Nice Limericks

Page 29

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Submitted By: Joe
Said a young violinist from Rio
Whilst seducing a maiden named Cleo
As he took off her panties
Forget the andantes
Let's do this andante con brio

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Submitted By: west countree jack
a west country laydee called lu
was well known for hardcore kung fu
in fights she was canny
she beat jackie channy
by swapping his eye drops for glue

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Submitted By: wito101
if only i could write
right now mine are a fright
but this one is worse
cuz im in a hurse
and my coffin is dark as night

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Submitted By: Katmundi
There once was a tree in a wood
That only recently had not stood.
A beaver had come
To eat some good chum,
And that was the log in the wood.

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Submitted By: ellie
There once was a little girl called Mary,
Who was really, really scary,
she went to school,
and broke a rule,
so got sent home real early!

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Submitted By: Stacy Casagranda
There once was a guy that ate bugs.
He picked them out of his rugs.
One day he ate ticks,
which made him quite sick.
From then on his bugs were in jugs.

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Submitted By: bryan tylkowski
there once was a fisher named Fisher,
Who went fishing for fish in a fissure,
A fish with a grin,
Pulled the fisherman in,
Now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher.

i didnt write it but its still cool

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Submitted By: Atle Lone
The truckdriver, Mr. McCall
Fell asleep at the wheel in the fall
He woke up in a lake
And he started to shake
'Cause the water was cold, after all

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Submitted By: dan s
there once was a man with no luck
he fell in a hole and got stuck
when he tried to get out
he found he was too stout
and said to himself im f#cked

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Submitted By: Brittany J
There once was an old man named Larry,
Whose face was exceedingly hairy.
When sitting and shaving,
His wife would start raving
That waking to stubble was scary.

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Submitted By: Sing Zhang
There once was a guy named Carl
Who had a dog named Snarl
The dog bit him on the butt
He said stop it Dumb mutt
And that was the end of l'il snarl

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Submitted By: PJ McBride
There once was a man who stole a lime.
He didn't think it was such a big crime.
But now he's in jail,
Without any bail.
Wishing he'd only paid them that dime.

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Submitted By: Rob
There was a young man from Bude
Who went on the stage in the nude
One night out front
A man shouted 'Cunt'
Out loud, just like that, bloody rude!

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Submitted By: Douglas V. Doe
An angry old hebrew, named Saul
Who later renamed himself Paul,
Fell down on the road to Damascus
And if you should ask us
He didn't know Jesus at all!


There was an old pirate named Gates
Who did a fandango on skates,
Until he slipped on his cutlass
Which rendered him nutless
And almost useless on dates.

(Gates- not new, not original, not really "nice")

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Submitted By: Jacques & Mark
There once was a young man named Codd,
Who proved the existence of God,
He died as he fell,
and went straight to hell,
which was really exceedingly odd.

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Submitted By: vincy yang
There once was a perfect girl
Who had firmly curly curls
Which walked to school for days
But got sent to Green Bay
And when she saw a boy, she hurled

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Submitted By: Samantha Hampton And Sarah Linskey
There was a young horse of the stables
Who loved to eat off the tables,
On the grass he ran around
Until he heard a strange sound,
So then he bucked back to the stables.

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Submitted By: Anonymous Coward
there was a bat in the sky
it looked straight into my eyes
he scared me half to death
then i stopped and caught my breath
then turned and said good-bye

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Submitted By: Debbie M
There once was a man named Mark
Who thought he had lost his spark.
He found it, you see
On a park bench with me-
It was late, in the park, in the dark!

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Submitted By: Haki

This story is not really news
But I have to decide which to choose
Cuz when walking outside
My foot wasn't dry
So it must be time to buy shoes

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Submitted By: Jamoof
An insomniac, first name of Fred
Just couldn't get used to his bed
He tried variations
Which caused irritations
The last of which left him quite dead

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Submitted By: Spazonite
One day while displaying his ass
A question of Pete I did ask.
"Are all of them gray?"
I did venture to say.
"And do they eat oats, or just grass?"

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Submitted By: Melanie
There was an old man with a beard,
who said,"It's just as I feared-
Two owls and a hen,
Four larks and a wren,
Have all built there nest in my beard!"

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Submitted By: Anya H
A mature man whose name was Moe
During adolescent years did not grow.
So I sadly report
Moe is very short
Only three feet from head to toe.

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Submitted By: Anya H
A felon called Frankie Magellen,
Tried to rob a Seven-Eleven.
But turning to run,
He triped on his gun,
And entered himself into Heaven.

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Mail Box Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised February 2001