Submitted By: Lezi He
There once was a little creature,
Who had an unusual feature.
He flew here from Mars,
To raid all the bars,
Then he got spanked by his teacher.
Submitted By: Lezi He
There once was a guy named Dirk,
Who had a friend named Kirk.
They went up a hill,
Found a dollar bill,
And got coffee at Central Perk.
Submitted By: Lezi He
I know a Prince named Will,
Who's mother has been killed.
Oh, he loved her so,
And with tears he showed,
How truly her love was real.
Submitted By: Lezi He
There once was a guy named Kyle,
Who always loved to smile.
He went to the fair,
Tripped over a bear,
Now there's a lawsuit file.
Submitted By: The Invisible Man
A kid on a skateboard named Beanie
Raced with a red Lambourgini
He ran out of luck
and into a truck
The pieces they found were quite teeny!
Submitted By: Wally
To manage to keep up a brain,
It's no easy job, it is plain;
That's why a great many
Don't ever use any,
Thus avoiding the care and the strain.
Submitted By: Chuck
There once was a woman from St. Jude,
who rode her horse in the nude.
She galloped too long,
and unless I am wrong.
You expected this rhyme to be crude.
There once was a poet named Chuck,
who couldn't even rhyme the word duck.
Despite all his crying,
and hours of trying,
He threw up his arms and yelled chucks!
Submitted By: M. Bilal Aslam
Taken from Readers' Digest (some 1960s edition):
A senora who strolled on the Corso,
Displayed quite a lot of her torso,
A crowd soon collected,
And no one objected,
Though some were in favor of more so.
Submitted By: Stephen Debonrepos
Limericks alone make me wary
discussing often gets hairy
so utterly cheesy
I get so uneasy
I'm thinking of giving up dairy
Submitted By: joanne
there once was a man from mars
who had a knack for selling used cars
he said take this one
and you'll have lots of fun
except for the trunk full of tar
Submitted By: Kim Fullam
Honesty is something I find
that never gave me piece of mind
The harder I try
It seems the more that I lie
And they are catching up from behind
I went shopping for a new pair of clogs
that were made from the skin of 5 frogs
when I tried to slip them on
It appeared they were gone
and I found them on someone who jogs
Submitted By: Alfonzo
There once was a dancer named Graltzky
Who told his date, "I'm feeling waltzy."
She said, "Let us tango
Or do the fandango.
The waltz seems to me a bit shmaltzy."
Submitted By: Alfonzo
It's hard to suppress Iron Mike's
Obsession to bite what he likes
So if he's seen nuthin' grander
Than the ears of Evander
Then Mike bites if he likes? Yikes!
Submitted By: Alfonzo
On a farm lived a talking llama
Who had to be killed by the farma.
He kept down his dread
('til they lopped off his head)
By singing John Lennon's "Instant Kharma".
Submitted By: Walter Reed
There once was a chick from 408
She met a guy who asked her for a date.
They wined and they dined,
having a wonderful time,
hoping their new friendship would never abate
Submitted By: Alfonzo
I shivered and started to pine
When handed a glass of turpentine
And said, "Sorry, daddy-o,
This goes on the patio,
And does not taste at all like red wine."
Submitted By: Sonia Birch-Jones
To a far away planet named Mars
The navy sent six jolly tars
And an Admiral
too as part of the crew
To serve up the grog at the bars.
Submitted By: Henry Mucha
On an African safari a man named Tunney
Asked his wife, "How do we avoid cannibals, honey ?"
Said she, "When we're near their towns",
"We'll all dress as clowns",
"Then they won't eat us because we might taste funny".
Submitted By: Library Internet PC
There was a wee lad from a cold clime
who said "No worries, mate, my driving's sublime!"
But a dent he did make
when he failed to brake
and now insists speaking in rhyme.
Submitted By: FRAN
There once was a family named Stein
There was Gert, there was Ep, there was Ein.
Gert's poems are bunk
Ep's statues are junk
And no one can understand Ein.
Submitted By: jill greene
there was a bold boy called barry
who was always as happy as larry
one day as a joke
he decided to poke
a hedgehog and boy! was he sorry!
Submitted By: Bill Dean
Great page! Here's two originals.
There was a young Sheila from Down Under
Who would ne'er commit social blunder
One day at repast
A bloke nearby gas passed
So she simply remarked "Was that thunder?"
You'll never guess, said prim and proper Aunt Harriet
What we saw a rodeo cowboy do with his lariat
Tricks to make the crowd hush
And myself I did blush
But you know, if I could, I would marry it!
Submitted By: Mary Beem
I think the limericks are fun
and when I have read the last one
I'll wipe away tears
from my eyes and my beard
and go back to where I'd begun.
Submitted By: Dick Phillips
There once was a fisherman named Fisher,
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure.
When a cod with a grin
pulled the fisherman in,
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.
Submitted By: Hildy
There once was a girl from the sticks
Who liked to write limericks.
But she failed at the sport,
'Cause she wrote them too short.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1997