| The Birth Story | ||
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8 July 2001.
I had been having some contractions for the last weeks before the big day, mostly in the evening when Kurt and I would go down to the river for a sunset walk. I would moan earnestly through the short lived tightening around my belly and lean on Kurt as I imagined myself in labor at some point in the not too far off future. But Sunday was different. That afternoon I walked Kurt to the subway station at 145th and St Nicholas Ave as he was going to midtown to visit with an old friend from Alabama. After I dropped him off I walked around the corner onto a street I normally don’t frequent only because it is off my regular route. Halfway down the block of brownstones with their gigantic stoops a women sitting on one called out to me that my baby will be coming tomorrow. I laughed and responded that the next day would be better because tomorrow was going to be pretty hot. Little did I know that in less than an hour she proved to be right because I literally walked back home and started to contract regularly.
I was working on a photo album project all afternoon at the kitchen table. Every 10-15 minutes I stood up to walk around and sit on a large red ball in the living room. I rolled my pelvic around in a circle sort of humming through the mild contractions (CTXN). Soon enough I gave up on the photos because I wasn't getting anything done. Jane called at one point asking me how I was doing and I told her I was contracting every 15 minutes. She said "Really? Well I have a baby girl in my arms." I was shocked! It didn't occur to me that she would somehow have her baby before me as I had just talked to her the day before. Apparently she had a very quick birth that morning. We talked about how great it was for her and Dorian and how maybe I would need to come get the baby pool if these contractions stuck around.
Kurt came home and I shared all the news that had occurred in just a few hours. We decided it would be best to go down to the upper west side and visit Jane and Dorian to see their new baby and pick up that pool. I really wanted to labor in water comfortably and our tub is just too small.
How ironic it was to be in a car while in early labor. Here I had planned a home birth partially to avoid that exact circumstance and there we were doing it. We just laughed it off. I want that pool…and to meet Jane's baby Alice Luna, of course.
We arrived to find Jane in bed with her baby. I have very little memory of seeing Alice. I do remember leaning on Jane's bed during a contraction and Jane lying to me , "That's as bad as they get, really." God how I wanted to believe her but I have seen too much as a doula to really buy it. Incredible how fast the pain of childbirth is forgotten.
We brought our leftover dinner for them and headed home again with the inflatable thick walled puffy floor baby pool. Yes! I can go into labor now, I thought. When we got home Kurt called Alice our midwife to let her know that I had been contracting all afternoon. I thought it wasn't necessary because I was convinced they were going to stop by the morning. Shortly afterward, around 10:30pm, we went to bed.
I was awakened at 1:30am by a strong contraction and, without disturbing Kurt, I got up and poured myself a shot of whiskey. I figured that if that doesn't stop the contractions then I really was in labor and I could just accept it and get on with it. It was my way of finding out what the next day was going to be about. Of course they didn't stop at all. I spent the next two hours in bed moaning through the tightening of my belly every ten minutes. Kurt wasn't able to sleep through that so at 3:30am we decided to get up and start our birth day.
Kurt drew me a lovely bath complete with candles that he placed on the edge of the tub and sink. I sank into it inhaling the lavender oil and holding Kurt's hand. It was relaxing in between the rushes. Unfortunately, at one point, I snuffed out a candle with the palm of my hand while pulling myself up for a contraction. It stopped that contraction cold. Interesting, was all I could think to myself as I stared at the small burn on my hand.
I spent a couple of hours in there I think until the sun rose, sleeping in the water between contractions. I remember hearing the birds chirping while looking at Kurt sleeping on the floor next to me. When I got out of the tub I threw up. As I finished I asked Kurt to page Jenna my friend who is also a fantastic doula. I thought for a moment that I was flying through labor. Strangely she didn’t return the page but my panic waned. It turned out we had the wrong number written down. Kurt suggested we go out for a walk before the neighborhood really wakes up. It would be my only chance to get some fresh air. He was right, of course, but I dreaded it. All those stairs (we live in a four floor walk-up). And the noise on the street. I felt nauseous thinking about it. He helped me put on my maternity sundress that I wore daily for the last month of pregnancy and out the door we went before I changed my mind. It was 6am.
It lasted 15 minutes. We crossed Amsterdam Ave and walked to the closed gate of the cemetery. It is a lovely tree-covered quiet park with century-old headstones and it would have been perfect to stroll in but it was too early in the morning. So we walked around my block stopping to have contractions which I endured leaning heavily onto Kurt and thereby blocking out everything around me. As we headed back down our street I threw up in a tree pit. Instant compost, I thought. I want to go home.
Back home we called Alice and Jenna at home to let them know we were up (CTXN every 8 minutes) and getting busy. I was relieved to know that they knew I were in labor. Both said to call again later. Kurt called my dates for the day to cancel. Liz from across the street and Jen who at the time was still pregnant were to go to the beach with me. As I moaned in the background Kurt had little to explain to them.
Around 10:30am Jenna arrived to find me in the bedroom standing at the bed leaning into it for a CTXN. Kurt had been rubbing my back. I wept when I saw her and she spoke to me so gently. I was just so happy with who I had chosen to be with me that day. It meant so much to me to have Jenna there. She has an inner beauty that spoke strength to me while I was in labor.
Jenna quickly assessed our situation and made some suggestions for creating a birthing environment. Like the tub. Why not set it up? Oh yeah. You mean it's not too early? Okay. Yes! That sounded lovely! And the birthing bar. It could really be helpful. Kurt got to work on both of those projects and Jenna stayed with me encouraging me through out the CTXNS. She massaged my back, pressed a cool washcloth on my eyes after each CTX and offered to support me in a position that would get things moving -the squat. Within the hour I was in the tub. HEAVEN! The sun was streaming in the windows and I couldn't have been happier. Except for the dust I had a clear view of underneath the radiator. "Could someone clean that up. Put some music on. Not reggae, some Hawaiian standards are better. I'm hungry. Mashed potatoes sound good."
Very quickly the CTXNS started to change. I sat with my legs to one side leaning against the wall of the tub my head resting. When I felt the rush coming I moved into a squat with Kurt holding my arms as I bore down. "Am I supposed to be releasing my Kegel muscles? This is hard." Over the next hour my CTXNS got a lot stronger and were now 7 minutes apart. The urge to speak disappeared for the day. I was now in active labor.
Around 12:30pm Alice called to check in. She said she would call again around 3pm. I got out of the tub to use the bathroom and change positions. I was devastated to discover no bloody show on the toilet paper. Oh shit I am prodromeling! This sucks, I thought. I was disappointed again and again as the hours went by of hard CTXNS that didn’t get closer together and no blood. Jenna tried to change my gloomy mood by cheerfully pointing out two drops on the wood floor of a very light colored discharge. Look, bloody show." I wasn't having it. It wasn't red enough for me. I was doomed to a 5 day labor I was sure of it.
I threw up again in a bowl. Well at least that felt encouraging. I moved to the hanging bar Kurt set up in the doorframe of our bedroom. It was an amazing tool. It help me bear down in a squat with my spine hanging free. I loved the power of that position. It made me feel like I was really doing the birth. Around three o'clock Alice called again. Kurt told me that she was going to come to the house in another hour and a half. "Well why isn't she coming right now?" I whined. I was getting tired and understood then that I had hours to go.
To be continued…