Submitted By: Sandy C.
Beneath the spreading chestnut tree, the village smithy stands
A mighty man, the smith is he, with large and sinewy hands.
But when he goes to church on Sunday, and sits within the pew...
All of his neighbors stop and say (sniff)
That pew belong to you???
Submitted By: Sauraab Sethi
This is really a cool pick I read in a public Toilet....
Some come here to sit and think,
Some come here to shit and sink,
But I come here to scratch my balls
and read the bullshit written on walls..
Submitted By: carl middleton
little billy as bold as brass
shoved his watch up his fathers ass
he should be punished for his crime
but his father can't seem to find the time
Submitted By: Dylan Matter
There once was a man from Mantuccet,
His dick was so large he could suck it,
He saw a hot chick and had sex with her.
Submitted By: bean
There once was a guy named Scott.
He played with rubber alot.
until one day he was so rubbed down,
that when he walked at home,
"it" rolled around in town.
Submitted By: Ken Davie
The sexual life of the Camel, is stranger than anyone thinks,
At the height of the mating season, he tries to bugger the Sphinx,
But the Sphinx's posterior sphincter, is clogged by the banks of the Nile,
Which accounts for the hump on the Camel's back,
And the Sphinx's inscrutable smile !
Submitted By: Erin G. Bragh
A St. Patrick's Day song:
Does your mother come from Ireland?
Does she wear the combat boots?
She'll whack 'em with her sheleilegh,
All them big galoots.
Does your grandpa come form Ireland?
For the Brits he has no fear
'Cause when they come knocking on his door
He'll be drunk on beer.
Does your grandma come from Ireland?
Does she embrioder Irish linen?
All the gossips come to her house
With all the tales she'll be spinnin'!
Does your cousin come from Ireland?
Does he live down on the farm?
He'll be puking day and night
'Cause he eats the Lucky Charms.
Does your kid brother come from Ireland?
Is his nose picking awfully keen?
He may not be all Irish,
But his snot is always green!
and on a more serious note...
Does your hero come from Ireland?
Is he in the IRA?
Fight the good fight, all ye lads,
Freedom will save the day!
Submitted By: Chris Beach
There once was a rep from Depends,
Who didn't have too many friends.
When asked why this was,
He said it was cuz'
He KILLED them and then he ATE them.
Submitted By: Krystal Ziola
Sex is evil,
Sex is sin,
I'm the devil,
So lets begin!
Submitted By: Molly Hatchet
Dedicated to Paul Carmody
A misogynist weasel named Paul
Suggested that he knew it all
When the women said "NO"
His "little Paul" didn't grow
And now he has no "Paul" at all.
Submitted By: Nicholas
There are some kids that like to cheer
And there dads like to eat big fat deer
But there is only one thing that they fear
And they always take it down in with a tear
And that fear is to drink cheap beer
Submitted By: Lauren Slemons
Roses are red,
the grass is green;
I just had sex
in a limosine !
Submitted By: Tati
Roses are red,
Voilets are blue,
I just farted,
And it smells like POO!
Submitted By: J. Clifford
There once was a dog named Shadow,
Who's bark was worse that his bite.
He once chased a cat, but the cat wouldn't scat,
and gave Shadow a swipe just for spite.
Submitted By: Kim Helbling
STARS
Twinkling in
A midnight sky.
Running away for
Someone to wish upon them
Submitted By: Beat Farmer
Having sexin a car is the rage,
Its like screwing someone in a cage,
Just explain to the cop,
When he hollers, "Stop!"
Her fake ID says she is of age.
Submitted By: Rich
There once was a man from St. Bees,
Who was stung on the arm by a wasp,
When they asked, "Does it hurt?"
He replied, "No it doesn't"
But I thought all the time 'twas a hornet!
Submitted By: shaniqua King
you think he's yours
but take a good guess y
ou think your in love
but to him it's all about sex
Submitted By: Kyle
I did not kill their sqeaking quail
I did not infiltrate their mail
I did not kill their boy's pet mouse
I did not not burn their new house
but for some reason I'm in jail.
Submitted By: danielle smith
There once was a boy named Zite
who really forgot how to fight
got beat up one day
by a girl named May
And learned how to fight once more
Submitted By: Mary Day
There once were two cats from Kilkenny,
Each thought there was one cat too many,
So they fought and they fit,
And they scratched and they bit,
Till excepting their nails,
And the tips of their tails,
Instead of two cats there weren't ANY!
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a pretty young lass
That hailed from the Bay State of Mass
One fine sunny day
She stepped into the bay
In water right up to her knees.
It doesn't rhyme now but wait
'til the tide comes in!
Submitted By: Willy C anaday
Kiss Me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
A peach is a peach,a plum is a plum.
a kiss is'nt a kiss without tounge.
So open youre mouth,close youre eyes
And give youre tongue some exercise
Submitted By: David McDonald
Enquiries, questions and things of that ilk,
are oft' asked North of the Border,
"Is anything worn underneath the kilt?"
"No, its all in good working order!"
Submitted By: Ken V.
Willie found some dynamite
He didn't know about it, quite
Curiosity nevers pays
It rained Willie for seven days.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised February 1999