Submitted By: William Schroeder
A bearded old biker named Charlie
Took a very long ride on his Harley.
He knew that his hog
Created no smog,
'Cause he ran it on hops and malt barley.
Submitted By: Fallen Star
There once was a girl from Maine
Who when fucked would experience pain
She said to her man
Listen up Dan
Get out of my rectal drain
Submitted By: God
There once was a girl called Crissy
Who had a very unusual pussy.
You could be eager to please
But it would just make you sneeze
Cuz it wasn't really a pussy, it was a cat.
Submitted By: Fran Focht
There was an old Abbot most docile
Who found a remarkable fossil
He could tell from the bend
And the wart on the end
T'was the peter of Paul the Apostle.
Submitted By: Benjamin Dover
(Most folks just call me Ben)
There once was a whore named Jade
The most sought after trick in the trade
When she died she was laid
Then relaid in the shade
And no man will since part with his spade
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a girl on the net
When surfing she always got wet
She had miles and miles
of xxx files
Cyber sex was all she could get
Her brother would tease her
that machine couldn't please her
"She's crazy."
"It's all in her head."
That scrotum she showed
Her dildo's a modem
Down loading
Orgasms.com instead
by joveac
Submitted By: Noel Huntington Ensign
there once was a silly old Widower
Who wanted to dance to the Fiddler
Though he had love in his heart
he fell for an old fart
who was the whole towns free Diddler
Submitted By: Dean Moreau
There once was a lady called Pam
Who took a trip on a tram
the fucking conductor
took out his constructor
and now shes wheeling a pram
Submitted By: george peters
there was a young professionel women from clyde,
whose surgeon cut open her hide,
he misplaced his stitches,
closed the wrong niches,
so now she does all her work on the side
Submitted By: Vicki
There once was a lad from Nantucket
Who didn't need that damn bucket
He went to his wife
So sweet and so nice
Oh, please honey will you sucket
Submitted By: Vicki
There once was a lad named Maurice(Morris)
Who went for a tryst with Doris
When asked how he fared
He answered with a stare
Damn! I was greatly victorious
Submitted By: Igor
There once lived a gravedigger named Jay
Who courted in an unusual way
The girls he would spoon
While staring up at the moon
Then he'd cover them back up with clay
There once was a gravedigger named Bert
Who was seduced by the wiles of a flirt
The two would lie prone
Until just before Dawn
Then she had to go back in the dirt
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was a young woman from winslow creek
who had her monthlies twice a week.
said a friend from woking
how provoking
no time for poking so to speak!
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was a boy who did not suck.
But he had the worst of luck.
He tripped in school,
and broke a rule,
It hurt so he said "fuck!"
Submitted By: Molten Solace
There was a young lady named Brent
With a cunt of enormous extent
And so deep and so wide
The acoustics inside
Were so good you could hear when you spent.
Submitted By: Mad Jack
While going down on my wife in our bed
The chandelier fell down on my head
If she didn't prefer this
That darn cunnelingis
It would have landed on my arse instead
Submitted By: Jack Cerf
A well hung young sailor named Bean
Could keep at it like a machine.
As he pummeled their ends,
His Society friends
All shouted out "God save the Queen!"
Submitted By: Jack Cerf
A lubricious young woman named Gwen
Had never learned how to say "when!"
So she did it again
And again and again
And again and again and again.
Submitted By: Ajoy Bhattacharya
There was a lady from Kent
To a football game she went
she stood near the goal
and opened her hole
and in the football went!
Submitted By: cugbyr
There was once a boy named Hutch,
Men he liked to touch.
He did it with a rabbit,
It then became a habbit
And now he does it too much
Submitted By: Insane from Maine
For all those "TREKies" out there, here are three you might like.
A girl of the Enterprise crew
refused every offer to screw
Till a Vulcan named Spock
crawled under her smock
And now she is eating for two
The Enterprise girls so one hears
have chased Spock for several years
His look of disdane
has spared them great pain
For his prick is as sharp as his ears
The prick of the engineer Scott
fell off from Saturian Rot
So he went to the basement
and made a replacement
of tungsten and plastic and snot
Submitted By: Insane from Maine
A habit quite gross and unsavory
held the Bishop of Illi in slavery
With libidinous howls
he buggered young owls
that he kept in an underground avery
Submitted By: Mowgli
A Disturbing Tale Comes From Niger
Of A Lady, Her Donkey, And A Tiger
What Occurred In The Bush
Might Have Remained Hush Hush
But For The Ass Print On The Face Of The Tiger
Submitted By: RonDover
There Was A Young Lady From Butte
Obsessed With A Man Of Repute
She Spent Many An Hour
Peeking In At His Shower
While Tuning The Strings Of Her Lute
Submitted By: BenDover
There once was a man named O'Toole
Who kept his long tool on a spool
One cold night it unraveled
Into a convent it traveled
And was promptly chopped up as a Yule
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1999