Naughty Limericks

Page 23

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Submitted By: Graham Stewert
There once was a man from Florida
That liked a man's wife so he borrowed her
When they got into bed
he said may God strike me dead
This isn't a vagina its a corridor.

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Submitted By: New2This
There once was a farm boy named jake
who yearned so much for a date
when he ran out of luck
he made due with a duck
The village priest pronounced them husband and mate

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Submitted By: Who Knows?
There was once a boy from Milande
who thought caressing his penis was grand
but he looked in displeasure
at the white, sticky measure
of goo it left in his hand.

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Submitted By: New2This
There once was a man with no shame
On his wife he would place all the blame
So behind peoples eyes
He would pull out his prize
Once was caught d$%^ in hand to explain!

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Submitted By: New2This
There once was a lady from khartoum
whos untouched flower had reached it's full bloom
While waiting for a mate
she reached a feverish state
and ended up making due with a broom!

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Submitted By: LEA G.
Original:

There once was a fireman named Rick
Who thought he was really quite slick
He would go all over town
Waving his hose all around
Thinking it would impress the chicks

(haha---and you thought something else rhymed with "Rick")

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Submitted By: Mod Art
A serial kisser named Tucker
Would approach every lass with a pucker.
But sometimes his mouth
Went a trifle far South
And landed where others might fuck 'er.

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Submitted By: John
In my opinion the classic of classics:

From the depths of the crypt of StGiles
came a scream that resounded for miles.
Said the vicar "Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatious
forgotten the Bishop has piles?"

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Submitted By: John
The new cineramic emporium
Is not just a super-sensorium,
But a highly effectual
Heterosexual
Mutual masterbatorium.

There was an old scott named McTavish
who attempted an anthropoid ravish.
The object of rape
was the wrong sex of ape,
And the anthropoid ravished McTavish.

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Submitted By: John
There was a young girl of Baroda
who built an erotic pagoda;
The walls of its halls
were festooned with the balls
And the tools of the fools that bestrode her.

I met a lewd nude in Bermuda,
Who thought she was shrewd ; I was shrewder;
She thought it was crude
To be wooed in the nude;
I pursued her,subdued her and screwed her.

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Submitted By: Neal
There was ayoung man named Sam.
Who was quite proud of his ham.
One day while getting head.
His girlfriend looked up and said,
"This damn thing tastes like Spam".

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Submitted By: LEW
There was a blonde cutey named Patty
Who found a rich sugar daddy
This businesslike quail
Made dough off her tail
Now she drives a convertible caddy.

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Submitted By: Heather M
There once was a girl from Nantukit
Whose only hobby is to suck it
She likes a big dick
One she can lick
She swallows, gets sick and upchucks it

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Submitted By: ERIC
A flatulent lady named Marta
was widely renowned as a Farter
On the strength of one bean
she'd fart "God Save The Queen"
And Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata"

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Submitted By: Chrys Searle
When the Bermondsey Bricklayers struck,
Bill Bloggins was havin' a f**k.
By Union rules
he had to lay down his tools.
Now wasn't that hard bleedin' luck!

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Submitted By: Anonymous
There once was a priest from Dundee,
Who went in the alley to pee,
Dominiscus Nobiscum
Oh why don't the piss come,
It must be the C_L_A_P.

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Submitted By: Eric West
To his wife said the new wed Detective
Could it be that my eyesights defective
or has the East tit the least bit
the best of the West tit,
Or is it a faulty perspective?

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Submitted By: Eric West
A young girl from Ekatahuna
was laid in her bunk on a Schooner
This nautical ride
left her something inside
We'll know just what in nine months or sooner

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Submitted By: Eric West
There was a young lady from Crewe
Who said, as the Bishop withdrew
"The Vicar was quicker
and slicker and thicker
And nine inches longer than you"

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Submitted By: Jonelle Pedigo
There once was a man named booker
who only like to fuck hookers
one day at the loft
his dick fell off
and now he's only a looker.

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Submitted By: Anonymous
There once was a guy called Reg
who fucked a girl in a hedge
then along came his wife
with a big carving knife
and cut off his meat and two veg.

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Submitted By: Barron Henderson
This is not my own either...

There once was a girl from Seattle
Whose hobby was sucking off cattle
A bull from the south
Left a wad in her mouth
That made her ovaries rattle

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Submitted By: Barron Henderson
I didn't write this...

There once was a man from Briton
Who said to his girl, you're a tight 'n
She cried 'pon my soul
You're in the wrong hole
There's plenty of room in the right one

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Submitted By: tom norris
there was once a guy called Alex Testa
Who looked alot like uncle festa
even his face
was a discrace
alex testa, blubber from manchester

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Submitted By: H.B. Carlisle
There was a young housewife from Des Plaines,
Who was playing with the family"s Great Dane,
She said to her daughter,
"Bring a bucket of water,
I'm afraid that we're hung up again!"

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Mail Box Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised September 1999