Submitted By: Howard Morgan
A wonderful bird is the Pelican.
His beak can hold more than his belly can.
He can hold in his beak
Enough food for a week!
But I'll be darned if I know how the hellican?
Submitted By: Agustin Eastwood De Mello
There once was a funny old whale
who had a magnificent tail
A seaport moved out
when the whale came about
and attempted to swim in a pail.
Submitted By: Agustin Eastwood De Mello
A dinosaur stomped into a mall
where people are tiny and small
Now why did you think
I was really extinct
the dinosaur roared with a drawl.
Submitted By: carol odom
There once was a fellow named Jim
Who took his girl out for a spin
The speedometer rose
The gas pedal froze
They found parts of her but not him
Submitted By: Lydia Languish
There was a fat cat on a mat
Who liked to chase mice named pat.
He chased them around
And fell on the ground
And smashed them until they were flat!
Submitted By: Gregory Kwok
There once was a young man of Trinity
Who found y^e root infinity.
But y^e digits
Gave him infinite fidgits,
So he dropped math and took up divinity.
Submitted By: Mare the Bear
There was a young man from Melbourne
Who was hit over the head with a wombat
When asked did it hurt
He said ," No not a bit
You can do it again if you like."
Submitted By: SW Cohen
Some people say that a limerick
Is some kind of anonymous gimmerick
A Lear or a Nash
May own up to this trash
But never a Wordsworth, a Herrick or Himmerick
Submitted By: Dan Metzger
There was a young man from the city,
Who saw what he thought was a kitty.
To make sure of that
He gave it a pat.
They buried his clothes; what a pity.
Submitted By: Dan Metzger
A disgusting old man from La Jolla
Has a habit that's sure to anolla.
Before telling a joke
He'll give you a poke,
And remark, "This'll really destrolla."
Submitted By: Pete Martin
There was a young man from the Clyde
Who fell down a sewer and died
Along came his brother,
Who fell down another
And now they're interred side by side!
Submitted By: Mark Miller
There once was a fellow named Clyde
who went to a funeral and cried.
When asked who was dead,
he stammered and said
I don't know, I just came for the ride.
Submitted By: Don Gillespie
A Few Corny Limericks
Thith Way to Thpeeth Clath:
A thpeeth teacther named Mitheth Bathye
Had thome thtudentth who acted quite lathye;
They lithped and they thputtered,
And thome of them th-th-thtuttered:
She thought they might jutht drive her crathye.
A canner exceedingly canny
One morning remarked to his granny
A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner canıt can a can, can he?
There was a young lady named Slater
Who married an old alligator.
The night that they wed
They climbed into bed,
But rather than mate her, he ate her.
--sheilalark@infoave.net
I met a man once named Job,
Who made an earring from a glob.
Now, isn't that queer?
A glob on his ear?
He now has a twenty-foot lob.
A sweet-toothed man from DeBreeth
Was sweet-toothed without any teeth.
He said, in my eye,
"Looketh good, that there pie.
Now, could I jutht have one thmall peeth?"
--agille@lsumc.edu
A hotrod racer named Jake
Undertook to overtake a Studebake;
But a truck on a curve,
Alas, did not swerve,
Now Jakeıs overtook by the undertake.
A corpulent maiden named Kroll
Had a notion exceedingly droll
At a masquerade ball
Dressed in nothing at all
She backed in as a Parker House roll.
The once was a woman named Pat
Who just ate butter and sat;
She withered away
Until one day
Nothing was left butter fat.
There once was a man named Clegm
Who had a great deal of phlegm.
Ahegm, ahegm,
Ahegm, ahegm,
Ahegm, ahegm, ahegm.
There once was a man from Peru
Who kept all his cash in his shoe;
Itıs not like a bank,
And itıs really quite rank,
Especially from wearing it, too.
--donaldowl@infoave.net
Submitted By: Professor Plumb
There once was a lady from Spain
Who was sick as she rode on a train.
Not once, but again--
and again and again--
and again and again and again.
Submitted By: Bob
A man with two chins
Built bicycles for twins
He had on hand
A suitable brand.
Called them Siamese Schwinns.
Submitted By: Bob
A centipede from Syracuse
Played 2nd base for the Backyard Blues.
He was two hours late
Reporting to the plate
After tying all of his shoes.
Submitted By: Bob
There was a golfer from Verdun
Who was not to be outdone.
To avoid glitches
He carried spare britches
In case he got a hole in one.
Submitted By: W. Cooke
A witty truck driver named Tex
Was arrested, and likely suspects,
'twas the sign on his door
that caused the uproar
It read simply "Oedipus Wrecks"
Submitted By: David Moore
This is a collection of three related limericks I wrote to ask a girl out.
There is this girl we all know.
Who's more beautiful than fresh fallen snow.
She's loving and kind,
much better than fine.
She's one in a trillion or so.
Now there's this lad named Dave.
Who was quite a witty young knave.
He met this girl,
his head did a twirl.
Now it is her love he doth crave.
What I'm trying to say not very clearly.
Elizabeth, I love you dearly.
Will you be mine,
for all of time?
I mean all this quite sincerely.
Submitted By: Andy
NOITPECREP FO MELBORP A
thginK fo namow gnuoy a saw erehT
,thgir eht ot tfel eht morf etirw dluow ohW
rorrim a ni dekool ehs liT'
.rorre reh derevocsid dnA
!thgir eht morf tfel eht ot setirw ehs woN
--sdrawkcaB-ssA eht ydnA
Submitted By: dave barrett
By beauty I am not a star.
There are others more handsome by far.
My face I don't mind it.
because I'm behind it.
It's the people in front that I jar.
Submitted By: dave barrett
The reverend Henry ward Beecher
Thought the hen was an elegant creature
the hen pleased with that
laid an egg in is hat
and thus did the hen reward beecher.
Submitted By: Adam Rondeau
Winter Activities
There was a young boy in my way
Who was always happy and gay
He jumped and he ran
Like a crazy old man
To avoid the fast moving sleigh
Submitted By: Alicia Tapia
There once was a boy named John
Who owned a fifty-dollar bond
He felt so lucky
He bought a BIG rubber ducky
And now his money is all gone
Submitted By: Jaime L W
The once was a man with a fro
who went by the name of Moe.
One dark night
He forgot his light,
And what'd ya know, he stubs his toe!
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised May 1997