Submitted By: Stefan Luhn
There was an ugly fat blue cat,
Which is lying on a bad smelling mat,
It drinks a litre of gin,
And gets a wrinkled red skin,
and hears the laughs of a toothless rat.
written by Emanuel, Kathleen, Mandy, Sandy
Submitted By: K. Bertz
There once was a man named Paul
Who went to a costume ball
He thought he would risk it
and go as a biscuit
but, a dog ate him up in the hall.
Submitted By: Al Willis
This Salk, whose first name was Jonas,
Promised wealth and a title and bonus
To these monkeys called Rhesus,
Who agreed, "You can lease us,
But don't come on strong like you own us."
Submitted By: Popsicle
At lying,Bill Clinton's quite deft
Of honor,he's completely bereft
If he undergoes surgery
To excise his perjury
There just won't be anything left.
Submitted By: IXL
There was a young girl called Lindi,
Who went outside when it was windy,
It started to rain
which diluted her brain,
And now she's been sent back to kindy.
Submitted By: IXL
There was a young girl called Kate,
Who went looking for a mate,
She met a monkey,
Who thought she was spunky,
And now they're married - just great.
Submitted By: IXL
There was a young boy called Tom,
Who swallowed a Nuclear Bomb,
The Doc said cough,
The bomb went off,
And that was the end of poor Tom.
Submitted By: IXL
There was a young boy called Dave,
Who went out looking for a rave,
He tried to kiss Sheena,
But Sheena got meaner,
And now poor Dave's in his grave.
Submitted By: Al Willis
Galactose, Fructose, and Sweet
Were producers who couldn't be beat.
Their profits, now naught,
Competition (a lot)
From Maple, Cane Sugar, and Beet.
Submitted By: Dick
There once was a man from Nantucket,
who kept all of his gold in a bucket.
He married a girl named Nan,
She ran away with a man:
and as for the gold. Nan took it.
Submitted By: Angelo
There once was a fellow named Gore
who was honest and good to the core,
but he said to his boss:
"Stop arguing the toss:
I don't want you to stay any more!"
Submitted By: seminole
There once was a man from Houma
Who had not earned a diploma
His personal habits
Weren't fit for the rabbits
So he wore a ghastly aroma.
Submitted By: shopko
There once was a guy named Tim
You could always find him at the gym
He called me at night
and gave me a fright
Just to let me know he's getting slim.
Submitted By: Jorja
There was a young lady from Singer
Who had an eye on her finger
She shouted "Wow!" and "whoopee-doo!"
She wanted to shout "moo moo moo"'
Submitted By: Funny
There was a small Dog named Bud
Who loved to play in the mud
"Man this is great,
It is really top rate!"
Said I, "I really hate this Crud."
Submitted By: Danielle
There once was a man of Calcutta,
Who coated his tonsils with butta,
Thus converting his snore
From a thunderous roar
To a soft, oleaginous mutta.
Ogden Nash
Submitted By: Sandy
There once was a girl named muffy
She acted a lot like a tuffy
She had two big feet
Oh, she thought they were neat
Till she slipped and fell on her duffy
Submitted By: James P
There was a congressman named Sonny
his last great act wasn't funny
with his legs bent at his knees
he slammed into a tree
from his death Cher is still making money
Submitted By: Dawn Hoffman
There was a man who played chess
The doctors all called it obsess
Each day he played hours
And never took showers
Now he's a bit of a mess
Submitted By: Sara_6
there once was a fish named fred,
his brain was made of lead,
he drank too much beer,
that old high school year,
and now fred in dead cause you don't mix beer and lead
Submitted By: igor
there once was a bear named gee
he got himself caught in a tree
as much as he wiggled
as much as he jiggled
he just could not get himself free
Submitted By: KLF
There once was a girl named Peggy Lane
who's parents wanted to keep her sane,
they said what the hell,
then she rang the bell,
and they wondered who else was to blame.
Submitted By: Larissa L.
There once was a puppy named Motty,
Who sat by the lake and went potty,
A big fish jumped out,
And scared her no doubt,
She ran up the hill hotty-totty
Submitted By: Rosie duPont
There once was a very fat cat
who sat and he sat and he sat
he sat in a chair
Primping his hair
But his master kept patting it flat
Submitted By: Sandy C.
There was a young lady called Maris
Whom no one could ever embarrass
'Til the bath salts, one day
In the tub where she lay
Turned out to be plaster of Paris...
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1998