Submitted By: Paul Sheldrake
There once was a nice guy named Steve
He was a fashionable Taiwanese
He liked handsome boys
And long hard toys
And was quick and ready with a yes please
Submitted By: M. Novosel
There once was an undertakers daughter named Maddie
Who befriended a young virgin laddie
She said, "If you do what I say
We'll have a great lay
Since I've buried more stiffs than my daddy"
There once was a man named McNameter
Who was blessed with both length and diameter
But it wasn't his size
that gave them surprise
It was his rhythm iambic pentameter
Submitted By: Gill Andersen
there was a young woman named Pat,
who offered to do this or that,
when speaking of this,
she meant more than a kiss,
so imagine her meaning of that
Submitted By: jimbo & will
There was a young woman from Sweden,
Who didn't much like breast-feedin'.
Unfortunately for her lad
She gave the job to his dad,
But he just ended up bleedin'!
Submitted By: A.T.
Had an Uncle who lived in Toledo
He tried to live incognito
But he was hung like a horse
Tough to hide it of course
It really screwed up his Libido
Submitted By: A Toth
There once was a book named The Bloody Trail
Don't even know if its ever been for sale
But if you find it,
it's no gag
The authors name is Anita Ragg.
Submitted By: Jenn
There once was a young man named Yost
Who had quite an affair with a ghost
At the height of orgasm
The poor ectoplasm
Cried, "Oh goodie, I feel it...almost."
A swinging young couple from Histwyth
Knew another that they would play whist with
And whenever able
They'd reach under the table
To play with what the other one pissed with
Submitted By: clint
there once was a man from Royce,
He couldn't control his sphincter by choice,
so he rode and he strode
to his favorite commode,
blew his nose blew his ass and rejoiced.
Submitted By: J.A.G
A time long ago in China
There was a man who couldn't be fine-a
He loved sex since he was ten
But it was always with men
Yet he really wanted vagina
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was a young woman from Thrace
Whose corset was too tight to lace
Her mother said, "Nelly
there's more in your belly
I fear than went in through your face".
Submitted By: Davey Gee
There once was a man from Caldockery
Who was having a piece on the rockery
She said to her chum,
"You've cum on me bum!
This isn't a F@#* it's a mockery!"
Submitted By: george h matter
Here are a couple you may not have heard.
There was a young man of Australia
Who painted his ass like a dahlia:
The drawing was fine,
The painting divine,
But the aroma -- ah, that was the failure.
A comely young widow named Ransom
Was ravished three times in a hansom:
When she cried out for more,
Came a voice from the floor,
"Lady my name is Simpson, not Sampson"
Submitted By: george h matter
King Henry the Eighth was a Tudor
Of our monarchs we've witnessed fu ludor:
Each wife that he wed,
He led to the bed,
Where he vudor, and wudor, and scrudor.
I wonder how King Arthur felt,
When one day Queen Guinevere knelt,
Saying: "Tell me, my pet,
How did Lancelot get
The key to my chastity belt?"
Submitted By: george h matter
There was a young maid of Peru
Who swore she never would screw,
Except under stress
Of forceful duress,
Like: 'I'm ready. How about you?'-----Isaac Asimov
There was a young nun from Peru
Whom the Bishop wanted to screw,
But she said "The Vicar
Is quicker and slicker,
And three inches longer than you."
Submitted By: A. Toth
There was a young woman from Wheeling
Who I found too be, quite appealing
So I took her home, only to find
This poor girl was out of her mind
She loved too have sex, on the ceiling
Submitted By: jack qualman
Here's another from my Slick Willy Series:
Our sax-playing President did plead,
"Paula, please come wet my reed."
I can not comply
She said with a sigh,
To such a dirty, dastardly deed.
Jack Qualman
Submitted By: Bob Underdown
There was a young shepherd from Trieste,
Who all his ewe-lambs did molest,
Whilst humping away
One hot summer's day
An old ram ate his shorts and string vest.
There was a young scotsman named Andy,
Who went to a pub for a shandy.
On lifting his kilt
To see what he spilt,
The barmaid said "Blimey - that’s handy!"
A red-headed stripper called Sally
Regularly performed at the pallais.
She got such applause
When she dropped her drawers
‘Cos the hair on her head did not tally.
Submitted By: Anonymous
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who dropped his dick in a bucket
Along came a guy Dan
Who was a very gay man
So he decided to suck it
Submitted By: Sailor Moon
Sailor Uranus is a bit of a queer
her friend Sailor Neptune has no fear
because they are lovers
playing under the covers
and all you here is a groan or a cheer
Submitted By: Sailor Moon
There was a fifteen-year-old named Andy
but no one thought of him as being randy
Girls looking like Venus
gave him a lift of the penis
and one slut-girl said, "Tonight, that'll handy!"
Submitted By: Sailor Moon
IF jack helped you on would you help him off
Jack helped Jill mount a horse at a trough
They had so much fun without even a scoff
She said, "I want more
than a ride on a door,
Jack, do I need to help you off?
Submitted By: Gil
There was a young lady from Utoxeter,
the boys all waved their cocks at her,
she contracted the pox
from one of the cocks,
Now she's poxed all the cocks in Utoxeter.
Submitted By: Adam, George,Rachel
There once was an ugly young man
who had good uses for his hand
his fingers were long
and so was his dong
so he always comes again
Submitted By: ANRUCEK
There once was a man called Bill
Who had his wife, named Hil
Bill, you see,
could not take a pee
For he had no willy
Submitted By: R.Gaul
The Right Reverend Dean of St. Just
Was consumed with erotical lust
He buggered three men
Two mice and a hen
And a little green lizard that bust.
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised June 1998