Submitted By: Les
There was a young chap from the States,
With Snake skin and bones,he made skates.
He made all the wheels,
from fat Jellied Eels.
And sold them in tons,out of crates.
Submitted By: Les
A German from near Timbucto,
found a tomato had stuck to his shoe.
Gave it a whack,
with a big iron jack,
turned his toes all purple and blue.
Submitted By: H2
There once was a tiger named Woods
At golfing he was very good
While approaching hole nine
A ball pegged his behind
"A hole in one--this is NOT good!"
Submitted By: Les
A biker,one day,on a ride.
With a car,attached,alongside.
Hit a dog in the road,
a cat,and a toad,
He said he could drive,but he lied.
Submitted By: Les
A Monkey ran spare in the cage,
he was angry and so full of rage.
They'd taken away,
his mate for the day,
and left him alone with the sage.
Submitted By: Les
A sailor one night on the Ark,
played eye-spy while alone in the dark.
He opened his eye,
to do the eye-spy,
but was plopped on,from above,by a lark.
Submitted By: Les
A Moose,on the loose,in Quebec.
Saw a street lamp and said "By heck,
you're so very thin,
and bright,not dim
come here,let me give you a peck".
Submitted By: Les
A deadbeat from north of the border,
was a clepto and Barbie doll hoarder.
His fab prize so far,
was Barbie's pink car.
As for Barbie, he couldn't afford her.
Submitted By: brooke
I knew a girl from Surf City,
We all thought she was so pretty,
She ran down to the beach,
And she stopped with a screech
She stepped on a crab. What a pity!
Submitted By: corrine
A canner exceedingly canny,
One morning remarked to his granny.
A canner can can
Anything that he can
But a canner can't can a can, can he?
Submitted By: Little Devil
There was a young girl named Jenny
Who suddenly got stung by a bee
She got in a fright
And held her nose tight
And covered it so no-one could see
Submitted By: mandy Chiwe
I once knew a crazy cat,
Who was deathly afraid of my pet rat.
The chances of it being bitten
Is about one to a million,
But it's still hiding under its hat.
Submitted By: Chas W.
There is this chicken named Lucky.
Who lived in Kentucky.
He lived in a coupe,
with his basketball hoop.
And his friends thought he was a ducky.
Submitted By: David Brown
A DANGEROUS PIE
There once lived a young man named Bill
Who sat on a window sill.
And when someone walked by
With some blackberry pie
He yelled, "What's with that pedestrian swill?"
So one day a woman in lace
Came up to that windowsill place,
And when Bill started whining
Her eyes started shining
And she smacked the pie right in his face!
After that little glitch in his plan
That Bill became a new man.
So whenever a pie
Passed the sight of his eye,
He dropped all his things and he ran!
Submitted By: simon billington
there once was a girl from Totenham
who had no manors or else she'd forgotten them
While tea at the vicars
She tore off her knickers
And exclaimed that she was hot in 'em
Submitted By: Les
A soldier, on manouvers, one spring,
was heard by the Sergeant to sing.
"We'll have none of that".
Said the big hairy pratt,
"Else you'll be out on a prayer and a wing".
Submitted By: Leon Wilson
Today I reached age seventy-five;
Surprise, Surprise I'm still alive.
When I was twenty
I deemed this aplenty;
But now, for a few more I will strive.
Submitted By: Leon Wilson
I awoke and my heart is still beating;
My wife says get up and be eating.
But I lie here alone
And instead of a stone
I'm romancing the pad that is heating.
Submitted By: la rocks
There was a school called Lycée
Where kids graduate to 'CLA
The Bruins were french
Would swear on the bench
Though the bruins were from LA
Submitted By: Scotch Mist
Some poets once had no chagrin,
All internet bards with thick skin,
By day and by night,
Rude stanzas they’d write:
Folks called them the wired Loony Bin.
Submitted By: Darcy
There once was a kangaroo
She lived in a little zoo
She poked her pouch
and then said ouch
And I think that you would too.
Submitted By: Breanne
There was an old shark named Gramps,
Whose Jaws had once been like clamps;
But these days he hums
'Cause his jaws are just gums,
And can only be used to lick stamps.
Submitted By: Caress Lee
There once was a girl named Liz
Who was a computer wiz
Till one day she thought
It was cool to smoke pot
Now the cemetery is where she is
Submitted By: don
There once was a boy named Kyle
collected dirty socks in a pile.
He said with a wink,
these really do stink!
I think I'll go outside for a while.
Submitted By: Richard Plaistowe
In Paris, Diana Princess of Wales
While indulging a letch for Arabian males,
Took a quick drive,
And while more dead than alive,
Did wonders for Elton John's sales.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised March2001