Submitted By: shawna
I read some limericks at a website
they were humorous, nasty and some trite
I laughed quite a bit
the page was a hit
I bookmarked it for a future night
Submitted By: Sarah S
There once was a woman named Hest
Who crammed for a very large test
But try as she may
She could not sieze the day
And it turned out an F was her best
Submitted By: Kurt Trecker
To the Veterans of wars this I write,
My sincerest thanks for your fight.
With your lives on the line,
Your courage did shine,
Now we all sleep safely at night.
Submitted By: Kurt Trecker
If you think of the thing that you thought,
You'll find that you may or may not,
As you search through your mind
I'm sure that you'll find
That the thing that you thought was just naught.
Submitted By: Eric West
A randy old fellow named Gray
Didn't shave for a year and a day
But he said that the Girls
Quite enjoyed his new curls
When his tongue didn't get in the way
Submitted By: Eric West
The ladies on Mars aren't entrancing
if more than a quick glimpse you're chancing
For they've breasts on their back
and their skin's mottled black
But they're bloody good fun to take dancing
Submitted By: Easley Blackwood
Thus spake the Duchess of Orange:
"There's a nasty old squeak in my door hinge!"
"By Jove," cried the Duke,
"I shall surely rebuke
For this lapse, the custodian of Orange!"
"Egad!" wailed the Duchess of Orange,
"Not yet have they oiled my door hinge!
My urgent distress
Must upon you impress
The decline of the Manor of Orange!"
Said the Duke, "I'm the master of Orange!
I find nothing wrong with your door hinge!
A resonant squeak
Is quite nice, so to speak,
And in tune with the spirit of Orange!"
O Pity the Duchess of Orange,
As she lives with the squeak in her door hinge,
Alone in her room
Midst the deepening gloom
That's the soul of the Castle of Orange.
Submitted By: Emily
There once was a kid named Snail
Who put on his chair a nail.
His mother sat down
And it pierced through her gown
And you should have heard her wail.
Submitted By: Alie
Jack had a tombstone named RIP
Whom he met after a tragic trip
They waited at noon
For a full moon
And practiced boxing to punch spirits in the lip
Submitted By: someone
There once was a man named Lou
He lived next door to a zoo.
A lion got out
And he with a pout
Ate friendly Lou in a stew.
Submitted By: Emily
There once was a fellow from Lind
Who went for a walk in the wind.
He was blown away
On that blustery day
Because he was much too thinned.
Submitted By: Baby
There once was a dog named Fred.
He liked to sit on the bed.
His fur was all frizzy.
He always got dizzy.
Cause' Fred liked to sit on his head.
Submitted By: jacinth
a hangman on barberry hill
whose name was Otto not Bill
got a hickup when strangled
which stopped as he dangled
but left us all with a chill
Submitted By: Stone Cold
There once was a man from Lords,
who ate several swords.
He went off to bed
at dawn he was dead
don't worry, I won't write any more!
Submitted By: dom mart
A couple from upstate N Y
Looked each other in the eye
And cooed,"I wuv woo,
Cootchie coo,cootchie coo,"
Then cried cause their diapers weren't dry
Submitted By: dom mart
A cowboy from Peterson Pass
Decided to call on a lass.
He had miles to go
And one beast was too slow
So he rode on a horse on his ass.
Submitted By: RK
The millennium is really here
Without the disturbing Y2K fear
When it strikes midnight
I turn off the light
And go shouting happy new year !
Submitted By: Oddffellow
An elderly Scot named McBeth,
claimed to have overcome death.
He was heard to chortle,
"I'm totally immortal".
And that was the last thing he seth.
Submitted By: Oddffellow
A lady all dressed up in Sable,
daily did dance on a table.
She did such a fling,
that showed everything,
including the Dressmaker's label.
Submitted By: Tige
Oh woe is me tax time is here,
Deductions are not great I fear,
Receipts are few,
Could be like you,
When this things done I'll need a beer.
An audit is what most we dread,
Scare stories planted to be read,
For that alone,
Reach for my 'phone,
Hire CPA and go to bed.
So when those politicians bray,
"A flat tax is just great," they say,
Hold on your purse,
It just gets worse,
Your money still will go astray.
The CPA's, tax lawyers too,
All love what politicians do,
No average Gent,
Knows what he spent,
Plus tax forms are each year all new.
And really I have done my part,
For have I yet to them outsmart
I'll pay my tax,
Because I'm lax,
But then next year I may not start.
Submitted By: Lynsey Steel
There once was a lady from Leeds
Who swallowed a packet of seeds
In under an hour
Her nose was a flower
And her hair was a bundle of weeds
Submitted By: RuthE
Oh Damn said the bugs in the air
We're deep in the depths of despair
We've done the whole lot
And now haven't got
Anyone whose not sick anywhere
Submitted By: RuthE
There once was a young feminist
Who loudly proclaimed she was pisst
She declared- it's unfair
gender-based facial hair
Equal whiskers for all or desist !
Submitted By: Bill Garrett
There was a faith healer from Deale,
Who said, although pain isn't real,
If I sit on a pin and it punctures my skin,
I dislike what I fancy I feel!
Submitted By: Conrad Macina
This is a sequel to the one that begins, "There was a young woman named Bright". I didn't make it up, but I don't know who did. I encountered it a long, long time ago, when I was studying physics in high school.
Said the Bright one to friends during chatter,
"I learned something neat about matter:
See, my speed was so vast
That increased was my mass
Yet I failed to become any fatter!"
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised February 2001