Submitted By: Doug Ordunio
After Joe shot his wad into Ann,
She thought she'd douched out in the can.
But she missed by a myriad
And skipped her next period,
And old Joe's on his way to Japan.
Submitted By: Robert Acton
There once was a Prez from Little Rock
Who wanted this young thing on his little cock
So he says of her "Dear Monica"
"Come and play my Harmonica"
Then to Tripp she gave a little talk
Submitted By: Selsdon
A Draughtsman residing in Poole
Was possessed of a singular tool.
Said he, matter-of-factly,
It's twelve inches exactly
But I don't use it much as a rule.
Submitted By: S-Lovely
There was a young man from New Castle,
Who recieved a brown paper parcel.
In it was shit,
And on it was writ,
A message to you from my asshole.
(done in British accent)
Submitted By: Bak2rak
We once knew a girl from Lake Forest
blessed with a gigantic clitoris.
though this might sound dumb
whenever we'd come,
She'd already been there before us.
Submitted By: lou finn
There was a young lady from chester,
who stood in a field and undressed her,
a copper came by,
and said what a beauty,
it took 24 hours to arrest her.
Submitted By: Ram
There once was a man named Starky
Who had an affair with a Donkey
The result of his Sins
Were Quadruplets not Twins
One Black, One White and Two Khakhi
Submitted By: Barry R. Tugendhaft
...[this limerick] is from a movie made in
1969 called "THE MAGIC CHRI$TIAN," starring Peter Sellers and
Ringo Starr. If you've never seen this movie, definitely get hold
of it and watch it. Hilarious. Last scene in the movie is my
favorite and shows you that people will do ANYTHING for money!
There once was a lady from Exeter,
And all the young men threw their sex at her.
So just to be crude,
She laid in the nude,
While her parrot, a pervert, took pecks at her.
Submitted By: Kristin Selke
There once was a guy who passed gas
Who did IT right there in the grass
'Till one night in bed
His boyfriend, Ted said
"Tonight it goes right up the ass!"
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a dentist named Sloan
Who started his practice with a Loan
When he succumbed to Proclivity
And filled the wrong Cavity
What he heard was a moan, not a Groan
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was this teen-aged Dork
Who was always pounding his Pork
After he got his first Piece
From his sixteen year old Niece
The next thing that came was the Stork
Submitted By: Your Web Form
Out west lived a cowboy named Rick
Who, with a lariat, could perform any trick
It was out behind the saloon
One sunny day in June
That he lassoed a bull by the dick
Submitted By: Barney Mitchell
There once was a man named Odom
Whose balls were too big for his scrotom
Though it was relief that he sought
It all went for naught
Cause he didn't know how to unloadem
Submitted By: Jack Mahogoff
There once was a man named Sweeny
whose wife was a terrible meany
The hatch on her snatch
Had a catch that would latch
And she could only get fucked by Houdini
Submitted By: Jim Horn
A evil young woman from Malta
Killed her poor aunt with a halter
She said "I won't bury her"
"She'll do for my terrier"
"She should keep for a month, if I salt her"
Submitted By: Allie & Danielle
there once was a boy who lived in the hay,
all he thought about was foreplay.
the sex was great,
but not his fate.
so he decides to go gay.
There was a guy from Nantucket
he told his wife to suck it
when he didn't cum
she told him he was dumb
and hit him upside the head with a bucket
There once was a guy with great pecs
his obssesion was with sex
he liked it up the ass
with girls who had no class
who called him T-rex
There once was a boy named Phil
whose girlfriend forgot to take the pill
they went to bed
he got more than head
when they went up the hill
Submitted By: Jen Katz
There once was a nun from Siberia
Who was born with a virgin interior
Until a young monk
Jumped into her bunk
And now she's a mother superior!
Submitted By: Victor Coenelius and Slappy Spice
There once was a man named Vic
Who pleasured himself with a stick
He once got it stuck
and said "what the fuck?"
and now there's no room for a prick!
Submitted By: scum
there was an old man from New Castle
who wrapped up a shit in a parcel
he sent it by train
with a note to explain
that it came from his grandmothers asshole
Submitted By: Becca
My friend Trevor wrote this one for me...there is no truth to it though!
Tee hee...
There once was a girl named Becs
Who liked to have lots of sex
With the guys in a line
She'd take them one at a time
And when she was done she'd yell "next!"
Submitted By: RobD
Willy had a problem with his plumbing,
He kept spontaneously coming,
At an interview one day,
He came during it part way,
And said "Well that put me out of the running."
Submitted By: RobD
I know of a Scotsman, a Jock,
Who's got the most extraordinary cock,
He's lucky you see,
'Cause it's shaped like a key,
And with it he can pick any girls' lock.
Submitted By: Solitare
There lived an old man by the bay
Who wanted to find a good lay
He wooed a young lass
With a tight little ass
He just didn't know he'd have to pay.
Submitted By: matt mcgee
There was a young lady named Myrtle,
Who amused herself with a sea-turtle.
And what was phenomenal,
A swelling abdominal,
Revealed that the turtle....was fertil!
Submitted By: Todd
After reading your limerick's tonight on St. Patrick's Day,
I got inspired and wrote this one for my Irish lady friend.
I love madly a faire maiden named Lynne
Her eyes are as green as Irish gin
When the liquor's within her
I like to lick her and grin
"Cause she tastes like a tangy gin fizz
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised April 1999