Submitted By: P. Balahadia
There was once a man from Bombay
who fashioned a cunt out of clay
but the heat of his prick
made it into a brick
and chafed his foreskin away
Submitted By: John
The Dean undressed
with pious zest
The vicar's wife to lie on
She thought it rude to do it nude
So he kept his old school tie on
Submitted By: Christian Carpenter
There once was a man from St. Paul
Who liked to do tricks in the hall
His favorite trick
was to stand on his prick
And roll around on his balls
Submitted By: slammed
There once was a man named Dina
Who was in search of the perfect vagina
Everyday he would hunt
For this flawless cunt
I'm flattered, because it was mine-a!!!
Submitted By: Bobby dazzler
There once was A young maid from Aberwristwith
who took corn to the mill to make grist with
the millers son jack
laid her flat on her back
and they joined up the parts that they pissed with
Submitted By: D. Coulter
There was a young girl named Mellisse
from Canada who liked to kiss
but it's girls she adores
not men in their drawers
cause they smell and they stand up to piss
Submitted By: Laura Black
I once knew a man from leur,
He seemed to be very poor,
He won a great sum,
But fell on his bum,
And landed in a pile of manure.
I met a lady from Maine,
Who seemed to be insane
She tripped on her shoe,
And fell into some poo
Now she's insane with a stain.
I remember a fellow named Louie,
Who ate 17 bowls of chop- suey,
When the eighteenth was brought,
He became overwrought,
And we watched as poor Louie went Blooie!!
Submitted By: Ed O'Malley
A man with throbbing erection
who had forgotten sexual protection,
took a roll on the floor
with a questionable whore,
and now has a nasty infection.
Submitted By: Foxman
There once was a president named Billy,
Whose sexual prowess to me seemed quite silly,
Till he was sued,
It was us who was screwed,
By all the young girls sucking his Willie!
Submitted By: John Quint
One morning Mahatama Gandhi
Had a hard on and it was a dandy
He said to his aide
"Please bring me a maid,
Or a goat, or whatever is handy!"
Submitted By: Devin Barkley
There once was a young man from Eiling
who pounded his pud with great feeling
And then like a trout
he'd stick his mouth out
and wait for the drops from the ceiling
Submitted By: Devin Barkley
There once was a man from Rangoon,
who was born 9 months too soon.
He didn't have the luck
to be born by a fuck.
He was scraped off the sheets with a spoon.
Submitted By: Ed Adams
There was a fellow from Chanute
Who was troubled by warts on his root.
He put acid on these
and now when he pee's
He toodles his root like a flute.
Submitted By: kerschen
T'was a fair lass named Sher,
Would do most anything on a dare,
For when the wind blew,
As her lover's well knew,
Her skirts were well worth the stare!
Submitted By: Tom Barron
As she was grasping his bum
Bill said 'Please swallow my come'
but all the mess
dripped down her dress
Now Ken Star sez he's a bum
Submitted By: Anonymous
There once was a perv named Steve,
Who liked to play with branches and leaves.
He shoved up his rectal,
A twig-like projectile,
But instead of getting hard he was peeved.
Submitted By: Kurt
There once was a man from Birritz
Who planted an acre of tits
They came up in the fall
Red nipples and all
And he promptly chewed them to bits
Submitted By: Kathy from PA
Once the president went to Nantucket
And he wanted a girl to f'ck it
The girl said NO
'cause she's no hoe
He said "OK Just Suck it!!"
Submitted By: nobody
There once was a maid in Vancouver
Whose mouth was a twenty horse Hoover
She did her jobs well
But men found they were hell
Once she finished they couldn't remove her
A man named Morgan, its known,
Was threatened should he grow a bone
While away from his wife
She'd brandish a knife
Cut it off and freeze for her own.
Submitted By: Cheryl
There once was a fellow named Leland,
whose balls hung from here to New Zealand.
Both the North and the South
would fit in his mouth.
Which kept him perpetually kneelin'
There once was a man made of tin,
with no heart beneath his grey skin.
By a shear stroke of luck,
he learned how to fuck,
and lived merrily in a world full of sin.
There once was a fellow named Becker.
Who had purple scabs on his pecker.
When scraped by his truss,
they oozed yellow puss.
For certain, and intercourse wrecker.
Submitted By: K J Dancer
There once was a fellow named Fong
Who's pecker was seven feet long.
It was bronzed when he died,
For the Church of Saint Clyde,
Where it's now a bell clapper, ding dong!
Submitted By: SKI
There once was a gay fellow named Dan
he was fixing his lowriding van,
When the belt of his garter
got caught on the starter,
he screamed and the shit hit the fan!
Submitted By: Ricko
There was a fat lady from china
Who had an enormous vagina
And when she was dead
They painted it red
And used it for docking a liner.
Submitted By: Annah Love
There once was a priest from St. Giles,
Who's arse was too wide for the aisles.
To and from mass,
The pews pinches his ass.
And gave him a case of the piles.
There once was a priest from Gibraltar.
Who buggered a nun on the altar.
"Now look what you've done!"
Exclaimed the nun.
"You've gummed up the leaves of the psalter!"
Submitted By: Bert Summers
There once was a man from Peru
who lived in a one man canoe
while dreaming of venus
and stroking his penis
he woke up with a handful of goo
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised April 1998