Submitted By: Craig
I once knew two sisters whose breasts
They exposed to their thunderstruck guests
A policeman was called
And the young chap, enthralled
Ogled, but made no arrests.
Submitted By: Mark
From deep in the crypt at St Giles
Came a scream which resounded for miles.
Said the Vicar "Good gracious!
Has Father Ignatius,
Forgotten the Bishop has piles!?!?
Submitted By: Nancy
There once was a man named Bill
Who had a loyal wife named Hill
He played harmonica
Made love to Monica
And now he's in for the kill!
Submitted By: Barbara
There once was a boy named Mark
Who liked to have sexual fun in the dark
One day his dad walked through the door
And Mark's vibrater fell to the floor
So now Mark vibrates his ass in the park.
Submitted By: Duane K. Luce
There once was a gal from Racine
Who was bound to do something obscene
So she stripped herself bare
And sold everyone a share
At Merril-Lynch, Pierce-Fenner and Beane
I found this in Ann Landers column several years ago
Submitted By: Ryan C.
A cardiac patient named Fred
Made a limerick up in his head.
He didn't have time.
To right down all the lines....
-Not original.
Submitted By: Ryan C.
A limerick writer named Ryan
Made up limericks all the time.
The thoughts that he had
Were usually bad,
But this one has no dirty lines.
Submitted By: Ryan C.
On the Dark side there was a Darth Vader.
Who said, "Luke, I am your father, your creator."
One more secret's this.
Princess Laya's your sis.
Luke thought, "Damn, and I wanted to lay her."
Submitted By: Brian St. John
There once was a man named Bob,
Who wanted an ass for his knob.
He bought an old whore,
Entered the backdoor.
He wishes she wiped, that slob.
There once was a fresh seafood cook,
Whose penis resembled a hook.
He wasn't much of an angler,
But he snagged fish with dangler,
'Till he lost his rod in a brook.
All original, written in O'Malley's Pub, Weston, MO
Submitted By: RobD
A young exhibitionist called Rex,
Finds public places most fun to have sex,
So he did his girl Tina,
At Wembley Arena,
And now they're thrilling crowds at the G-MEX.
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a preacher's daughter
who resented the pony he bought her
till she found that it's dong
was as hard and as long
as the prayers her father had taught her
She married a man named Tony
who soon caught her fucking the pony
he cried "What's it got
My dear, that I've not?"
and she sighed, "just a yard-long bologna."
Submitted By: chrissy de maria
there was a young girl from Sofia,
who succumbed to her lover's desire.
she said, "it's a sin,
but now that it's in,
could you shove it a few inches higher?"
Submitted By: Big Bad Jim
There once was a woman from China,
Who went to sea on a liner,
She sliped on the deck,
And twisted her neck,
And now can see up her vagina.
Submitted By: thayne
I went to a bar called "Rick's"
And took home in my car two chicks
I pulled off my pants
They threw me a glance
And said "We've seen much larger dicks!"
Submitted By: thayne
I had a dog named Lucky
Who was a horny fucky
One day he found
The neighbor's hound
And got his sausage stucky!
Submitted By: Nick the Dick
There was a young whore from Trotten
Whose tastes were pervertedly rotten
She cared not for steaks
Or pastries and cakes
But lived upon penis au gratin.
Submitted By: tb
There was a young lady from Bath,
Who loved to make love in the grass,
"It is better than a bed",
"I can rest my head",
"And I love how it tickles my ass".
While playing a good round of golf
I got hit and my pecker fell off
But I still have a stub
And although its no sub
I can now use my dick as a club
There was an old man from Bangkok,
Whose dick was as hard as a rock,
The day came, he died,
And they say its no lie,
That the man died, but his hard on did not
confirm = ../confirm.html
from = Steph
email = nobody@wenet.net
subject = Naughty New Limerick
details = Whitey was a kid who had a knack
for running around the high school track
but one day his lance
fell out of his pants
now he is called tic tac
Submitted By: Steph
once upon a starry night
a kid named whitey said with might
i am the biggest, best, and long
just look at my gorgeous dong
and hollie laughed and said "yeah right"
Submitted By: Christy Sadergoske
There once was an actor from Wales
His beauty was hard to detail
His talent was none
His career soon done
When the papers said "he's not male!"
Submitted By: eden's pepsi
There once was a boy named bob
Who one day screwed his door knob
it got stuck in his ass
but it felt better than his bass
and now he can't do his pimp job
Submitted By: Katy
There once was a girl from Nantuket
Who rode to Hell in a bucket,
But when she got there
They asked for her fare,
So she pulled up her skirt and said, "Fuck it!"
Submitted By: Don
There once was a man from L.A.
Who sucked himself off everyday
He didn't like muff,
It was not deep enough
So everyone thought he was gay.
Submitted By: Seamus D'Arcy
A possessive young fellow from Maine,
tied his wife to the sink with a chain.
The chain soon was rusted,
the husband got busted,
And communal showers mean pain
Submitted By: Amar
There was once a man from Oostend
Whose wife caught him fucking her friend
He said it's no use my duck
Interrupting this fuck
For Im damned if I draw til I spend!
Submitted By: Mr. Bumpy
A juggling cat named Pierre
Liked to walk with his tail in the air.
When the girl cats passed by
They said, "My, oh my--
What a nice set of balls you have there!"
Submitted By: Tom Green
Cruel Julie did have in her hands
An abundance of strong rubber bands
She shot one at me
And hit my wee wee
And injured my organs and glands
Submitted By: sasha
there once was a bitch named sherry
she wished a guy she could marry
since her daughter got some
and she could get none
she looked for a goat named larry
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised June 1999