Submitted By: Christina Andring
WOMAN
Was made from the rib of man,
She was not created,
From his head to top him,
Nor from his feet to be stepped upon,
She was made from his side to be equal to him,
From beneath his arm to be protected by him,
And near his heart to be loved by him.
Submitted By: Tiffany
((song))
Was it you who did the pushing
left the stains upon the cushion
footprints on the dashboard upside-down
Was it you, you sly wood pecker
who got into my daughter Rebecker
if it was you, you better leave this town
-REPLY-
Yes, was I who did the pushing
left the stains upon the cushion
footprints on the dashboard upside-down
But, since I've got into your daughter
I've had trouble passing water
so, I guess we're even all around!!
Submitted By: Courtney
I just wanted to say to all the people that wrote this page are
very sick in the mind! I found it very inappropriate. you might think as me
as a psycho or something but a little girl(my sister) was doing something
for LA and found this page and she read it ask me what a gherkins is!!! She
got grounded for 1 week!!!
Submitted By: Your Web Form
A man without a home, is not a bum, he is simply homeless,
A man without a job, is not lazy, he is simply jobless,
A man without money, is not a loiterer, he is simply broke,
A man without a wife is not unfortunate, he is simply lucky,
A man without sex, is not impotent, he is simply horny,
Why do we complicate things?
Submitted By: A.T.
It's Sunday morning, and I missed church again,
I haven't been there, since I don't know when,
But it's not all bad, cause Gods in my heart,
Is church that important, to be a part,?
If two or more people, speak of God and do search,
Therefor my friend, I consider it church.
Submitted By: Henry Filsinger
The sexual lust of the camel,
Is greater than anyone thinks,And when his obsession obsesses him,
He makes it straight away for the Sphinx.
Now the Sphinx´s anterior orifice,
Is covered with sands from the Nile.
Which explains the hump on the camel,
And the Sphinx´s inscrutable smile.
Submitted By: Cutie10457
In life there are only two things to worry about.
Either you are well or you are sick.
If you are well then there is nothing for you to worry about.
If you are sick there are two things to worry about.
Either you will get better or you will die.
If you get better then there is nothing to worry about.
If you die there are only tow things to worry about.
Either you will go to heaven or you will go to hell.
If you go to heaven then there is nothing to worry about.
If you go to hell you will be so God damn busy shaking hands with your
friends you won't have time to worry!!!
Submitted By: nica montoya
EVIL FEELINGS
The way i feel today
i wonder can there be a way
my life has turned wrong
as i look up from hitting the bong
my family acts as if i'm dead
i wonder, could it all be in my head
i look to turn back but to late
my body feels as if it's my fate
my life has turned to $HIT
F*CK it i will take another hit
i feel like i'm dying
i'm stoping myself from crying
if i die i wonder would you cry
my parents could care less i might as well die
please pray for me when i'm gone
if you care i know i was wrong!!!
BY NICA MONTOYA
Submitted By: Jim
Roses are red.
Ham and cheese are on a ritz.
Sugar is sweet,
and yo' daddy eats cold grits!
Submitted By: Jeremy Blackwill
Roses are Red
Trumpets are Brass
Your head looks better
Up Your ASS!
Submitted By: someone special
stoner live and stoners die,
but in the end we all get high,
so if in life you don't succed,
f*** it all and smoke some weed.
Submitted By: Dan James
Mary had a little lamb
She fed it castor oil
Every time it jumped the fence
It fertilized the soil
Submitted By: Ron Ostromecki
There once was a man from St. Paul
Who was horribly stung by a bee
When asked 'Does it Hurt?'
He said 'Yes it does'
I'm sure glad it wasn't a hornet
For the Limerick Impaired
Submitted By: shat :)
Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
I'm a schizophrenic,
and so am I.
Submitted By: Emma G!
Sydney, the smallest of black ants,
Loved climbing inside people's pants!
One day he climbed right up inside...
And because of the smell, Sydney died!
Submitted By: Your Web Form
Uncle Jim and Auntie Mable
Fainted at the breakfast table
Which gave them sufficient warning
Never do it in the morning
Ovaltine has set them right
Now they diddle just at night
But they hope that one day soon
They give it a shot in the afternoon
Submitted By: GO BAMA
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke a little reef
Jack got high, unzipped his fly
And Jill said,"Where's the beef?"
Submitted By: w_callagan
Ode to a Chamber Maid
Twenty years a chamber maid,
and never spilled a drop.
Twenty years a chamber maid,
and never cracked a pot.
Twenty years a chamber maid,
and never once was kissed.
Now thats gratitude,
for carrying that much piss.
Submitted By: Hugh Webster
A little Bear sleeps in it's Little bare skin.
I sleeps very well I am told !
I tried sleeping in my little bare skin,
and caught one heck of a cold !
Submitted By: Rob Gaiser
This is one that was found on the back of a bathroom door in an elderly
care facility.
When you come here one by one
To do the work that has to be done
be neet and clean and one thing more
Put down the cover and close the door
Submitted By: Your Web Form
Order in the courtroom
the judge is gonna spit
If you can't swim
You better git
Submitted By: Chuck Nagem
I can't constrain thoughts in my brain
Cause now I feel that this is for real
You took my heart and tore it apart
Now silently weeping in my keeping
I say your name and feel the pain
A fool was I for believing your lie.
Submitted By: Melinda O'Connor
Mary had a canary, she also had a duck
She took 'em behind the kitchen door and taught 'em how to....
Fry a fish for dinner, fry a fish for tea
The more you eat the more you drink the more you wanna...
Peter had a boat, the boat began to rock
Up jumped jaws and bit him on the....
Cocktail, gingerale 30 cents a glass
If you don't like it, shove it up your..
Ask no questions, tell no lies
I saw a blind man doing up his...
Flies are bad, mosquitoes are worse
I saw a doctor laying on his...
Nurse my child for he is sick
I saw a doctor sucking on his....
Dick Tracy's dumb like all the rest
I hope you liked my rotten rhyme i tried my very best!
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised September 1998