Submitted By: Neil swan
There once was a fellow named Bruno
Who said "About fucking, I do know
A camel is fine,
An alpaca divine,
But a llama is numero uno."
Submitted By: Chris
There once was a man named Jim
Who mounted a girl named Kim
When he entered her cunt
He gave a great grunt
She said, "Oh how you've grown Tim."
There once was a girl named Louise
Who's cunt hair hung past her knees
The fleas on her box
Tied her hair up in knots
And now it's a flying trapeze
Submitted By: Penguin
There once was a man from Cape Fear;
who had a dick for an ear.
He said " Sex could last long if you're neck's
good and strong, just don't get you're ear caught in
your zipper".
Submitted By: BearBQ
There was a young maid from Norway
Who hung by her heels in a doorway
She said to her beau
Look here, Joe
I think I've found one more way.
Submitted By: Pete Lester
Coooooooooooowel
You probably have this one
There once was a queer named Taylor
who seduced a very young sailor
They threw him in jail
but he worked out his bail
by doing his thing on the jailer
Submitted By: Jeremy Gibson
There was an old lady from Kent
To the football game she went
As she sat on the goal
and opened her hole
Guess where the football went
Submitted By: Tiffany
There once was a lady named Dot
who inserted a fly up her twat
that fucker would buzz,
way down in her fuzz
till you glued his wings tight with a shot
Submitted By: Tiffany
there once was a man from Iraq
who had holes down the length of his cock
when he got an erection,
he would play a selection
from Johan Sabastian Bach
Submitted By: C
At first when i met you at the bar
I couldn't help but tell you how fucking fat you are
But i like the way you make your titi's shake
And if you lost a little weight
You could look like Ricki Lake
Submitted By: D. Simmons
Ethnologists up with the Sioux
Wired home for two punts, one canoe.
The answer next day
Said, "Girls on the way,
But what in the hell's a panoe?"
Submitted By: D. Simmons
There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling
There was never a sound
For miles around
Except fly-buttons hitting the ceiling.
Submitted By: D. Simmons
There was a young girl of Samoa
Who plugged up herself with a boa.
This strange contraceptive
Was very deceptive
To all but the spermatozoa.
Submitted By: D. Simmons
There once was a plumber named Lee
Who was "plumbing" his wife by the sea.
She said, "Stop your plumbing,
I hear someone coming!"
He said, "Yes I know dear, it's me!"
Submitted By: D. Simmons
There was a young lady named Alice
Who peed in the Archbishop's chalice.
When asked to explain
She said with disdain,
" 'Twas from need, not from Protestant malice."
Submitted By: Jack Qualman
Said Slick Willy to the young Paula Jones,
I'd like to listen to your sighs and your moans.
So if you have the nerve
To deep throat this curve
It will tickle your erogenous zones.
Paula Jones proved to be very smart
When asked to perform oral art.
I will not, she said
Put that thing in my head.
Do you think I'm a trailer park tart?
Our gallant young president ,'Slick Willie'
Showed his 'sword' to a sweet young filly.
He said, 'My sword would cut better
If you would give it a header.'
Replied the filly to Willie, 'Don't be silly!'
Slick Willy, with his distinguishing curve
Certainly had an abundance of nerve.
When he ordered: 'Paula, get oral'
She replied, 'Oh no, that's immoral'
And declined his presidential d'oeuvre.
Submitted By: ken
There once was a girl from Brunt
Standing in water up to her knees;
This poem doesn't rhyme yet,
but wait 'tin the tide comes in!
Submitted By: Kendahl Selkow
The little green booger-men from Mars
sh*t in neighborhood bars
"There in the crapper"
they put on the wrapper
Thats how we get cheap cigars
Submitted By: Edward J. Boyd IV
A man of conceit, name of Ryne,
lures girls on to infamous crime.
"I deliver," he boasts,
"two goals and the post,
And goodness knows how many times."
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There once was a hillbilly Bill
Who lived on the capitol hill.
He zapped an intern,
Got a media burn
And now his life's going downhill.
Submitted By: Chris Bird
there was a man from leeds
who swallowed a packet of seeds
Around his cock
grew Virginia Stock
and out of his ass grew weeds
Submitted By: Kirsty Kerr
There was a woman called Jean
In whose knickers many had been
But when she undressed
They thought it was best
To not say what they had seen
Submitted By: Your Web Form
There was a young lady from Exeter,
and all the young men threw their sex at her.
Thinking it rude,
she lay in the nude,
while her parrot (a pervert) took pecks at her.
Submitted By: Dirk Wude
Just my first try
There was a young postman from Hamm
whose ass looked like a delicious ham
when he walked for a mile
youīd see his walking style
thatīs why he is called madame.
Submitted By: SANDMAN
There once was an under- sexed boy
he hadnīt much fun to enjoy
he died in the night
while a very wild ride
on his monstrous sexual toy
Submitted By: Tyler Weston
There once was a man named Cleatith
He spent half his life in a pheatith
He had no dick
he looked really sick
and therefore he is not compleatith
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised April 1998