Submitted By: Noam Kuzar
There once was an old man of Esser,
Whose knowledge grew lesser and lesser,
It at last grew so small
He knew nothing at all,
And now he's a college professor.
Submitted By: Noam Kuzar
There once was a lady, Ilene,
Who liver on distilled kerosene,
But she started absorbin'
A new hydrocarbon
and since then she'd never benzene
Submitted By: Noam Kuzar
There once was a lady from Hyde,
Who ate a green apple and died,
While her lover lamented,
The apple fermented,
and made cider inside her inside.
Submitted By: Bob
There was a young lady one fall
Who wore a newspaper dress to a ball.
The dress caught fire
And burned her entire
Front page, sporting section and all.
Submitted By: Gabrielle H
There was an old man of Philly,
Who was hooked on the movie Free Willy.
He quit his job at the jail,
for a dolphin and whale,
And so was the life of Wee Willy.
Submitted By: LORNA
A mouse in her room woke Miss Doud
Who was frightened and screamed very loud
Then a happy thought hit her
To scare off the critter
She sat up in bed and just meowed
Submitted By: LORNA
There once was a old man from Norway -
who cussed as he sat in a doorway-
the door smacked him flat-
and he yelled "what was that"?
that disgruntled old man from Norway!
Submitted By: Roger Morris
There was a fat turkey named Sam,
Who gobbled whenever he ran.
He came out of the bush,
Presenting his tush,
And was shot up the arse by a man.
Submitted By: Pat Bents
There once was a kid named Darren
Who's room was surprisingly barren
He had no toys
Like all normal boys
But he did believe in sharing
Submitted By: Roger Morris
There was a young lady from Niger,
Who smiled as she rode on a tiger.
After the ride
She was inside,
And the smile was on the face of the tiger.
Submitted By: Pat Bents
There once was a guy named Matt
Who had an overly large cat
When it chased a mouse
It shook the whole house
So Matt got rid of the cat.
Submitted By: Pat Bents
There once was a consumer named Phil
Who really wanted to kill
A sly young vendor
Who mad him a big spender
And gave him a very large bill.
Submitted By: Deirdre Kinney
There once was a poet named Dan,
Who's poetry never would scan.
When told this was so,
He said, "Yes, I know"
"It's because I try to put every possible syllable into the very last line that I can" !!
Submitted By: Papa Johnny
There was an announcer named Herschel
Whose habits became controversial,
Because when out wooing
Whatever he was doing
At ten he'd insert his commercial.
Submitted By: R. Guptill
There was an old lady from Clyde
Who ate forty apples and died
The apples fermented
inside the lamented
and made cider inside her insides
Submitted By: R. Guptill
There once was a lady named Perkins
Who simply doted on Gherkins
They were so nice
She ate too much spice
and pickled her internal workin's
Submitted By: Grady Tibboel
I've been studying all night and I'm tired,
But I can't sleep because I'm so wired.
So I'll play on the net
'Stead of going to bed,
And my tests will seem a quagmire.
Submitted By: Alicia M. Tapia
There once was a girl whose name was Jen.
Whose room was as messy as a pig pen
It got so cluttered
She shook and muttered
Oh, but everything blends, AMEN.
Thanks for helping me do my 5th grade homework!!!!
Submitted By: Papa Johnny
There was a young maid from Madras
Who had a magnificent ass;
Not rounded and pink,
As you probably think---
It was grey, had long ears, and ate grass.
Submitted By: Andrew Wright
To Hilary Clinton said Bill,
I think we're staying on Capitol Hill,
'Cause that tired old timer, Dole,
Is digging himself a deep hole,
And the White Water thing's a cheap thrill.
Submitted By: Kasia Kowalewski
There once was a boy from Montreal
Who loved to play basketball
For a team he tried out
But if he made it, I doubt
For you see, he was three feet tall!
Submitted By: G. Mark Woodhouse
There once was a lady named Lynn
Who was so uncommonly thin,
that when she assayed
to drink lemonade,
she slipped through the straw and fell in!
Submitted By: Ozzie Palos
There was a young man from Cape Cod
Who's occupation was odd
He caught fish all day
Without any pay
Submitted By: Cliff Brodie
I really liked you're delightful page
which brought memories back to this sage
For I once was in Crewe
with nothing to do
except watch trains as to Scotland they flew
in anno domini of MCMLII!!
Submitted By: Jaimes Alsop
There was a young man named Wyatt
whose voice was exceedingly quiet
And then one day
it faded away
by Spike Milligan, English comedian.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1997