Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was an old man called Col,
who thought every hole was a goal
He would fill any gap
and shoot up his sap
until his dick got stuck in a mole
Submitted By: Bluebird (Barbara Tepper)
Inspired by a recent discussion (on AJL) about toilet-seat etiquette.
A MAN'S LAMENT: WE CAN'T WIN
What's the deal with this toilet-seat crap?
If we don't put it up, there's a flap.
Leave it up, and we get,
A new lecture yet.
Either way, we'll be in for a rap.
Bluebird (Barbara Tepper)
Submitted By: Limrixman
There once was a Scot named McAmeter,
Whose tool had prodigious diameter.
But it wasn't his size
That gave girls their surprise...
'Twas his rhythm--iambic pentameter.
Submitted By: Limrixman
If you crossed a young intern, Lewinsky,
With a man by the name of Kaczynski,
Then the blow jobs you'd get
Would be dynamite! Yet,
You might end up without a fore-skin-ski!
Submitted By: Fritti Tailchaser
There once was a man named Mike.
Who sported an enormous spike.
His girl said with a grin,
"It's hard to get in,
But that's the size that I like"
Submitted By: Todd Christensen
Here's one for the beer drinking crowd!
There once was a woman from Anheiser,
Who swore that no man could surprise her.
But Pabst took a chance,
Found a Schlitz in her pants,
and now she is sadder Budweiser!
Submitted By: Todd J. Christensen
There once was a woman from Hoboken,
Who claimed her cherry was broken,
From riding a bike,
On a cobblestone pike,
But it really was broken from pokin'!
Submitted By: Todd Christensen
There once was a woman from Arden,
Who sucked off her man in a garden.
He said, "My dear Flo,
Where does all that stuff go?"
And she said, "MMMMMNG, I beg your pardon?"
*MMMMMNG* the sound of swallowing (if you couldn't deduce that).
Submitted By: Todd Christensen
There once was a milkman named Schwartz,
Whose cock was all covered with warts.
But women would play,
with his dick anyway,
'cause good ol' Schwartz came in quarts.
Submitted By: Sauraab Sethi
There was this belle from Bangalore,
so sweet and pure when she was four,
When she was sixteen of age,
She went to Maharani's college,
And now everyone thought She was a Whore!
Submitted By: Robert Ayre
A young violinist from Reo,
Was seducing a woman named Cleo;
As she took down her panties,
She said "No 'andantes',
I want this 'allegro con brio'.
Submitted By: Your Web Form
I think my teacher is smart
He has such a wonderful heart
He said with a grin
As it rumbled within
That smell in the air is a fart
Submitted By: michael landmark
one night wile fucking his wife Dr Zuck
in his ears got his wife's nipples stuck
with his thumb up her bum
he could hear himself come
thus inventing the TELEPHONE FUCK!
Submitted By: Jed Meltzer
A lonely old man at the zoo
Seemed to have nothing better to do
Than to eye the Giraffe,
But unbeknownst to the staff,
He was secretly balling the gnu.
Note: Gnu is one syllable.
Another one: (both original)
There once was a lass from Gibralter
Whose purity a young man did alter
But just ere she came
He reddened with shame,
For the strength of his manhood did falter.
Submitted By: Will H
There was a young woman from Madrass
who I took for a walk in the grass
With fingers so slim..I fingered her quim
Till it foamed like a bottle of bass.
Submitted By: Will H
There was a young woman from west Houghton
Who had a long Tit and a short one
So to make up for that
she had a lopsided twat
and a fart like a five hundred Noughton.
Submitted By: john loughery
there once was a fellow named clyde
but his girth was so far from wide
when he expelled a gas
he fell through his ass
hanging there till he strangled and died
Submitted By: Mike Hunt
There once was a vicar from Kew,
Who preached with his vestments askew,
A woman named Morgan,
Caught sight of his organ,
And promptly passed out in her pew
Submitted By: Todd J. Christensen
There once was a young man from Brighton,
Who remarked to his woman, "My, you're a tight one."
She said, "Upon my soul,
You're in the wrong hole,
There's plenty of room in the right one!"
Submitted By: Jamie Sharp
There once was a man from Goshum
who took off his balls to wash 'em
His wife said Jack
if you don't put 'em back
I'll put 'em in the wringer and squash'em.
Submitted By: luke teoh
Thus spake Madame du Berry
"I fear my son is a fairy
the problem you see
is he sits down to pee.
Yet he stands when I bathe the canary."
Submitted By: edavid
The new cinematic emporium
was more than a super sensorium
it was highly effectual
as a heterosexual
mutual masturbatorium
Submitted By: john loughery
yesterday I called up my mother
I said, "dear mom there is another,
she gives good head too
and she’s younger than you
why don’t you date my dear brother"
Submitted By: brevier
I asked an old crofter on Skye,
what he did in the winter -- and why.
I received an offensive,
obscene, comprehensive,
and monosyllabic reply!!
Submitted By: Comfort Desiree
There was an ol' Gal with gray hair.
Who gave all the young fellers' a stare.
She'd offer them treats,
of her wrinkled up meat.
But when you're young & horny, who cared?
A fountain of passion they found.
Among her mountains of aged ground round.
So sweet be a tart.
But offers nothing more than a fart!
Five fingered romance will always be found.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised October 1998