Submitted By: Sybil
There once was a man named Fred,
He was in search of getting head.
He went to Dallas,
And found a Pussy Palace,
And settled for that instead!!
Submitted By: Scott Smothers
There once was a fellow named York
Who had a propensity for pork
He'd wine 'em and dine 'em
And then get behind 'em
Romancing a pig is work
From his hometown, poor York goes
With his favorite pig, for now she shows
He wined 'er and dined 'er
And then got behind 'er
What the babies will look like, who knows?
Poor York settled in Glasgow
With his betrothed, the pregnant sow
One fine Sunday morn
The babies were born
York has six kidlets now
Submitted By: Jon Bluth
There once was a young man named Sweeney
Who's girl was a terrible meany.
Her snatch had a hatch
with a catch that would latch,
And she could only be screwed by Houdini!
Submitted By: Sal Lucido
There was a young priest, name of kelley
Tattoed the Lord's prayer on his belly,
By the time that a brahman
Read down to the amen
He'd blown both salvation and Kelley
Submitted By: donna
A young poet named Brown
Lifted up his gown.
To look for his peter
To beat it to meter.
And fainted when none could be found!
Submitted By: donna
A young man named McGerk
Fell asleep one night after work.
Had a wet dream,
But awoke with a scream
Just in time to give it a jerk.
Submitted By: The Captain
There once was a lady from Reno
Who lost all her bucks playing Keno,
So she laid on her back
And opened her crack,
Now she owns all the casinos!!!
Submitted By: Steven Rose
There was A girl named Hortense.
Her breasts were simply immense.
One day playing soccer
out popped her left knocker
and she kicked it over the fence.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young man named Mcbride
who could fart whenever he tried.
in a contest he blew
two thousand and two,
and then shit and was disqualified
There was a young man named McFee
who was stung in the balls by a bee.
He made oodles of money
by Oozing pure honey
Every time he attempted to pee.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young sapphie named Anna
who stuffed her freinds cunt with banana,
Which she sucked bit by bit
from her partner's warm slit,
in the most approved lesbain manner.
Said a young whore known as mable,
Who at fucking is willing and able,
"it's a pitty to waste
All that Juicy white paste,"
So she served it in bowls at the table.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
There was a young man of St. Paul
Whose prick was exceedingly small.
He could bugger a bug
at the edge of a rug,
And the bug hardly felt it at all.
Submitted By: wally
The hell with this shit.
I must be a twit.
Limerics are written,
with blood, sweat an spittin.
I can't rhyme so I quit.
Submitted By: Jon Tees
there was a young Girl names Dale
who put up her ass for sale.
For the sum of two bits
you could tickle her tits,
But a buck would get you real tail.
Submitted By: Jeff Berryman
Cried the lovely young miss Molly McFee,
I'm as chaste as a woman can be!
but to judge from the guys
who swarmed her like flies,
that's spelled c-h-a-s-e-d.
Submitted By: Jeff Berryman
There once was a man from Hong Kong,
whose penis was seven feet long.
It was bronzed when he died,
for the church of St. Clyde,
where it's now a bell clapper, Ding Dong!
Submitted By: RobD
There once was a young man, Horatio,
Whose girlfriend wouldn't give him fellatio,
She said, "He shouldn't pout,
'Cause he won't lick me out,
And I think one for one's a fair ratio!"
Submitted By: mark stephens
On page 2 there is a limerick that starts there once was 2 girls from
bermingham. I've added 3 verses more that I think will be appreciated.
And when the lord heard of this news
he made up a set of new rules.
he wrote in this letter
that no one is better
than my son who is the king of the jews.
Now remember the 2 girls from bermingham
and the story that was concerning them
well they slipped on some chalk,
choked to death on a cock,
and now the devil is burrning them.
So I guess the story is through
and the moral must be true.
Don't lift up a froc
and diddle a cock
when the bishop is confirming you.
Submitted By: John Benner
I knew a lady named Claire
who had no hair down there
so she shaved her head
made a toupee and said,"
I think I'll put it down there!!!"
Submitted By: John Benner
Sticky was my balls,
sticky was the walls
cause during sex
I didn't wear latex
and oops, now her father calls!!!
Submitted By: wally
Bad Billy President,
you know the whitehouse resident,
he took out his tool,
now even the kids in school,
know who and what set the precident.
Submitted By: drew
There once was a girl from Arden
Who gave head to a man in a garden
When he asked her, "Dear flow,
where does that stuff go?"
She replied "*gulp* beg your pardon?"
Submitted By: Arthur H. Smith
Two queers who lived in Calais
ran into each other one day
they stood nose to nose
then exchanged blows
and happily went on their way
Submitted By: milt
On the train, a soldier named Jack
said good-bye, and leaned out to smack
the lips of his chick
but the gtrain took-off quick
and he kissed a cow's ass down the track
Submitted By: milt
Aboot wave named McGiness
brought her young career to a finis
she didnot understand
the sudden command
to break-out the Admiral's pinnace
Submitted By: William Schroeder
He rode through old West Virginia,
Which is very far from Gydnia.
He picked up a girl,
Whom he took for a whirl
And when done said,"I'd like to get in ya."
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised September 1999