Submitted By: John R. Teeter
A dozen, a gross, and a score
Plus 3 times the square root of four
Divided by seven
Plus five times eleven
Is nine squared plus zero, nothing more.
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
There was a young fellow named Clay
Who liked to sit on his doofus all day
Till one day he sat
On an ill-tempered cat
And it took his enjoyment away
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
I dedicate this one to my nephew, Clay. (B. Dover)
There Was A Young Fellow Named Clay
Who Sat On His Doofus All Day
Till One Day He Sat
On A Short Tempered Rat
And Now He Can't Sit Where He Shat
Submitted By: Abhijeet Joshi
The bottle of perfume that Willie sent,
Was highly displeasing to Milicent,
Her thanks were so cold,
That they quarelled, I'm told,
Over that silly scent Willie sent Milicent.
Submitted By: wally
I think Bugs Bunny is funny.
He makes lotza money.
Unlike most parrots,
he only eats carrots,
with out even a dip in some honey.
Submitted By: wally
Help, I've run out of beer.
Would you get me some dear?
She got up in a bolt,
said "you lazy old dolt,
do I look like the waitress here?
Submitted By: wally
Some limerics are grand.
Some limerics are bland.
The ones I've read here
are good to the ear.
so let's all give 'em a hand.
Submitted By: wally
Here I sit broken hearted
can't get this computer started
oh what am I gonna do?
should I hit it with a shoe?
I think now it's dearly departed.
Submitted By: Misha
Whole Summer I was playing a fool,
Now Summer is over, and that's not cool.
For big Summer break slice,
We wind-up paying a price,
And now we have to go back to school.
Submitted By: Dominic Martia
Today I am being audacious
By omitting all matter salacious
From this limerick I write.
If I'm lucky, I might
Avoid being call "puritanacious."
Submitted By: Dominic Martia
I scribble my verse in a fashion
That I imagine is Nashian.
If readers enough
Fall in love with my stuff,
Like Ogden, some day I may cash in.
Submitted By: M.E.Knapp
A man from the town of cancoon
lit some fireworks one day in June
but things went astray,
he got blown away;
could he be the man in the moon?
Submitted By: Jessica Leibbrandt
there once was a bird who caught a fish
he set it up in a round dish
he cut off his head
and ate before bed
oh shames for that poor little fish
Submitted By: Fran Focht
From an ancient Egyptian papyrus
A professor translated a virus
It was rather terrific
For an old Hieroglyphic
His computer was cursed by Osiris
Submitted By: GG Adamonis
Bob was a very good banker
But for finer things he did hanker.
He went to Peru
With a million or two---
He now sits and knits in the clanker
Submitted By: Daisy
There once was a girl named Heather
who was as light as a feather
one windy day
she blew away
and did she come back? No Never!
Submitted By: Daisy
Once was a girl named Hannah
who loved to feast on Bananas,
she ate 32
and she grew and she grew
and soon she towered over her Grandma!
Submitted By: it is i again
there once was a cat named fatty
boy did he love to play batty,
he slapped and smacked,
until the rope was wacked,
and after that he ate Patty
Submitted By: Joe Camel
The Marlboro man they say is dead
The desert dunes are now his bed
The truth be denied
He might not have died
Had he packed a Camel instead
Submitted By: Marlboro Man
There Once Lived A Camel Named Joe
Who Showed Us Smoking Is No Way To Go
He Lit His Famous Cigarette
While Sitting On The Toilet
Then Skyrocketed To Heaven With His A-Hole Aglow
Submitted By: Georgia
There once was a girl named Grace,
Who day after day wore lace,
She went to the mall,
And started to ball,
'Cause gone was the lace, poor Grace!
Submitted By: Catherine
There once was a girl with power,
That never once took a shower,
Everytime she passed you could tell,
Because she had a horrid smell,
She never will be a flower.
Submitted By: nathan chad
there once was a panda named Lu,
Who always ate crunchy bamboo.
He ate all day long.
Until he looked like king kong.
And the zoo didnt know what to do
Submitted By: Will's Bro
There Once Was A Fellow Named Will
Who Went To The Cellar For A Swill
He Tripped On The Stair
Grasping Nothing But Air
And Arrived At The Bottom Against His Will
Submitted By: Megan
There once was a boy named Ryan
Tracy could tell when he was lyin'
She told him not to chew
He didn't know what to do
He said, "I'll keep spittin' till I'm dyin'"
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1999