense. Sustain their arousal with the manipulations of your body. You have control of their
sensations and it’s time to have some fun in getting them to cum.
If you know anything about G-Spot or P-Spot stimulation, now is the time to begin. Realize that these are anatomical
features and that all of our bodies have the capabilities of having incredible orgasms through stimulating these areas. If
you are open to new sensations, you may want to experiment with various places on your body too.
If you are using your fingers, wash your hands first or use a latex glove with lubrication. This will prevent
tearing (from long or uneven fingernails or hangnails) and spreading bacteria.
The G-Spot is an “idea”, not an actual anatomical feature.
This ambiguous feature can be found on the underside of a woman’s clitoris, located a few inches inside and up.
There is a urethral sponge surrounding this ultra-sensitive tissue. When this area is stimulated, and the woman begins to
orgasm, the sponge begins secreting fluid, hence ejaculation, hence a wet spot. Not all women will ejaculate, but be patient
and try, try again (please). Some women may find the area too sensitive and become
irritated from the direct pressure. Stay in communication to be sure this is
a pleasurable experience.
Now, for the guys, the P-Spot is the male g-spot, also known as the prostate gland. This can be stimulated by
first massaging the perianal area (using your fingers or mouth) and then by placing a finger, or anal toy (typified by a flared
base) into the anus. Use lots of lube, a latex glove (or finger condom), and go inside a few inches until you feel the special
spongy tissue (some relate it the size of a walnut). Your partner must be relaxed and wanting to feel this sensation. NEVER
put anything into anyone’s anus without consent and preparation. Stimulating this area can produce an incredible orgasm.
The number of a woman’s orgasms are practically unlimited, especially with oral sex and g-spot stimulation.
If she begins to feel multiple orgasms and there is an extreme sensation (perhaps painful), she’s probably receiving
too much contact with her clitoris. Lamaze-style breathing is very helpful in controlling the feelings of extreme sensations
from multiple orgasms or just laying off for a while is helpful too.
If you are interested in having your man receive multiple orgasms, it is possible, and means being able to come
via their penis and their prostate. Learning about P-Spot stimulation, massage
techniques and their own body’s reactions are all lessons in giving them multiple orgasms. These orgasms will not always
include ejaculation, but rather the sensation. Also, an erection is not necessary for them to have an orgasm through these
techniques. I highly recommend reading The Multi-Orgasmic Man for more information or watching the Bend Over Boyfriend series
of videos with the sex-positive expert, Carol Queen Ph.D.
Spit
or Swallow?
This section is about the safety surrounding oral sex. Having protection (including condoms, latex gloves, dental
dams or the less expensive alternative plastic wrap) should be an absolute; that is, unless you’re extremely selective
or fluid bonded with your partners. Genital warts and herpes are viruses that don’t go away and are usually invisible
and without symptoms. Tests can only be given if a breakout has occurred, and then again, the test isn’t full proof.
HIV is also a virus, but the tests can be offered at any time to anyone (and anonymous and for free). I can’t stress
the use of condoms and other protective materials enough. If you are clean now and respect yourself (and your partner) then
stay clean, and have protection.
The American Association of Physicians for Human Rights (AAPHR) issued a ranking in 1990 of various oral sex
practices, in descending order of risk:
· Oral sex with men with ejaculation and without a condom
· Oral sex with women (without a barrier)
· Oral sex with men with pre-ejaculate and without a
condom
· Oral sex with men with no (pre) ejaculate and without
a condom
· Oral sex with men or women with protection
I’m not trying to scare anyone, just providing some information that I have researched and know. If I’m
in an oral situation and I don’t know you, latex licking will be involved. There are a lot of gels out there to diminish
the latex flavoring and still give your partner pleasure. Then again, the smell and taste of latex can be a turn-on, like
a Pavlovian response.
Still
Dripping
Do you realize what you’ve been missing now? Giving head is a wondrous convergence of sensations and explorations.
Do you really want others to miss out on this? Start conversations with your lover(s) and your friends, especially if they’re
nicknamed, Chief No-Blow. Realize the possibilities of great sex and sexual sensations. Nothing should stop you from exploring,
from feeling, from knowing more and more. The information, the experiences, the beauty of the human orgasm is out there to
be seen, felt, and heard ‘round the world. "Yes! Yes! More! Don’t stop! Ooohmmmaaah!"
If you have any related questions, please feel free to post them to http://www.sfsi.org/ . This is the link to the San Francisco Sex Information.
They provide free, anonymous, positive, judgment-free information about all issues of sex and sexuality. If you need a resource in your area for doctors, testing, sex toy shops, events – they will either
provide it first hand or tell how to achieve that information.
More Recommended Readings (available at www.goodvibes.com and www.Amazon.com ):
Oral Caress: The Loving Guide to Exciting A Woman: A Comprehensive Illustrated
Manual on the Joyful Art of Cunnilingus
by Robert W. Birch (paperback – Dec. 1996) $19.95
Going Down: Lip Service from Great Writers by Anaïs Nin, et al. (Hardcover -- October 1998) $11.65
The Clitoral Kiss: A Fun Guide to Oral Sex, Oral Massage and Other Oral
Delights by Kenneth Ray, Ph.D., et
al. (Paperback – June 1993) $16.95
Oral Sex for Dodos by Les Deux. (paperback 1999) $10.82
Let Me Count the Ways : Discovering Great Sex Without Intercourse, by Marty Klein Ph.D. and Riki Robbins Ph.D.. (Hardcover
-- February 1999) $19.96
The Multi-Orgasmic Man : Sexual Secrets Every Man Should Know , by Mantak Chia, et al. (Paperback -- May 1997) $13.50
