Submitted By: william schroeder
There was a mortician named Dauphin
Who preferred to sleep in a coffin
It was there that he tried
To make love to his bride
And he did, but not very often.
Submitted By: william schroeder
There once was a girl from Detroit
Who at screwing was considered adroit
She could contract her vagina
To a pinpoint or finer
Or spread it out flat like a plate.
Submitted By: Brio
The pleasure of running around nude
Is perceived as being quite rude
Inserting ones pole
Into accessible holes
Isn't just rude but plain lewd
Submitted By: hugh mcconkey
there was a young man from kapits
who planted a whole field of tits
they came up in the fall
red nipples and all
and he leisurely chewed them to bits
Submitted By: hugh mcconkey
there was a young man named jock
who played the bass viol with his cock
with a tremendous erection
he played a selection
from johann sebastian bach
Submitted By: Tom Henry
A lassie on one of her larks
Said "it's more fun indoors than in parks
You feel more at ease,
Your ass doesn't freeze,
And strollers don't make snide remarks"
Submitted By: Your Web Form
A shapely young lady named Jenna
colored her pubics with henna.
At the beach she was crude
and sunbathed in the nude.
She was promptly invited to dinnah.
Submitted By: Chris Lannon
There once was a man from Wheeling
His dick with his hand he was feeling
He shot it so high
Up into the sky
He looked up as it dripped from the ceiling
Submitted By: Conan Wills
Poante gross and despotic
my tastes are more rich than exotic
I've always adored
making love in a ford
for I am autoerrotic
Submitted By: John Caldwell
A bather's clothing was strewed
By a wind that left her quite nude
When a man came along
And unless I am wrong
You expected this line to be lewd
Submitted By: tom
There once was a man from Melbourne
Who really enjoyed watching porn
He whacked with his right
just so he could keep it in sight
Up until his dick was torn
Submitted By: Al Willis
It would watch me when I combed my hair.
It was virile and active, mon cher.
Now it watches (bad news)
As I tie both my shoes.
Oh, when will it end, this nightmare?
Submitted By: Popsicle
There was an old roue named Clyde
Who took an eighteen year old for a bride.
They took the old lecher
Out on a stretcher
But as he left he was smiling with pride.
Submitted By: Popsicle
An ex-submariner named Guido
Had a most tremendous libido.
When he was around women
He just couldn't go swimmin
Because of his gigantic torpedo.
Submitted By: June Harris
A randy young man from the Cape
Was trying to rape an ape.
The ape said "You fool,
You'll damage your tool
And you're putting my arse out of shape."
Submitted By: Bob S.
There once was a crab named Ickie
Whose shell to the touch was sticky
Off to Heaven he went,
to live in a tent
And there he plays with his dickie.
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a man named Sweeney
Who's body parts were kinda teenie
Except when he peed
He smiled with glee
At the size of his rather large weeney.
Submitted By: Your Web Form
Civil rights limerick from the 60's
In the Southland a redneck named Hollis
slept with a snake for his solace.
His children had scales,
and prehensile tails,
and voted for Governor Wallace.
Submitted By: Bill
There was a young girl from Dunellen
That the lads in the shipyard called Ellen
In her efforts to please
She spread social disease
From New York to the straights of Magellen
Submitted By: Tom Morrow
Tho he came like spew from a comet,
What he spewed made her spray, wipe & bomb it.
It was all black & green,
Like nothing she'd seen,
But pig squat, old pus, and dog vomit.
Submitted By: W. Schroeder
Oh Father, I have a confession.
I have this awful obsession.
The men-of-the-cloth'll
Soon open a brothel.
And I want the condom concession.
Submitted By: limerick larry
There once was a man from St Paul,
Who was born with detachable balls.
When he was bored, he'd remove both his orbs,
And juggle while walking the halls.
There once was a man from Penn Station
Who discovered a brand new sensation.
While fucking his mother
and sucking his brother
he gagged on his sister's menstruation.
Submitted By: Cyber Stud
There once was a man from china
Who drove a mini minor
He hit a rock and split his cock
And now he's got a vagina
Submitted By: June Harris
There was a young man from Horsham
Who took out his balls to wash em.
His mother said "Jack,
if you don't put them back
I'll stand on the bastards and squash em."
There was an old man from Calcutta
Who lay down in the gutter.
The sun was so hot
It burnt off his cock
And melted his balls into butter.
There once was a man named Crockett
Who went for a ride in a rocket
The engine went bang
His nuts went clang
And he found his dick in this pocket.
Submitted By: Moose & Cat
There once was a woman from Neeth
Who circumcised dicks with her teeth
It wasn't for leisure
Or sexual pleasure
It was to get at the cheese underneath
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised August 1998