This one is Gershwen's fault.  In a discussion on similiar plot lines, she  used the absurd example of giant carrots running amok in Wal-mart while Jim and Blair were shopping.  I had to jump on the idea and actually write a snippet.

"You would think that a man who loves Home Depot, would love the concept of a Super Wal-Mart." Blair pushed the cart down the aisle of the huge super discount store's grocery area while Jim trailed unhappily behind him.

"The concept is one thing. The execution is entirely something else. This place is worse than the Cascade Galleria Mall." Jim indicated the mass of shoppers and the concentration of products.

"We can get everything on our shopping list in one place and the prices are hard to beat."

"I don't like it. It's --" Jim stopped his grumpy tirade abruptly before he could even begin.

"What's wrong?"

"Please tell me that the guy in the carrot suit is a Halloween sales gimmick and that he really doesn't have a gun," Jim indicated a costumed man in the produce section ahead of them with a .38 revolver held at his side. The gun was obviously not a purchase.

"Shit."

"I can't take you anywhere."

"I drove."

"So, you can't take me anywhere. Now how do we take this guy out without panicking a store full of shoppers?"

"Or getting either of us shot?" Blair whipped out his cell phone and dialed 911. Jim caught a staff member and identified himself as a police officer. After verifying that there wasn't supposed to be a costumed demonstration in produce, Jim sent the associate to the office to report the situation. Only then did then the pair move forward into the produce section.

"Oh, look, dear, they have someone entertaining the shoppers today," Blair swished right up to Carrot Man, parking the cart right against the guy's gun arm. "Love the suit. Is this a Halloween thing or is there a special on carrots?"

Carrot Man was so dazed by Blair's sudden appearance that Jim was able to seize the gun and snap cuffs on the guy.

"By the way, you are under arrest," Blair informed the vegetable impersonator.

When the police arrived, Carrot Man was ready to be quietly removed from the store. Jim and Blair turned him over to patrol officers and made arrangements to make their reports.

Jim turned to Blair.

"You were questioning my taste in grocery stores?"

October, 2001