Submitted By: Ian Mccamant
There once was a dragon so fair
he could not even pull off a scare.
Although he tried
his ugliness died
and now he cannot scare a hare!
Submitted By: Allie G.
There wants was a sk8er named Justin.
Who had this bad habbit 'twas cussin.
He fell while he was sk8ing,
and all were debating,
wether or not he was smokin'.
Submitted By: Joan P.
A psychic was talking to Gail
She told a preposterous tale
She would come into money
10 million, it's funny
the next day it came in the mail
Submitted By: Cody Chauvin, age 10
There once was a small fat fish
Who lived in an old gray dish
Had a funny gray bowl
So smart he could roll
So all he did was swish swish
Submitted By: Scottie McLaughlin, age 9 Grade 4
The Golden Retriever
There once was a golden retriever
Who was a very good leader
She liked to swim
And also liked gym
And her master was a dog breeder
Submitted By: Daniel Chappell, age 9 Grade 4
There once was a boy named Matt
Who had a green dinosaur hat
He soon thanked his dad
When he got him a pad
And also a baseball bat
Submitted By: Chris Woods, Age 9, Grade Four
There once was a boy named Rob
Who could not stop the mob
He looked for a house
Of mysterious mouse
Then found himself a job
Submitted By: Ruqiya Omar, Age 9, Grade Four
There once was a cat named Guss
Who had a big piece of a bus
She thought she had found
A piece of the ground
So she had a really big fuss
Submitted By: Ian Blake, Age 9, Grade Four
I have a hamster named Brownie
who at times is really quite clownie
She went to her feed
And picked some seeds
And turned them in to her crownie
Submitted By: Nicholas Hearst Age 9, Grade Four
There once was a dog, named Teddy
He is also real smart and steady
He barked at the birds
And got hit by their turds
And now he is really steady
Submitted By: Jeese Berg, Age 9, Grade Four
There once was a boy named Lin
And he was so, so thin
He ate my sun
Tried to shoot a gun
Then ate a guy named Fin
Submitted By: Sarah Davidson, Age 9, Grade Four
I have a friend named Lucy
She is very very goosey
She sat on a Katie
said she was a Lady
But now she's a little Moosey
Submitted By: Matt Arscott, Age 9, Grade Four
Last Friday I went to the zoo
because I had nothing to do
the zebra was there
so was the bear
a lion and four monkeys too
Submitted By: H. Gentle
There once was a farmgirl named Mable,
Who at milking was not very able
To get over her fright
She practised at night
With sausages under the table.
Submitted By: Dave Dykstra
I once had a turkey named Fred
Who demanded his meals served in bed
He had his own way
Until Thanksgiving Day
When old Fred became dinner instead
Submitted By: Gail
There once was a big music lover
By each stereo he always did hover
To get rid of a song
Stuck in his mind all day long
He had to replace it with another
Submitted By: Shane Serafin
There once was a pilot named Wright,
Who was interested in rocketry flight.
He took off one day,
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night!
Submitted By: Gail
My boyfriend let me tell you about
He brews beer all the time, such as stout,
IPA, bock and porter
If I had a quarter
I'd be rich, for each batch he turned out
Submitted By: Eric M
Here lies the body of Dan O'Shea,
Who died protecting is right of way.
His right was clear.
His will was strong.
But he's just as dead as if he'd been wrong.
Submitted By: Ralph Lewis
Ther was a young girl from Berlin
Whose nose was extremely thin
She could slice up the butter
Without even a mutter
And flip it down onto her chin
Submitted By: Anne Jansen
A whale in the deep blue sea,
Said "No one will ever catch me!".
He thought it a fret,
And got caught in a net,
And found he couldn't swim free.
Submitted By: Tim Fluegge
A tooter who tooted the flute
Tried to tutor two tooters to toot.
Said the two to the tutor,
"Is it harder to toot or
To tutor two tooters to toot?"
Submitted By: John Diamantopoulos
My wife loves to talk on the phone,
I wish she'd just leave it alone,
Cause it interrupts me,
When I use Web tv,
But how could I ever have known?
Submitted By: Bob Davies
One day a real man of good cheer
Asked DesCartes if he'd like a beer.
What the man got
Was "I think not";
And he watched DesCartes disappear.
Submitted By: Steven Winikoff
I can't remember the source for this one, but I recall reading
that the author actually persuaded a newspaper to run it as a
classified ad. :-)
An Anglican curate in want
of a second-hand portable font
would exchange for the same
a portrait (in frame)
of the Bishop-elect of Vermont.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised November 1998