Submitted By: Bruce MacCarter
I once had a split personality
and fought with myself for equality.
Of these battles I tired,
so a shrink I then hired.
We still fight, but it's quite analytically.
Submitted By: Nick Scholz
There once was a frog named Cog
who liked to sit on a log
one day he slipped off
because of his cough
and now he's in the bog
Submitted By: Sam Hollar
I took a trip on the Titanic
And suddenly became very manic
With icebergs up ahead
"This liner's", someone said
"Designed by engineers not pedantic."
Submitted By: Daniel F.
There once was a man from Algiers
Who tried growing corn in his ears
When the temperature rose
He leapt to his toes
Now popping is all that he hears.
Submitted By: Candie
There once was an old lady from Ghorum
She bought her a pair of pants and she wore em
She stooped and she laughed
and she felt a cool draft
And she knew damn well that she had tore em.
Submitted By: birdie
there once was a man from Coos Bay
he had a stupid green toupee
he stuck on a plumb
and thought it was dumb
so he stuck his toupee in the hay
Submitted By: Noggin
Because often, she gives work to us,
If we would get to work, it would be a plus.
What a world, perfect place
To not fit that great face
To say hey, what project with a fuss.
Submitted By: Mark Gomez
I have something important to do
I'm going to toast some bread for you
The miracle of the toaster
It's just a flour-clump roaster
Oddly enough it found a window and flew
Submitted By: Mark Gomez
This is the way I tie my shoes
Lacing-up tight to rid the blues
Um... why was I sad?
I thought I was glad?!
No thanks, my body hates booze
Submitted By: Mark Gomez
There once was a cabbage farmer named Brown
His rival grew jealous with a frown
The rival snuck-around at night
Hoping to fill Brown's Cabbages with fright
Alas found a toilet to flush them down
Submitted By: Fran DeWit
There once was a man named Finnigin
Who broke out of jail just to sinnigin
He broke laws by the dozen
Even stole from his cousin
Now the jail be broke out of, he's innigin
Submitted By: Christina
There once was a dog named Dred
His masters name was Fred
He fell off his bike
When he hit a spike
Now Dred's master is dead.
Submitted By: Ron Poole
There was a young lady from Beaulieu
Who always worried undeaulieu
She asked "Is it better
To finish a letter
With 'Faithfully Yours' or 'Yours treaulieu'?"
Submitted By: Alex Fauveau
I went to Tibet with my mama
We rode though the mountains on llamas
But I couldn't wait to get back
To my home where it is flat
On the sunny beach in the Bahamas
Submitted By: Jonathan
There was a man from Afghanistan
Who was scheming to carry out a plan
But he got shot
In the wrong spot
Now he's not really a man.
Submitted By: Jeremy Diamond
There once was a man named Crocket,
Who stuck his foot in a Socket,
When along came a Witch
Who turned on the Switch
And Crocket went up like a Rocket.
Submitted By: C
This limerick is nice
I hope its not annoying like mice
Its not too polite
Or very right
But maybe it'll give you luck with dice
Submitted By: Merriam
In a castle that had a deep moat
Lived a chicken a duck and a goat
They wanted to go out
And wounder about
But all they needed was a boat
and
There once was a baker named Fred
Whose success never went to his head
Instead of just looking
He ate all his cooking
So it went to his waistline instead
Submitted By: Keith
There was an old man of Calcutta,
Who coated his tonsils with butta,
Thus converting his snore
From a thunderous roar
To a soft, oleaginous mutta.
There was an old miser named Clarence
Who simonized both of his parents.
"The initial expense,"
He remarked, "is immense,
But I'll save it on wearance and tearance."
What a wonderful bird is the pelican
His beak can hold more than his belly can
He can hold in his beak
Food enough for a week
But I'll be damned if I know how the hell he can.
Submitted By: Tanya Winson
The bottle of perfume that Willie sent
Was highly displeasing to Millicent
Her thanks were so cold
They quarrelled, I'm told
Through that silly scent Willie sent Millicent
Submitted By: Desperado
There once was a man from Raven
He shot a man from haven
With a shot of his gun
He is on the run
His butt he is tryin to save'n
Submitted By: Lori Mattingly
Common Sense
I once sat on a very sharp tack!
The pain went all the way up my back!
I sat in some doo!
(Which really is poo!)
And I'm sure its common sense that I lack!
Submitted By: Friedenschule Hamm de
It was in on the beach in summer
there was lying a black young drummer
he is playing a song
which was too long
so he goes back home to his mama
Submitted By: Friedenschule Hamm de
It was on the streets of Florenz
where Jenny and Lenny had nice moments
the time was to short
so they never get bored
it was such a good great romance
Submitted By: Kristen Denomme
There was an old man from Zaire
Who found he was losing his hair.
Spread mud on his head,
And then went to bed.
When he got up it still wasn't there.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised April 1998