Submitted By: Clovis
(This one was scribbled on a bathroom stall when I was a college student back in 1987.
It caught me by surprise but I had to appreciate the skill with which it was contrived. Hope
it doesn't offend.)
"My Nieces are darling," said Sid.
"To oblige them I do as I'm bid."
As he tucked them in bed,
he asked: "What's to be read?"
"Uncle Rhemus," they cried, and he did.
Submitted By: Sandy
There once was a fart deep within,
who thought that to stay was a sin,
So he tunneled about,
till he found his way out,
as I silently sat with a grin.
Submitted By: afroman
there was a young guy from Peru,
who dreamt he was eating his poo.
when he woke up
he had to upchuck
and then he was eating that too!
Submitted By: afroman
There was a young man from Zaire
Who tried to have sex with a bear
when the mean, nasty brute
took a swipe at his root
and left nothing but testes and hair!
Submitted By: afroman
There once was a man name of Ewing
Who thought,"why be bothered with screwing?
When its cheaper and cleaner
To finger your weiner
And besides, you can see what you're doing!"
Submitted By: BenDover
There Once Was A Vicar Name Ben
Whose Body Was Exceedingly Thin
As He Whipped Out His Wicker
His Young Bride did Snicker
Until He Thrust In Up To His Chin
Submitted By: Dan Bond
Very sex mad was Mr. Blubber
He loved to suck , fuck and bugger
But the joy of his life
Were the tits of his wife
One real and one Indian rubber
Submitted By: Eric West
On Halloween a young girl from the Coast
Was screwed in the Park by a Ghost
At the height of Orgasm
This pale ectoplasm
Cried "I think I can feel it, almost"
Submitted By: Brian Corriveau
Here's one for the theatrical types...
There was a Stage Manager named Sherry
Who could handle all she could carry
She did "Twelve Angry Men"
Again and again
And left them all feeling quite merry.
Submitted By: BimBommel
There was an old farmer named Young
Who was quite remarkably hung.
When cleaning the stable,
his member was able
To serve as a fork for the dung.
Submitted By: Justin Zaun
The man in the bar was real shrewd
some may say a bit lewd
he reached out his mitts
looking for tits
but discovered the chest of a dude.
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
(A Bendover Original)
There Once Was A Gal From Vancouver
Who'd Suck On A Schlong Like A Hoover
Her Squeal Of Delight
Should Fill You With Fright
For God Alone Could Remoover
Submitted By: The Turtlehead
An original:
There once was a fireman named Gary,
Whose hose was nice and big, OH VERY!
His wife, she would pray
That his hose he would spray,
'Cuz that would make her merry.
Submitted By: LIM_ORIGIN
Dykes or pliers said Kim,
can bend or cut wire of tin.
But when asked of which gender,
she'd prefer to "bend" her.
"Has two cuts and does not rhyme with tin"
Submitted By: jamie fulk
Their once was a man named Joe
Who was an idiot,you know
He could not find
any change but a dime
So he then bought a cheap ho
Submitted By: Glenn Selby
There was a young man from Brazil
Who swallowed an Atom Bomb pill.
His bum back fired
His belly retired
And his willy shot over the hill
Submitted By: Eric West
There was a young Scot named McAmiter
Who boasted excessive diameter
But it wasn't the size
That opened their eyes
Twas his rythmn, iambic pentameter
Submitted By: Eric West
There was a young lady named Hilda
Who went on a date with a Builder
She knew that he could
And he should and he would
And he did, and it bloody nigh killed her!
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
(I Can't say if It's naughty or nice but here goes:)
There Once Was A Fellow Named Ken
Who Kept All Of His Pigs In A Pen
But A Lady From York
Ran Away With His Pork
And She Did It Again And Again
Submitted By: Brent Smith
There once was a boy named nookie
Who sat on his girl friends cookie
She screamed real loud
And it made a big crowd
Then she said he won't get no more nookie
Submitted By: chavez
There once was a woman from Rhodesia
She would do anything to please ya
she said "it would be fine
if you fucked me from behind
I just hope my tapeworm doesn't sees ya."
Submitted By: Abert Hinton
There once was a man from Duluth
whose dick got shot off in his youth
He fucked with his nose
his fingers and toes
and came through a hole in his tooth
Submitted By: Whimmers
There once was a chick on the net
who decided to take a double dare bet
When she lifted her blouse
and clicked on her mouse
and found it was all soaking wet
Submitted By: maryjo
The man from Brazil was so weird.
His friends said, 'It's perfectly clear.
He has a big dong
that he cleans all day long
by rubbing it on his long beard!'
The old drunk's dick was so wizened.
he said,'Oh my, I've been poisoned!
I had a long dong,
but now it's all gone.'
The cops said, 'Away it was pissened.'
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a young man named Fred,
who said "I must have some head."
The whores in Las Vegas
all said "But he ate us!"
So poor Fred then NEVER got head.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised November 1999