Naughty Limericks

Page 18

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Submitted By: Matt Bordas
There once was a rooster from Tarmer
Who thought he was quite the charmer
Until, by the shed
He lost his proud head
To the rusty red axe of the farmer.

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Submitted By: Kyle Bennett
There once was a man named Rex
Who had a problem getting sex
He went for some rum
Instead it was cum
Today other guys he connects

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Submitted By: Mona
A lovely, young lady named Lola,
Had a no elastic left in her cola,
The poor little lass,
Shot a turd out her ass..
Like it was lubed up with Crisco Canola!!!

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Submitted By: Mike
There was a young man from Taiwan
Who ordered one ton of wonton
His perversion prooved heinous
For he whipped out his penis
And tied one Taiwon wonton on!

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Submitted By: nomad
There once was a girl named Lewinsky
Who married Carol Linskey
They went to Bill's house
Got a stain on their blouse
Now Ms.Lewinsky is stinky!

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Submitted By: Lex
Here are a few old ones from England.

There was a young woman from the Heath
Who circumsized men with her teeth
It's all very funny
'cos it wasn't for money
But for the cheese that she found underneath!

There was a young copper from the junction
Whose penis just wouldn't function
He fooled his poor wife
For the whole of her life
With some snot on the end of his truncheon.

There was a young plumber from Lee,
who was plumbing his girl with glee,
she said stop your plumbing,
I think someones coming,
said the plumber still plumbing "its me!"

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Submitted By: Phil Swift
There was a policeman from Andover Junction
Whose organ just wouldn't function
Throughout his married life
He deceived his poor wife
With a Wiltshire Constabulary truncheon!!

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Submitted By: Danielle Bissonette
My name is Danielle Bissonette
And I hope that you don't soon forget
For if you're mistaken
Your butt will be achin'
And that aint a hollow threat!

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Submitted By: Chelsea
There once was a man from Brighton
who said to his girl "You're a tight one!"
she said "Pon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole!,
Theres plenty of room in the right one!"

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Submitted By: Solar Bear
I never wrote a limerick with orgy in it
Seems I'd have trouble beginnin' it
On the other hand my rhymes
At least some of the times
Have lotsa fun and sin in it!

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Submitted By: Greg
Greg was a wee lad from Belfast
Whose bombs, they made quite the blast
He said just today
"If I joined the I.R.A.
British rule would be a thing of the past!"


Just being true to my roots!

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Submitted By: Hooter
Legend tells of a knight named Sir Hunt,
Whose cock performed an incredible stunt.
His versatile spout,
Could be turned inside-out,
And thereafter be used as a cunt.

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Submitted By: bad boy
There once was a girl named Reshan,
who everyone thought was a man.
her big healthy breasts,
bounced off my chest,
and went right up into the fan.

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Submitted By: Ashley
There once was a man named Jack
He kept his dick stuck up his crack
When he sat down
He went to town
On his little friend he named Zack

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Submitted By: RobD
Busty Sue was thrilled to bits,
To be staying at the London Ritz,
As the clerk checked her in,
He gave her a sly grin,
As he surreptitiously checked out her tits.

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Submitted By: The Swordsman
A morose young monk from Siberia,
Daily grew drearier and drearier,
Until with a yell,
He burst from his cell,
And buggered the Mother Superior.


A remarkable race are the Persians,
With so many sexual diversions,
They make love all day,
In the regular way,
And save up the night for perversions.

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Submitted By: Mark Fleming
A Hollywood actress of note
Bought an expensive fur coat
They said it was mink
But it wasn't, I think
from the smell it was Angorra goat

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Submitted By: Laurie
There once was a man named Fred,
His wife wouldn't give any head,
so he jumped on his horse,
to get a divorce,
but jumped off and jacked off instead.

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Submitted By: Kevin van Houten
A sousaphone tooter named Bjorn
Was in love with his bright, shiny horn.
He'd lovingly hold her
Astride of his shoulder
She was tongued, she was fingered and worn.

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Submitted By: Kevin van Houten
As piccolo players all know
A piccolo's quite fun to blow.
You get lots of thrills
From those triple-tongue trills.
And your horn's a good fake prickle, OH!

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Submitted By: Kevin van Houten
A percussionist out of St. Peete
Had a drum set made only of "Treet"
He said, with a pause
When asked "Why?" "Because
I like sitting 'round beating my meat."

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Submitted By: Kevin van Houten
A girl with a shiny trombone
Is never, no never alone.
She's famous with guys
When they realize
She uses lip, slide and tongue to find tone.

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Submitted By: Steve Bridger
There once was a fellow called Hough
His Mother's obscenely Rough
She's not very choosy
Some say she's a floozy
And not a nice sight in the buff

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Submitted By: Denny
There once was a girl from Illinois
Who liked to climb trees with the boys
Tho she did't flirt
They'd look up her skirt
With holes in their pockets for toys

Denny
Phoenix, AZ

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Submitted By: joserphia
There was a poor girl on the street,
In trash cans found leftovers to eat.
She thought she had garbage stew.
That tasted like a horse's doo,
Yet demands it tasted quite sweet.

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Mail Box Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised March 1999