Submitted By: johnv
There once was a wonderful wizard
who had a great pain in his gizzard
So he ate wind and snow
at 50 below
and farted a forty day blizzard.
Submitted By: Foster & "P Dog"
There once was a man from down under
When he fucked it sounded like thunder
He said "Hey there Mate!
Why masterbate?
Oh! Look at your dick, it's no wonder!"
Submitted By: Foster and "P-Dog"
There was a lad from Montana
Who had a wife named Hannah
He could not get wood
So impatient he stood
With a Vaseline enhanced banana!
Submitted By: Foster & "P Dog"
There once was a man from Seoul
His pecker he always did pull
He cut a hole in his pocket
To stroke on his rocket
So he never got caught in school!
Submitted By: jojo the dog faced boy
There was an old codger from Crockett
Who stuck his dick in a socket.
"I hope I don't burn it
Or otherwise ruin it
Cause I'll miss it like crazy, Goldurnit!!"
Submitted By: Henry Mucha
There was a man named Bertrand
Who was suffering from anxiety he could not stand.
He went to bed, that night,
With a love problem, extremely uptight,
But woke up with a solution in hand.
Submitted By: Olga Nikolayenko,age-12,Ukraine
There was a young boy from Caboo,
Who had trouble tying his shoe.
He said to his ox
"I'll just walk in my socks".
Now all of his freind do that, too!
Submitted By: courtneyfp
A young man of unknown idenity
Went swimming in our vicinity
Because he was nuda
A blind baracuda
Ran off with his masculinity.
Submitted By: courtneyfp
There was a young lad named Bart
Who caused a stink from the start
Said a tithering twit
I think surely he's shit
Tho he said it was only a fart.
Submitted By: Bev
There once was a president named Bill.
Who never was able to get his fill.
He met a bitch
who would scratch his itch
and now the whole world is ill.
Submitted By: Ryan Lewis
There was a magician from Purdue
He thought he was good but was new
he tried a vanishing trick
and lost his prick
and now he's become a 'saadhu'
Saadhu is an Indian name for a monk
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was a young lady from Exeter,
So lovely that men craned their necks at her.
One was even so brave
As to take out and wave
The distinguishing sign of his sex at her.
Submitted By: Anonymous
There was a young lady named Monica
She just had a terrible Hannukah
For revealing her versions
Of White House perversions
On Mem'rex, and Maxell and Konica.
Submitted By: Doug
There was a young girl named Hazel
Who had hair growing out of her navel
The sissors she got
cut out a neat spot
now her belly is up for appraisal
Submitted By: RobD
There was a young man, an engineer,
Who liked to drink way too much beer,
One night whilst blind drunk,
He was last seen with a monk,
And now all of his friends think he's queer.
Submitted By: Russ
There was a young lady named Banker,
Who slept while the ship lay at anchor.
She awoke in dismay,
When she heard the mate say,
"Hoist up the top sheet and spanker."
Submitted By: michael phelps
There once was a crack head that was mean,
He didn't pay me, so I broke his spleen.
He had to stop doing crack,
Got up off his back.
Got a job and is now a dope-fiend.
have better limericks, but this was my first.
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who kept all his cash in a bucket
His wife named Fran
Ran away with a man
"Oh said the man "Just Fuck it"
Submitted By: Harry
A lovely young lady at sea
complained that it hurt her to pee.
Said the burly First Mate:
"That accounts for the fate
of the cook and the captain and me."
Submitted By: Linz Marie
The sex of an astroid vermin
Is exceedingly hard to determine
So galactic patrol
Simply fucks any hole
That will possibly let all the sperm in
There was a young spaceman from Venus
Who had a prodigious penis
Cried his girlfriend alas
It just came out my ass
And there is still 15 inches between us.
A horny young blond from Vancouver
Liposuctioned herself with a hoover
Despite the seduction
Achieved by the suction
Was generally thought to improve 'er
These are my favorite limericks and I have memorized them!
Submitted By: anjula godakumbura
there was a man from cuba
who stuck his dick in a tuba
His newly wed bride
blew on the other side
and his dick flew off to Aruba
Submitted By: Jen Graschuk
There once was a young girl named Charlotte
Who made extra cash as a harlot
She screwed a producer
Who tried to seduce her
And now shes a Hollywood Starlet!
Submitted By: Jen Graschuk
There once was a man named Ron Rice
whose privates were ravaged by lice
he scrubbed and he scratched,
but still more were hatched
if you've had it, you know it aint nice
Submitted By: Hugga Fugga
In Las Vegas a maiden named Carol
Was arrested for wearing a barrel.
She'd not drawn the joker
While playing strip poker
And lost all her other apparel.
Submitted By: Craig
I once met a beautiful Persian
A shy one who needed coercion
So I gave her a smile
And she thought for a while
Then allowed me to make an insertion.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised May 1999