Submitted By: M.E.Knapp
There once was a girl from Japan
who lived in an old garbage can.
When asked why she did,
she raised up the lid
and said,"Good housing too high in this land!"
Submitted By: M.E.Knapp
There once was a young girl from Spain
who loved to play out in the rain.
One day with a jolt,
a mean lightning bolt
fried her clear from her toes to her brain.
Submitted By: Jonathan & Paula
There was a young man from Shoreham
Who made brown paper trousers and wore 'em
he looked nice and neat
till he bent in the street
to pick up 5p and he tore 'em
Submitted By: Rachel Emma Gibbons
There was a young lady from flazer,
Who had a magnificet lazer,
She shot her friend kate,
Cos' she was rather late,
For going to see Star Trek's new fazer.
Submitted By: Alexander Copland
There was a martian from mars,
He ate loads of chocolate bars,
He jumped up and down,
And made holes in the ground,
That silly martian from mars.
Submitted By: Jerry Mendelson
'BACK' AGAIN'
To see me's a real sad sight.
I have trouble in standing upright.
The cause of my trouble:
My back is bent double.
Doc'says my suspenders' too tight !
Submitted By: Jerry Mendelson
'AUTHOR'S DILEMMA'
What I've learned in this world,I've forgotten.
So,some education I've bought'en.
With my good intent
And money I've spent,
My readin' and writin's still rotten !
And-------
To be really smart,I am not.
'Lottsa' brains,I really don't got.
'Did 'lousy' in school,
That's why I'm a fool;
How to speak,I even forgot !
So -------
I looked up my family tree.
I was shocked as ever could be.
There's no variations
In my past relations;
All were stupid and dumb,just like me !
Submitted By: Flo
There once was a girl from PA
Who drank almost every day,
but it was only one sip
that she took for a trip
and she did it till old and quite grey.
Submitted By: Jim Van Valkenburgh
For your answering machine:
You called. You must have something to say!
Sadly, we're busy or simply away.
But if, after the tone
You leave us YOUR phone
We'll get back to you later today.
Submitted By: Fran Focht
There was a young chap from Calcutta
Who developed a terrible stutter,
When he asked for the bread
They would pas him instead
Beer, broccoli, beans and the butter.
Submitted By: Terri Tildon
There once was a man named Tom
Who's hair on one side was too long
He combed it across
To cover hair lost
But alas the hair was still gone
Submitted By: Tami
There once was a dog called Kitty
Who thought she was very,very pretty
She ran away far
Got hit by a car
And now she's a spot in the city
Submitted By: Dom Mart
There once was a mystic named Luke
Who dined on the seed of a cuke.
A ghost in his hovel
Said, "Isn't this novel:
A spook spooking Luke who's a kook."
Submitted By: Dom Mart
A penner of verse named Anon
Has scribbled his odd name upon
Texts of doggerel galore
That aren't worth much more
Than the paper they're written on.
Submitted By: Dom Mart
A corpulent cowboy named Sam
Opened a large can of Spam.
He put in his fork
And pulled out some pork
And said, "What a pig boy I am."
Submitted By: Keith Pearman
A hurricane by the name of Floyd
Left millions of people annoyed
as it blew up the coast
Doing its very utmost
To leave everything it touched, destroyed
Submitted By: Bob Dalager
I once met a young man named "Jimb,"
From Bryce Canyon, he lived near the rimb,
In conflict or doubt,
he was cautious to fault,
And would never go out on a limb.
But there's more to the story of Jimb
Life's cup, he kept full to the brimb
At the 'U' after school
he swam at the pool
To help to stay fit and stay trimb.
Sadly, reality's grimb
And a setback befell hero Jimb
While bent he did rent
his trunks at the vent
An act neither proper nor primb.
The exposure was too much for Jimb
Red-faced he raced from the gymb
To his room where he swooned
and stayed way past noon
Until evening, when lighting was dimb.
Submitted By: Catie
drip,drop,drip,drop,goes the cold wet rain.
and in the house,its boring and plain,
it would be really cool,
if there were something to do,
but everything in here is pretty lame!
Submitted By: Gemma Stansfield
There once was a dog called Rover
Who liked to roll in clover
He got stung by a bee
Ran into a tree
And now he hurts all over
Submitted By: Arnold Flessner
There once was a man from Lamore
Whose mouth was as wide as a door.
In an attempt to grin,
he slipped and fell in,
and lay inside out on the floor!
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a daydreamer named Allie,
She loved to dilly dally.
She went to school,
And the teacher was cruel,
But Allie still dillies and dallies.
Submitted By: Craig Butterworth
There was a young man from Texas
Who drove a shiny new Lexus
The girls loved him, too
But he didn't know what to do
'Cause his parents never taught him what sex is.
Submitted By: Caitlin
i sometimes wish i was in school
becouse there isn't very much to do
until one day,
the first of may
we bought a brand new pool!
Submitted By: Dom Mar
A loquacious lion named Pete
Would sit antelope down at his feet
And talk on and on
About things he had done
And forget that we wanted to eat.
With tedious tales Pete would treat 'em,
Yet they hoped he would never complete 'em.
They returned "ohs" and "ahs"
To his fables because,
They'd rather he bored 'em than eat 'em.
Submitted By: Larry
There once was a girl named Camille
Who wouldn't even give me a feel
When at last she wanted me
I had just turned 83
And had lost all of my sex appeal
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised September 1999