Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
Lordy, Please Don't Ye Smite 'em
'Cause I Smiles When I Sight 'em
I Laugh At The Gimerick
When I Reads A Limerick
I Only Cuss Because I Knows I Cain't Write 'em
Submitted By: Society
I have a psychotic sister named GA Merle
Who is convinced she's Queen of the world
We have all been apprised
that she will be coronized
With any luck she'll get ate by a squirrel
Submitted By: Sanchez
there was a boy at our school
who thought he was teribly cool
he wore fancy jeans
Strode around with teens
But ended up playing the fool
Submitted By: amy
you love me i love you,
wish i had my 22
I'd gun you down
you stupid purple clown
but im civilized so instead ill sue
Submitted By: Jessica
There once was an young man named John
Who detested mowing the lawn
He was always wishing
That he was out fishing
In a boat off the coast of Taiwan
Submitted By: Allison
There once was a girl named Jane
Who only used half her brain
Her spelling was bad
and math made her mad
Which drove her teacher insane
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was once a girl name Nicole
Her favorite thing to do was bowl
She threw the ball
It went right through the wall
And it left a very big hole
Submitted By: maryjo
There once was a dog with a bone,
who wouldn't get up and go home.
He guarded his stock
like a man with a flock,
and starved 'cause he never went home.
Jack wondered as he looked around,
the best way to get out of town.
To take the next train
never entered his brain.
(Jack wasn't the smartest around.)
A turkey named George was so vain
of his tail as he stood in the grain.
The farmer then noticed
that proud bird as he posed,
so George was the dinner's course main!
A girl had a ballgown so sheer.
That boys who had way too much beer,
would gather around
and look down her gown,
then fight for the right to be near.
I once knew a man who could spit.
He tried to fill up a deep pit.
He filled the pit up
(and it wasn't a cup!)
that dried up his mouth to a drip.
The snow was so deep in the forest,
the moose couldn't lay down and rest.
It found a clean highway,
it used as a by-way,
and the hunters, they had a great feast!
(sorry- I'm from Alaska. A lot of moose!)
Submitted By: Mary Jo Snyder
There once was a lady from France,
who had to dance and dance.
She danced all the day
and the whole night away,
because she had ants in her pants!
Submitted By: Meli Kramer
There once was a turkey named Mark
Who instead of gobbling would bark
A boy tried to pet him
The cook would not let him
For Mark's rump in the stove she did park.
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
My Final Revised Version (B.Dover)
Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall
When It comes to love
Push turns to shove
That's why Humpty ain't in the picture at all
Submitted By: Laura Wells
I met an opossum one day
He was eating some hay
I wanted to keep him
I had no place to sleep him
So I left 'cause he was stray
Submitted By: BenDover
This one has the ring of truth....just ask my sister Kat.(Bendover)
I can't help but smile when I think of Kat
She assaulted two crooks with a baseball bat
It was hard to Scoot
and forget their Loot
But it beat the heck out of going KERSPLATT!!
Submitted By: Gaylan Wallis
There once was a President Clinton,
Whose scandals the public took sittin',
His legacy and vex,
Will be oral sex,
Tho' his politics left our liberty smitten.
Submitted By: juliet
there once was a boy who loved peas
he ate them with milk and with cheese
he ate them all day
not a word he did say
and he quietly asked for more please
Submitted By: juliet
there once was a very large cat
and everyone said he was fat
he ate very small meals
of nuts and orange peels
but just couldn't resist the rats
Submitted By: juliet
There once was a man from nantucket
He decided to live in a bucket
he sat in rain or in shine
and he aged like fine wine
and he walked away with a terrible waddle
Submitted By: Kevin Service
Not mine, but I don't know the author:
One day I went to the zoo
For I wanted to see the old gnu
But the old gnu was dead
And the new gnu, they said,
Was too new a new gnu to view.
Submitted By: Boboladingdong
Once there were two very stupid white cats,
They were very ugly and OH, so fat!
And then a car came
Things just weren't the same
Now they're very stupid, ugly, and flat.
Submitted By: Violeta Salazar
There once was a girl named Lola,
She always liked to drink Coca-Cola,
She got a cup,
Drank it up,
Then she left in her Corolla.
Submitted By: Donell Henderson
There once was a man from Afghanistan
Who didn't know how to use a pan.
He went out the door,
We saw him no more,
I guess he ran away again.
Submitted By: A. Smith
There is a woman named K.
who wimpered and whined to get her way.
Her friends thought little,
of the way she would quibble,
But ignored everything she would say!
Submitted By: philip
38 men on a ship
were searching the hold for some dip
when they found that the 'tato
was really buff-A-lo
. . . chip
Submitted By: Geo. Lewis ?
Hippety-Hop!........Hippety-Hop!
The Bunnies Dance! Bebop! Bebop!
But Puppies Munch
On Them For Lunch
Flippety-Flop!....Flippety-Flop!
Submitted By: dom mart
A man from Minot decided
He would box up his wealth and hide it.
He taped it all round,
Put it deep in the ground
With $53 inside it.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised November 1999