Submitted By: Lordzer0
There once was a pervert named Bob
who wanted a blow job.
He found a snapping turtle
whose name was Mirtil
and now he carries a corncob.
Submitted By: Jack Qualman
Governor Willy's face got quite red
When he said, "Paula, give me some head."
He pulled down his pants,
And expected romance,
But Miss Jones sued his dumb ass instead.
Submitted By: Jerry Nepon-Sixt
There once was a man from Dundee,
Who molested an ape in a tree,
The result was most horrid,
All arse and no forehead,
Three balls and a purple goatee!
Submitted By: Dave Jarbo
There was a young woman named Cindy,
Whose breasts were as small as can be,
So to the doctor she went,
With an attitude hell-bent,
To go from an "A" to a "D".
The surgery's done, now it's time for some fun,
Even though they are still kind of smartin',
Now the saline's in place,
And with a smile on her face,
They resemble that of Dolly Parton.
We try to be kind, but you must keep in mind,
As we say now in verses and rhymes....
Every time you bend over,
To pick up that clover,
That gravity sure sucks sometimes.
With summer a commin', I wouldn't try running
On days that are sunny and hot,
But when your boyfriend comes pouncing,
And boy are they bouncing,
They still will be comfortable...NOT!!!
Now this may be a quirk, but if this doesn't work,
You can still take your doctor to court....
You can say that he lied,
And your living bra had just died,
and you're suing for lack of support!!
Submitted By: Maurice O'Brien
Said oul Kate to her crock of a Kettle,
Sure you're not in the finest of fettle,
But your spout isn't slack,
like my poor husband Jack,
Pity his wasn't made out of metal!
Submitted By: Wanda M. Kowanetz
There once was a woman named Gladys,
Who had excessive flatus.
She ditched legumes,
Reduced her fumes,
And preserved her olfactory apparatus.
Submitted By: Lucabratse
There once was a man from Nantucket
Who stuck his D@ck in a socket
His wife was a bitch
She turned on the switch
And his D@ck flew off like a rocket!
Submitted By: Dylan Wilson
There once was a girl from Rino
Who used to love playing Keno
She laid on her back
and opened her crack
Now she owns the Casino
Submitted By: Woody
There once was a lady from New Zealand
Who was put in jail for stealin'
She laid on her back
She opened her crack
And pissed all over the ceiling
Submitted By: Dan Mahoney
Said a thoughtful young stud from Brazilia
"One orgasm spasm will fill ya
I'll just let the rest
Gush out on your chest
If I shot it inside,it'd kill ya!
Submitted By: Nukem Good
There once was a man from Bombay.
He molded a c*nt out of clay.
The heat from his d*ck
Made it turn to a brick,
And it chafed all his foreskin away.
Submitted By: Bromley
There was a young man from Newcastle,
Who wrapped up some shit in a parcel,
He sent it to Spain,
With a note to explain,
That it came from his grand mothers arse hole
Submitted By: Lateen
There was a young man from Bullosham,
Who took out his balls just to wash 'em,
His wife said Jack,
if you don't put them back,
I'll tread on the bastards and squash 'em!
Submitted By: Chris Dunbar
There once was a boy named Chris
And everyone thought he was a priss
In sheer desperation
he underwent a sex change operation
and he went from a mister to a miss
Submitted By: Steve Bray
There was a young vampire called mable
whose periods were particularly stable
by the light of the moon
with the aid of a spoon
she could drink herself under the table
Submitted By: Grizz
For the folks out there that were in the Navy back a few years ago this will have some meaning:
If you can't dip your wick in a WAC
Or ride the Breast of a WAVE
Squat in the sand
Do it by hand
Think of the money you save!
Submitted By: Mike Wheeler
There once was a queen, who with malice,
Took a leak in the king's favorite chalice,
That woman he'd bedded
Has since been beheaded,
And now he's alone in the palace.
Submitted By: Mike
There once was a young man named Brewster
who said to his wife as he goosed her,
"This used to be grand,
but look at my hand,
you're not wiping as clean as you used ta'"
Submitted By: Laz
There once was a lady from Niger
Who had an affair with a tiger
The result of the fuck
Was a bald headed duck
Two gnats and a circumcised spider
Submitted By: Ming-mei Wu (also the author)
There once was a young man named Chuck
Who found a young girl out of luck
She started to dance
So he pulled down his pants
Then she hit him when he didn't duck!
(and you thought I was going to rhyme with something else, shame on you!)
Submitted By: Ming-mei Wu (also the author)
When teaching some econ one day
A professor was heard to then say
When supply meets demand
Then all through the land
No one has to be alone when they play!
Submitted By: Ming-mei Wu (not just the submitter but also the author)
There once was a woman named Sue
Who gave blow jobs 'till she was blue
When an earthquake hit
She bit into it
Now her lover is a girl too!
Submitted By: rich peden for dave jennings
there once was an old lady named mable
in bed she had proved herself able
she fucked like a bunny
called her men sonny
while bent over the dining room table.
Submitted By: Al
There was a young lawyer quite bright
Couldn't fuck cause her twat was too tight
She discovered a loophole
By using her poophole
Now she fucks all day and night
Submitted By: Prision Bitch
There once was a man from Leene,
Who invented a pleasure machine.
Concave or convex,
It fit either sex,
And attachments for those in between :)
~~Dedicated to my friend Josh
Loony Limericks / webmaster@loonies.zzn.com / revised April 1998