Submitted By: M.E.Knapp
There once was a young man out West
who lived in a very high nest.
He thought he could fly,
he gave it a try.
Do I need to tell you the rest?
Submitted By: Batman
She stood at the bridge at midnight,
her lips were all a quiver,
she gave a cough
her head fell off,
and floated down the river.
Submitted By: Vicky
There once was a girl named cherry
who loved eating cherrys
she was beautiful
Kind of.
life is tough
Submitted By: Coolia
In the land of Ozz
Where the women wear no bras
And the men don't care
'Cause they wear no underwear
And there's a big fat geenie
With an artificial weenie
So now you know
Why you shouldn't go
Submitted By: Allie Nagel
There once was a girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
that worked for BRINKS.
When she was good,
she was very very good,
but when she was bad,
she was Jar Jar Binks!
(I don't like Star Wars!!!)
Submitted By: Allie Nagel
There once was a girl
who had a little curl
right in the middle of her forehead
that sat by a lake.
When she was good,
she was very very good,
but when she was bad she was Jake!
(My little brother)
Submitted By: J. H. Goldfuss
She offered her honor;
He honored her offer;
And all night long
He was on her and off her!
Submitted By: David Birton
The night was dark and the sky was blue
Down the alley, the shit wagon flew
It hit a bump, and a scream was heard
And a man was killed by a flying turd.
Submitted By: anonymous
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man,
I live in a frying pan.
Someone turn on the gas,
It blew off my ass!
I'm Popeye the Sailor Man.
Submitted By: The Captain
In the days of old
When knights were bold
And they weren't too particular,
They hung a sheep upon a pole
And s-----d it perpendicular!!
Submitted By: wally
Wee Willy Winkie
his pecker's really stinky.
He wouldn't be such a dope,
if he'd just use some soap,
and clean up that stinky winkie
Submitted By: Amy
Roses are Red
Violets are violet
I just had sex with an army piolet!
Submitted By: Hayley Treffene
The boy stood on the burning deck,
With a pocket full of crackers.
One went off, two went off,
And burnt his little knackers.
Submitted By: wally
Help me please,
I've got to sneeze.
When I let fly,
you'll get it in the eye.
So cover my nose and squeeze.
Submitted By: wally
In the days of old,
when men were bold,
the women were good,
as they certainly should,
'cause they did what they were told.
Submitted By: Sojourner
Here lay the grave of Micheal O'Day
Who died maintaining his right of way.
His right was clear, his will was strong
But he is just as dead,
As if he were wrong.
Submitted By: Courtney & Natasha
mary had a little lamb
her father shot it dead
know it goes to school with her
between two chunks of bread
Submitted By: The Almighty ME!!!!!!!
Spell Checker's Rime
The spell checker is my best fry end
Without it eye would be dead
I will trust it to the end
When my collage applications I send
The essays don't sink like led
Because the spell checker's my best fry end
my love for it I will extend
To it eye will be wed
Bee cause I trust it to the end
More money eye will never spend
If a come pony make's one that's a head
bee cause my spell checker's my best fry end
To it's every whim eye will at end
Like letting it drive my moped
Because I trust it to the end
As I bring my rime to an end
Now that my lay meant you've read
There is a massage I would like to send
It's that, my spell checker's my best fry end
Submitted By: kevin cooper
There was a young boy from Astley
whose schoolwork was a total catastraphe
whilst the teachers despaired and the headmaster glared
but the boy didn't care! he just sat in his chair!
Submitted By: Father Goose
Humpty Dumpty Sat On The Wall
Humpty Dumpty Had A Great Fall
All The Kings Horses And All The Kings Men
Could Not Put Humpty Dumpty Together Again
So They Mopped Him Up For The Funeral
Submitted By: Audrey
Talentless Hacks
We all know that they can't sing
But pre-teens love them more than anything
That's why they get all the bucks
But we all know that Hanson SUCKS!!!!!
Submitted By: kate
The Periwinkles
There once was a family who was really strange,
their laugh had a musical twinkle.
They all were quite weird,
they all had a beard,
and they were the periwinkles.
First came the dad,
the oldest of the bunch.
upon his back he had a hunch.
He had a deep, deep voice,
that was sure to scare.
Except for his beard,
He didn't have hair.
Mama came next and you probably knew,
Except for one thing she's just like ME and YOU!
The one thing is,
You will not believe,
that through her mouth, she didn't breath!
She actually breathed through the holes in her ears.
And with her mouth?
Well, that's how she hears.
Then the three children,
Anne, Tommy, and Bill.
And the small infant,
Cute baby Phil.
So, lets start with Anne,
Who was 12 years old.
She had long, long, hair.
Which she curled and rolled.
She had very small eyes,
and a very BIG nose.
She had long, long, legs.
And short stubby toes.
Tommy was nine,
And he loved to eat food.
Carrots and peas if he was in the mood.
He was messy in eating,
but in school work and stuff,
Before a good copy,
He always did rough.
And Bill I do think,
was weirdest of all,
'Cause though he was five,
Submitted By: Amryll
There once was a country bumpkin,
Who was caught screwing a pumpkin,
The policeman asked him,
If he knew what he was doing
He replied "is it past midnight already?"
Submitted By: james J conway
The rose it is red, the violet cerulean
Algebra sucks, especially the boolean
lifes' all illusion
the IRS is confusion
I really like peanutbutter, let's you and me fuck
Submitted By: Dave Barrett
There was a young lady of Bude
Who went for a swim in the.....lake
A man in a punt
Stuck a pole in her......ear
And said "You can't swim here it's private!"
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1999