Submitted By: Bobby Brown
There once was a women from mass
Who had a very large ass
when asked does it shake
she said with a quake
No, but it does pass some gas
Submitted By: Beelzebub
There was a young man from Pool
Who had concentric rings 'round his tool
He went to a clinic
The doctor--a cynic--
Said "wash it, it's lipstick, you fool!"
Submitted By: edsDrizzt
These are my origional *naughty* limericks
Enjoy!
I knew a man from Bangladesh
Who liked his females clothed in mesh
Any color or shape,
Just so he could gape
At the supple feminine flesh.
A very great man from Taiwan
Was incurably given to yawn.
He thought it quite banal
and unbelievably anal
When girls, over him, would fawn.
There once was a man from Belize
Who had a huge urge to sneeze.
His nose was itching
Because he was snitching
Forbidden fruit under the trees.
Submitted By: rhymer
A man-hating stripper from Leicester
Had boils she encouraged to feicester.
They seemed to detract
From the strength of her act
But at least no-one tried to moleicester.
Submitted By: Speckle Bird
Once out on the lake at Dubuque
A girl took a row with a Duque
He remarked "I am sure
You are honest and pure"
Then leaned right over to puke
Submitted By: beany
There was a young woman from Madrid
Who was longing to have a kid
Then came an Italian
With balls like a stallion
And rode her like Billy the Kid.
Submitted By: Andrew W
There was a man from Niagra Falls,
Who toured all the music halls,
His greatest trick
Was to stand on his prick,
And roll off the stage on his balls.
Submitted By: Bill Solomon
There once was a man name of Able,
Who played with himself 'neath the table,
His organ was lengthy,
And tremendously strengthly,
Our Able should live in a stable.
Submitted By: Jettaboy
There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was plumbing his girl by the sea
She said "stop plumbing,
there's somebody comeing"
Said the plumber still plumbing "it's me!"
Submitted By: Barry R. Tugendhaft
Here's an odd one for you. While trying to fix USB problems I
happened to scan a file called Gpsecure.sys located in the:
C:\Windows\System32\Drivers folder and found an embedded limerick
inside of it. The English part in the file says:
THISlimerick(ANDthisWARNINGnotice)COPYRIGHT1996microsoftCORPORATIONallRIGHTSreserved. Followed by this limerick:
"I really couldn't care less," she said.
"I can't even tell if I'm living or dead."
"@#$%^&?!" he replied.
"Where's the candy?" she cried.
"I'll '\' you right upside your head!"
This is the MS USB Game Device validation driver.
Submitted By: demosthenes
The limerick form is complex,
Its contents run chiefly to sex,
It burgeons with virgins,
And masculine urgeons,
And swarms with erotic effex.
Submitted By: demosthenes
I'd rather have fingers than toes,
I'd rather have ears than a nose,
And a happy erection,
Brought just to perfection,
Makes me terribly sad when it goes!
Submitted By: Tim
There once was an alien from Venus,
who had a 20 inch penis.
When day turned to night,
he though it was alright,
and wiped it off with a kleenex.
Submitted By: Gifford Wherry
J. Edgar, he knew that the crux
Of gangster control was big bucks.
Some said he was queer,
But that was a smear;
It's the other Hoover that sucks.
There was a young man from D.C.
Who went to the men's room to pee.
While acting the fool,
He pulled out his tool,
And pissed on himself and on me.
There was a young fella named Bubb,
Who played with himself in the tub.
Massaging his balls,
He shot on the walls
While farting out rub-ah-dub-dub.
Submitted By: Lisa A.
(I think this is the best version of this one)
Nymphomaniacal Jill
Tried a dynamite stick for a thrill
They found her vagina
Way over in China
And bits of her tits in Brazil
Submitted By: Don Picken
There once was a maiden from Chichester
whose beauty made saints in their niches stir.
One Sunday in mass
she dared show her ass, and
made the Bishop of Chichester's britches stir.
Submitted By: Bradford
Here's to the girl named Louise
Who's pussy hair hung to her knees
The crabs got together
and Knitted a sweater
So in the winter her pussy wouldn't freeze.
Submitted By: Bradford
There once was horndog named Schuller
Who measured his dick with a ruler
He found out his dong
Was an inch 'n' a half long
Then he turned off the lights so he'd fool her!
Submitted By: lippy
There once was a man named Doug
Who had an abroller on his rug
On it he was wacking
Goin to town just jacking
Trying to fill up his drinking mug
Submitted By: Josita Cuervo
The couple, they jumped in the sack
With her legs wrapped tight 'round his back
But a condom, they found
Was nowhere around
So he couldn't slip into her crack.
Submitted By: Biju Kaimal
There once was a lady from Madras,
Who didn't know what to do with 'er ass,
She wanted to Fart,
And tried with all heart,
And now it is just shit that she has.
Submitted By: Aimee
There once was a girl named Hortence
Whose boobies were simply immence
One day while playing soccer
She confused the ball with her knocker
And kicked it right over the fence!
Submitted By: Jonathan & Paula
There was once a man from Bulgaria
who went for a piss in an area
said waiter to cook
Oh do come and look
Have you ever seen anything hairier?
Submitted By: Jonathan & Paula
The Postmaster General Cried 'Arsehole'
A pair of Bulls Balls in a parcel
Stamped IRA
with nine pence to pay
Addressed to the King, Windsor Castle
Submitted By: Sam
Spouse of a pretty young thing
came home from war in the spring
he was lame, but he came
with his hand on his cane
a discharge is a wonderful thing
Submitted By: Renee Manke
there once was a man named steve
who always wanted to leave
he went next door
and found a whore
and now when i see him,i heave
this is dedicated to my ex bf who decided to date my neighbor
Submitted By: Flo
There once was a girl from GA
who spent her days whoring away
when asked,"Goes it well"
she says,"Really can't tell,
that is till my customers pay.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised July 1999