Submitted By: Ha-Larry-ous
There once was a knight named sir Lancelot,
Whom the people all looked at askance a lot
For whenever he'd pass,
A delectable lass,
The front of his pants would advance a lot.,
Submitted By: Newbird7
There was a young gal from Iconium,
Who's dildo was made from Plutonium,
But when deep in her ass,
It reached critical mass,
There WAS a young gal from Iconium.
Submitted By: Venkatesh Nakhate
There was a man from Tamil Nadu
Who knew a lot of Jadoo
Once during a trick
He lost his prick
And now he is a sadoo
Submitted By: Hee, hee.
Characters : Leo Fine, Scott Jones ( Red-head ), Paul Olivier.
Leo and scott played tennis,
in a quiet little town of Venice.
They used special balls,
that used to be Paul's,
and now Paul feels quite tremendos.
Submitted By: Froggy Fine
There once was a boy named Ian,
and his entire reason for bein'.
Was to stand in the stall,
holdin' it all,
and enjoying himself while peein'.
Submitted By: Ben Withers
There was an old bishop from Bavery
Addicted to deeds obscene and unsavory
Amidst rumbles and howls
He deflowered young owls
In the depths of his underground aviary
Submitted By: J. Clifford
In the White House there roams a liberal named Bill
Whose election wrought repubicans ill will
But when Bill made a mess
On the intern's new dress
Republicans sought impeachment with zeal
The word spread like fire through our land
of an affair that got perversly out of hand
While Hillary was playing dumb
Her husband was getting gummed
In the halls of our great high command
Now while Bill did his job without care
The nation went ga ga over the Capitol pair
And it wasn't till later
After he lied we found he did cater
To the tempations of the girl with big hair
Submitted By: Coach G
There once was a villian most feared,
Who tied a lass to a train track then leered,
But he tied her up wrong-ways,
Not cross-ways but long-ways,
And a forty car train disappeared!
Submitted By: Steve Saunders
There once was a girl from Vancouver
Whose mouth had the strength of a Hoover;
When she turned it on high,
A week would pass by,
Before anyone could remove her.
Submitted By: Kevin McCloskey
These two were not written by me, but rather found on the Spacemoose
website (www.spacemoose.com)
I had an ex-roommate Pierre,
Who once fell asleep in my chair.
I pulled out my unit,
Proceded to tune it,
And fired a load in his hair.
Submitted By: Jim
A lady who "hooks" for a living,
Had no chest, so her profits were thinning.
She got her boobs stuffed,
Now they're quite big enough,
To give a whole new lift to "Thanksgiving"!
Submitted By: Keith Graham
There once was a girl named Teddi,
Whose hair was stuck together like spaghetti.
It was covered with Cheese,
All the way to her knees,
So you had to part her legs with a machete.
Submitted By: Keith Graham
There was a young lass named flower,
Who lived on a hill in a tower.
She hosted a show,
And we all got to go
Watch her dance around in the shower.
Submitted By: Schitz00
There once was a girl called Rene
Who had two brothers, both were gay
If you give 'em a buck
they'll give you a fuck
Then will happily walk away
Submitted By: J.S.Voodoo
I love this website! Here is my first attempt at a dirty limerick. Hope
you like it.
Old Bill's wife was a nasty old hag
Each damn day she was on the rag!
He made her some strap-ons
Out of super thick tampons
But she still won't use a douche bag!
No longer does Bill try to please her
Instead, he puts turds in the freezer
A condom for a wrapper
They go back up his crapper
And he cums like no other old geezer
Her fancy he will no longer tickle
He cuddles only with his crap-sickle
What that crazy old coot
Pushes up his poop-chute
Makes a boner of his wrinkled ol' pickle
Left his wife to be a mountaineer
Just sits in the snow and drinks Bush beer
He needs no ice box
To make his turd-cocks
And once in a while, he fucks reindeer
And if he gets lonely and feels low
He cops a squat to make a dildo
Thinks of bloody tampons
Laces up his crampons
And is glad he left that bloody ho!
Submitted By: Speckle Bird
There once was a lady named McBagg
And to all the ladies she did brag
"My breasts are sizeable,
And easily recognizeable
I rarely have to wear a name tag."
Submitted By: Phlegmer
There once was a young man named Gus
Who for animals had a great lust
He buggered and owl,
two dogs, and a fowl
And a little green lizard that Bust
Submitted By: Phlegmer
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who was fucking a pig in a bucket
The pig said with a grunt
"That's my ass, not my cunt.
Come around to the front and I'll suck it."
Submitted By: Laura Wilson
Said the Indian Chief to the Totem
"My wife's breasts are so large she can float 'em!
All the tribe members stare.
It's unbearable. There...
...fore, I bought her a bag for to tote 'em!
Submitted By: Bruce
A man back from Alpha Centauri
Tells a perfectly horrible story
Their women have teeth
Both above and beneath
And whatever goes in comes out gory!
Submitted By: Bruce
A turd dropped by Sister Ecclesia
Reached from Key West to Southern Rhodesia
The cause of this dump
Was a three-foot-square lump
Of Ex-Lax laced with Milk of Magnesia
Submitted By: Bruce
As to rape mused Joe Blow in Cell 9
I'll take any cunt-hole for mine
Dogs,sheep,mares or squirrels
Or if nothing else girls
As long as it stinks man it's fine!
Submitted By: Lou Mandel
There once was a man from Dakota
Who didn't pay a whore what he owed her
She jumped out of bed,
her c-nt flaming red
And pissed in his whiskey and soda
Submitted By: limerick boy
There was a young mister from Blister
Who knocked up his gal as he kissed her.
But he couldn't afford
A new baby on board,
So from then on he just had to fist her.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised January 1999