Naughty Limericks

Page 15

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Submitted By: Sailor Moon
There once was a young man named Justin
Who got caught by his mom when lustin'
While cybering with "hedgethorn"
and looking at hardcore porn
And his daddy gave him a good bustin'

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Submitted By: Amy
There once was a U.S.Marine
Whose manners were slightly unclean
He liked to eat jizz
Both other's and his
When served in a hot soup tourene

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Submitted By: Phlegmer
There once was a man from Seattle
whose hobby was sucking off cattle
'til a holstein named Keith
blew a load through his teeth
and put 'im right back in the saddle

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Submitted By: james mead
There was an old Irish mick
whose cum was exceedingly thick
He could squeeze it out
And spray it about
But it stuck to the end of his dick.

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Submitted By: Y Bik
There was a man from Capri
Who tried to piss over a tree
The tree was too high
And it fell in his eye
And now the poor bugger can't see.

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Submitted By: Daniel Alcon
There was a young whore from Kilkenny,
Who charged two fucks for a penny,
For half of that sum,
You could bugger her bum,
An economy practised by many

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Submitted By: Kristen
There once was a man named Harry
Whose balls were so very scary
When he would take a piss
He would moan and hiss
Because it was too heavy to carry.

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Submitted By: Shandra
There was a guy I wanted to be mine
so I told him "You be six and I'll be nine"
"we can have fun and then a Lay
Yes, I'm talking to you Joe Day!"
Then he said "Damn you're fine!!!"

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Submitted By: Dirty Dave
There was a young lady named Hilda
who went on a date with a builder -
he asked if he should -
she said that he could -
so he did, and very near killed her!

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Submitted By: Dirty Dave
A policeman from near Clapham Junction
had a penis that just would not function;
for his whole married life,
he deluded his wife,
with some snot on the end of his truncheon

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Submitted By: Dirty Dave
There was a young man from Calcutta
who peeked through a hole in a shutter,
all he could see
was a prostitute's knee,
and the bum of the chap that was up her!

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Submitted By: Dirty Dave
There was a young lady from Ongar
who was shagged in the sea, by a conger,
her girl friend from Deal,
asked "how did it feel?"
she said "nice - like a man - only longer!"

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Submitted By: Dirty Dave
A lighthouse keeper called Crighton
took to seeing a lady from Brighton,
but ships ran aground,
and sailors were drowned,
as she wouldn't have sex with the light on

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Submitted By: Speckle Bird
There once was a whore on the dock
From dusk until dawn she sucked cock
'Til one day it's said
She gave so much head
She exploded and whitewashed the block

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Submitted By: Speckle Bird
When her daughter got married in Bicester,
Her mother remarked as she kissed her,
"That fellow you've won,
Is sure to be fun,
Since tea he's fucked me and your sister."

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Submitted By: eam98
There once was a lass from Nantucket,
Who went to the moon in a bucket.
When she got there,
they asked for her fare.
So she stuck out her tit and said, "Suck it!"

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Submitted By: alistair dawson
NB this refers to recent events in the British Isles.......

There was a young girl of Nant FFrancon
Whose chastity no-one would bank on
She rogered Prince Andy
And Tony - but Mandy
Was one guy she just drew a blank on.

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Submitted By: Bob Lyman
There once was a lady from France
Who kept a baboon in her pants
half the people who saw
couldn't help but guffaw
but the rest of them asked her to dance.

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Submitted By: Bob
There once was a man from Far Rockaway
That could smell a piece-of-ass about a block away
One night he got a whif,
but she had the "siff"
And now it's eating his cock-a-way

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Submitted By: Bob
I sat with the Dutchess at tea
She said "Do you fart when you pee?"
I said with some whit
"Do you belch when you shit?"
And thought it was one up for me!

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Submitted By: hambone
The latest word from the dean,
Regarding the teaching machine,
Is that Oedipus Rex,
Could have learned about sex,
Alone without bothering the queen.

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Submitted By: John Boy
One morning Mahatama Gandhi
Had a hard on, and it was a dandy!
He said to his aide,
"Please bring me a maid,
Or a goat, or whatever is handy!"

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Submitted By: godfatha
there once was a guy at a mall
who thought he was tough shit and all
he thought he was slick
when he whipped out his dick
but girls laughed cause his dick was too small

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Submitted By: Kelly
There once was a man from Montanna
Who said he could play the pianna
His finger slipped
His zipper ripped
And out came a hairy banana

(this is not an original, just overheard it in conversation)

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Submitted By: Celeste
There once was a man named Moran
A bad lover who drove a van
He'd take a girl home
Then leave her alone
Said he,"I'm in love with my hand!"

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Submitted By: Brimstone
There once was a lady named Mable,
whose ass was as big as a table.
"Never you mind."
said a frind of mine.
She's ready, willing, and able.

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Submitted By: Joan
This girl liked to swim everyday
She always said "its like play"
but when she removed
her clothing she proved
her body was not for display

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Submitted By: Ben
There once was a girl named Jill
She had a licence to kill
Instead of shopping,
she went head-bopping
And now she has to pay the death bill.

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Mail Box Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised November 1998